THE WEDDING PHOTOS!

My Brother Bob is the groom with the silver vest on, My Brother Mike is the best Man, My Sister LO was a Bridesmaid in the grey gown. My Kids and my fav cousin Dennis' daughters mixed in. Ms D, escorted by her son down the aisle. This is my Church and my minister officiating. And yes the 4 inch stilleto sling-backs.

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: BEAUTIFUL YES I AM

What makes us beautiful or pretty in someone else's eyes? Is it solely about how we look or is it a combination of things. Is it our personality and the way we carry ourselves in the world. Or is it because we look great in couture clothes and shoes. I am without question a beautiful woman. I am not a pretty woman. I am not cute. I am beautiful, charming and witty. These are the things I have been told. Do I believe them? Do I need to have someone else believe them? What we believe either traps us or frees us. What we believe either allows us to live a life more fully present or a life in the shadows waiting for that thing to free our spirits. That thing to give us permission to love fully. That thing is often other's opinions and judgements that confines us. We look for acceptance and love from the outside instead of tuning out the world's noise and coming into our love from the inside. Beauty radiates from inside.

Saturday was my brother's wedding, but it was as much my coming out day as well. I looked amazing. I had a gorgeous purple and lavender silk dress that complimented my beautiful skin, I wore 4 inch stiletto sling-back shoes that made my legs look like Tina Turner's...yes those high heels were magical...and painful. I had great jewelry, my make-up was flawless, my smile was 1000 watts. I was runway FINE! I knew it and I felt it. My positive energy was such that I could feel people drawn into me. I could feel people wanting to be near me. I haven't felt that way in a long time. Saturday I truly felt like myself and everyone around me knew it. I was owning my sexy. I was owning my glam and I was owning my grown womaness.

It is nice for anyone to think you are beautiful, or lovely or nice or kind. I have to come to realize that it is my honest opinion of myself that raises myself esteem. I can be my own worst critic or my own biggest fan. It is a choice. I can get caught up in thinking I am not beautiful enough, or I can accept my beauty right now. It is a choice. I can get caught up in thinking if only I was thinner and put off doing things waiting for the weight to drop or I can live my best life right now. It is a choice.

Best line I heard from a guy at the reception " You have a smile that can change a man's life" Shoot! How can you not get high off that!

My brother Bob-O's wedding was FABULOUS! He looked beautiful, the bride was stunning, the day was lovely. I will post my photos later in the week.

JUMPIN' THE BROOM! OOH NO NOT ME...

My Brother Bob-O is getting married to Ms. D on Saturday. I am in my glory with family and friends from far and wide coming to town.

I am hosting my favorite cousin Dennis and his beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters from Winston-Salem, NC.

I will be back after all the celebrations have ceased! Oh and I will have photos!

Oh, yes, I started my mindful meditation class today. Thanks Aunt Jackie for whispering to me...it has made a difference already.

A HIGH HONOR: PUBLIC SERVICE

To me, being elected to public office is the highest honor of community service there is. I had the pleasure and honor of being elected twice. There is nothing like public service. Feeling and believing you can make the difference on behalf of your neighbors is profound. I had the opportunity to craft and co-sign legislation that made a difference in my communities.

I had the distinct pleasure as serving as Police Commissioner too. Being an advocate for the men and women who serve our police force was one that I am most proud of. Everyday these brave and courageous men and women put on that Blue uniform and go out to serve and protect. That is admirable.

My commitment to community has been a wide range of services From running a rape crisis hotline, to serving meals to the sick and shut-in with HIV/AIDS, to working with women and families who were safely tucked away because of domestic violence. I have served on various local and national Boards for organizations committed to children issues, family issues and community building issues.

I must say I am most proudest of my commitment to community, church and neighborhood. These are the pillars that sustain me and keep my spirit afloat.

Friday, I will finish posting some of my successes. My life is amazing...extraordinary. It is easy to lose sight of the things that are important as you get caught up in all the things you have done wrong in your life. Sometimes the price you pay is too high...or too too much. The gift is holding your head UP and being present in this moment. There are no do-overs! The past is behind you. We know this, and yet we dwell...get stuck on what was and then turn them into what ifs.

I am celebrating this life and owning my successes as I bear witness to the losses.

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: MOTHERHOOD THE ULTIMATE SUCCESS

I knew early on that I could not bear children; the abuse that I suffered as a child shattered my uterus. So I never really imagined myself with children. I did hope that if I did get married I would marry a man with children. Well I did get married and he had one daughter from his first marriage. I thought this was a great blessing. I could be a wonderful stepmother. I was a thoughtful, caring step-mother...if only she had better biological parents...LOL!

When we thought I was pregnant and found out that I was not, we were profoundly sad. So sad that we began thinking that children might be in our future. I starting jumping through infertility hoops. I mean so much time had passed since the orginal prognosis of infertility. I was no longer a kid. Medical technology had come a long way. Maybe. I had two surgeries to try to repair the uterus. I had tumors removed. I did the shots. I did the turkey baster and the sperm. You name it we did it. At the same time my husband(soon-to-be EX) suggested we look at adoption. The minute he said it, it was like the universe just opened up. The One Church One Child program was looking to recruit African-American families to adopt African-American children. We completed the course and became certified parents. Within weeks we started looking at children. Our first daughter arrived when she just turned 3 years old, Briana Lorraine (Lorraine is my Sister's name). We lavished her with all our love for 2 years before Margeaux arrived. Before Margeaux arrived I went to see another infertility specialist, who gave me a 2% chance of getting pregnant. We tried it all again. Finally I said enough. I dropped the remaining infertility drugs off to my Doctor to donate. By the time I got home that afternoon, we got a call about a newborn....we named her Margeaux Helena, after my Mom and my mother-in-law.

