Sometimes you just have to trust that the way to go is just the way you are going. I am less and less concerned these days about my path. I am where I am supposed to be and even if it's painful, there is a lesson in that pain. Life's lessons always teach us what we need for the journey ahead. And when I say the journey ahead, I don't mean far down the road. I mean the steps just in front of us.
When I find myself consumed with an issue I have a moment of understanding that if I just let it go..... and then I do. I release the terror that grips me. The fear has become larger than life and I have allowed it to dictate my actions. Fear will make you stay when you ought to haul ass. Fear will make you see lack where really there is abundance. I used to believe I struggled with my fears, but really I was starting the process of naming them and recognizing them. When fear shows up I know what I am dealing with. I am not wondering what's this? I know it, I have named it...labeled it.
I am easing into my life these days with less thoughts on what I should be doing and more emphasis on what I am doing. I am turning down the outside voices of expectations, neediness, control, and other folks rules for my life. I am giving up being desperate for affection, love, time, money, sex, friendship, family. Maybe I am feeling my birthday coming... 49 and I want things to go differently for the next 50 years. I keep hearing Joni Mitchell in my head:
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all
I've posted this song. It's one of my favorites. You really can't appreciate it until you have done some living. I think being on the eve of 50 gives me grace and permission to sing it, appreciate it and carry it with me. I don't have any answers for my life at the moment. I do well to put one foot in front of the other. I am glad to do that! That's the blessing... being glad that I can put one foot in front of the other and move up down, around, back and forth.
I am where I am supposed to be. I am where I am supposed to be. Pain and joy and love are all there for me to be enriched and to grow. Joni Mitchell got it right:
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
9 months ago
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3 comments:
I see now why Lin thought so highly of your writing. This was just the inspiration I needed to start my day.......Thank You...
It isn't fear but how we deal with fear that makes us...
Hey Oprah of Blogdom (smiles):
Hard to believe that Joni (Mitchell never lied) was just in her early 20s when she penned that song. Sometimes our greatest lessons are presented to us early on in life.
About The Fear Thing: Yes, it's mad difficult. I too often fight w/it & THROUGH it b/c it can so easily paralyze our potential for something better & we can't go thru this life w/ our potential sitting, wasting, or confined to a chair being pushed around or controlled by someone else, other than The Creator.
You & I & most everyone else must stop this madness of blocking our blessings & begin embracing every part of our journey, even those difficult/ mad scary parts that deal w/ the human heart.
AND when all else fails, c'mon... say it wid me:
Snatch JOY!
One.
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