Wednesday, August 11, 2010


She thinks she knows all there is to know about the world.  She thinks she has a clue about how to be a woman.  My daughter broke some rules her father and I put in place. Serious rules.  Rules about no dating at 13.  She weaved an elaborate lie to see "him" a 14 year old boy smitten with my daughter.  We tracked their conversation on Facebook.  Nothing outrageous or seedy.  Just little references to trying to meet up behind parental vision.  Her father monitored her Facebook page and still she managed to slip our watchful eyes. 

He showed up to my house and walked himself into my backyard unannounced and began playing basketball. I respectfully told the young man in question: "She is only 13 and is not allowed to date. I don't know anything about you, or your people. I don't know where you live, or anything  and I am sure you are a lovely young man, but the fact remains, she broke the rules. You are not to contact her again"
He was very polite and nodded yes and left.  The young man returned with his oldest Sister in tow. Wanting to introduce me to his people.  I was impressed that he heard me and wanted to act on my concerns.  I gave his Sister the same speech I gave him, adding for her benefit the fact that my daughter lied to me about knowing this young man.

Her father and I were furious with her.  He came right over after work to deal with her.  Three hours later, we emerged still angry but united in doling out a harsh and strict punishment.  There is more to this story...lots!  But most importantly this post is about what I must do and how I must move forward.

I have to build her back up now.  I have to help her save herself.  This is my teacheable moment where I stand fully in the Mom space and guide this child on rough waters.  She needs me. She needs me to parent her. Not to be her friend, and cuddle her with "baby it will be alright". I must give her tools to conduct herself.  This is the beginning of her learning to walk in truth.  This is one of many defining moments in her life.  What's key here, is whatever foundation we lay for her now will be what she draws from later in her life.

I am in prayer as I move forward drawing on all that I know to do to grow her.  I am not afraid for her.  I will not fail her.  I know what is needed and I am up for the task.  There is so much out there for young girls to fall prey to.  I must continue to wedge myself between the world and this home.  I have support.  She is loved. I am loved.  In the next few days I will lay out my plan, and perhaps this plan will be of some help to someone else with a teenage child who is being seduced too soon by the world.


princessdominique said...

Great post and great teaching lesson Babz. I would have done the same thing. You're right your daughter needs a parent not another friend. Kudos to you for giving her the tools and for you both standing united in this.

KayC, The Quiet Storm said...

I know it is not a funny story but him returning with 'his people' to introduce you was priceless. One silver least she picked someone who heard you and understood what you were saying.

It is indeed a defining moment and I know you will do well with this mommy moment.


Dallas Black said...

Great post...just make sure you put a sprinkle of love in that strict plan ;)

Wow, you have real life situations involving children..that is (folding hands and watching, pass the popcorn)

Not making light of it, I know there is love so there is a way.


Mizrepresent said...

Rules are rules for a reason, and they are not meant to be broken. My parents were the same way and i appreciate it till this day.

Moanerplicity said...

If you remember anything at all about being a teenager, then you'll reacall that the uncoolest thing, that biggest curse, worst than even death... is to be EMBARRASSED (let alone by a PARENT! EGAD!!!)! So color her deeply embarrassed, & it's usually then that we learn our most painful & memorable life lessons.


Her Side said...

Oh my. I love this post. I have a 17-year old who always "colored inside the lines." He doesn't want to rock any boats, so there were so few things like this to deal with.

Then there's my 11-year old. Forget coloring inside the lines. He wants to create the lines and then challenge his own drawing. He's amazingly brilliant and questioning. I want him to stay that way but I know I'll need to clamp-down on him as he gets into his teens.

Thanks for sharing. Are you ready to read about mine in a couple of years? LOL

Princess Tinybutt said...

wooo, missed this one. go get 'em gurl! and lord knows I KNOW you're the one to do it.

i'll be listening....