Next came Khalil Ross...named after his Father...my ex--it is his Muslim name and his English middle name, then Gregory Lockhart...Lockhart is my brother's middle name--one that is traced back to the time of slavery through our father and grand-father and great-grandfather and so on. Each child has their own story of abuse and abandonment. Stories that no child should have to experience.

It has been a joy that cannot be put into words. It is love that I have longed to have. I have found myself in these 4 children. They have saved my life and given me purpose and a fearlessness that I did not have before. I wanted more children. But that dream is quickly fading. I could if I had the means, adopt a couple more children (smile). Every child ought to have a decent and loving home. Every child needs to be loved and protected and cared about. This is my greatest success...providing a safe, and happy environment where they are loved and cared for all the time.

Don't get me wrong everyday is not a picnic. I scream and yell and may say a bad word or two, but at the end of the day I am their mother and they are my children and nothing and no one will harm them while I have breathe in my body. I know when I climb those stairs at night and peek in on each one, tucking covers, picking teddy bears and dolls up, moving books out beds and kissing foreheads, I know that whatever I have done and will do in my life will pale in comparison to raising these 4 amazing children.

So tomorrow I will finish up talking about some of my successes in my life. The effects of doing this is beginning to get me to think differently about who I am. That is a very good thing.

VOLUNTEERING INTO JOBS...MORE SUCCESSES

In my life, whenever I wanted to do something, I would just go and do it. That's how I was. It never occurred to me that I couldn't do something.

When I wanted to be a reporter for a new Black newspaper here, I just showed up and asked if I could volunteer to help out, to learn. They said yes. Soon I was hired. I loved it. I went to the Democratic National Convention when it was in New York City as Press in 1992. Bill Clinton was the nominee. It would be several years later before I would meet Bill Clinton again. This time I met him in the Oval Office to receive an award.

I once heard a speaker at a NAACP event talking about HIV and AIDS. He asked what will you say when they ask what did you do to help in your lifetime? That question stayed with me for weeks. I went to our AIDS Project and volunteered to deliver meals to people who were sick and shut in. I loved it. I got so involved in coordinating the other drivers and volunteers that they offered me the job of coordinator of the meal delivery program, Caring Cuisine. I grew the volunteer base, got them into a new kitchen with upgrades and raised a little money to do more. They offered me the job of Director of Volunteer Services for the entire agency. I accepted. I created a safe way to intake volunteers. I set up a comprehensive volunteer training program. I got work-study students from Yale. I expanded areas in which folks could volunteer. I ran support groups. And helped raise money.

I was never looking for a job. I just wanted to help, or I wanted the experience. Often I just heard the call and I responded. God has always whispered in my ear. Sometimes I would listen and follow the directions. Sometimes I would not, and would turn away from God's plan.

Looking back at this big life and laying out what I think are my successes has been very illuminating. Thinking about things I haven't thought of in years and years. Remembering times and places and feelings.

There is more...lots more. LOL!

QUEEN, VP, DIRECTOR, MODEL OH MY! MORE SUCCESSES.

If you know anything about Historically Black Colleges (HBCU's) then you know Queens, Pageants, homecoming are BIG DEALS!

I ran and won Miss United Negro College Fund (UNCF) now this is second only to the Homecoming Queen and each club, sorority and fraternity had their own queens that made up the homecoming Queen's court. As a northern girl, I had no knowledge of all this pageantry until I got to college in the south. Man it was thrilling. Don't ask me how I got rooked into this hoopla. My sophomore year, my then boyfriend/fiancee suggested that I do it. My talent...I recited Nikki Giovanni's poem "Ego Tripping" It was wonderful. So much so our College President created a debate team and a oratory team. Anyway, my photo was in Ebony magazine, I went to NYC to tape the UNCF telethon. I hosted the telethon in my city on our local station and I shot a national psa for UNCF that ran all night long on the telethon.

I was nominated for President of the Student Government Association (SGA). I declined. I said I would run as vice president. My Soror stepped in and we ran together on one ticket. We won. we served 1 two year term. Under our term we had a jammin' homecoming. We booked the SOS Band. Ok keep in mind this is the early 1980's LOL! We hosted a large voter registration drive. We invited Reverend Jessie Jackson and Andrew Young. They came and supported our efforts. I went on a bus trip with Rev Jackson and Andrew Young throughout the south registering voters in rural sourthern states. It was an experience that changed my life and got me squarely on the road to public service.

While in College, I directed my first and only play. A Raisin in the Sun, by Lorraine Hansberry. It was an amazing thing. We built a set---by real contractors, we auditioned students, we rehearsed and we opened to great success and press and we made money that of course went toward UNCF. I was asked to continue directing. I declined. I did it once I was happy and thrilled but I had had enough. It was a grueling schedule, lots of drama from the school administration and it took me away form other interests. Theatre is not my thing. Not as director, or actor. I do however love to go to the theatre and watch and enjoy.

I am 5"8' tall. In college I was a a perfect size 14. This made me attractive to department stores as a full size model. You get asked often enough you do it. So I started modeling here at home for Macy's, and local boutiques on school breaks. When I got back to school I would do it for Belk's and other boutiques. We had a modeling club and I got rooked into that. That got on my nerves...the modeling club. Because all the students involved were obnoxious and conceited and I certainly did not fit in there. But I did it as a favor to a friend and I had a crush on one of the guys. This Brother was fine as hell! But he was stupid as hell and I couldn't stand that. So we never got together. I must say modeling kept me in really nice clothes that I couldn't otherwise afford. That was my real motivation.