Wednesday, September 1, 2010


I am done waiting for Monday, love, better weather, more time, slimmer me, happier me.  I am always waiting.  When did I become a person to wait on anything?  I think this is another definition of being stuck.  And being lazy.  Yes I said it, LAZY!  I know what needs to be done, but I spend an exorbitant amount of time talking myself out of stuff, and I don't mean silly things, I mean things that could make my life better, happier, more joyous!  I decide to get up to work out at sunrise, when the day breaks I start back peddling, "Oh I can get my work out in later" or "gosh, I got to bed so late I am tired".  Who am I waiting for?  Seriously.  On paper it looks like a crock of shit.  In my head it seems reasonable and believable.  I am my own problem.  Seriously.  I say I want to do XYZ and then I just do nothing to accomplish XYZ.  Again, what am I waiting for?  Who am I waiting for?

The thing to do, is TO DO... Right NOW!  Too much intellectualizing.  Too much trying to organize it in my head.  Too much talking about what I am going to do and not enough of me doing anything!  If I want to change this body, then I have to get off my ass and move it.  If I want a lucrative business than I gotta light the fire myself and get to burning energy!  If I want to be in love than I gotta be in love.  It's all on me to bust a move in any direction.  In any direction forward is a good move.  And if it isn't I can move some an entirely new direction (END).

The magic dwells within.  The saviour dwells within.  Love dwells within. 

This is my last day of waiting for someone other than myself to do my work. 

1 comment:

Her Side said...

I can't begin to find the words to express the depth of the bitter battle I am having with myself about this exact issue in my own life.

I am amazed at how this can manifest in one area of life and not another. There are some things I want that I will fight and bleed for. There are other things I believe I want as badly, but I am waiting for a fairy to descend and fix it for me.

I don't get it. It's like I don't get me when it comes to this.

I was feeling kinda isolated in this issue, but your sharing was like a hug of understanding.