Monday, July 18, 2016

Hey Babz, You Need To Do Dating Differently

I have always viewed dating as an adventure waiting to unfold; that I would meet someone and we would click. I was excited to date and see what opportunities awaited me. I had no list or heavy criteria. I just wanted someone who was intellectual, and spiritually and emotionally strong in their own right and ready for a woman like me... Or if not on the same page, at least in the same book!

My Ex-husband Lawrence was a wonderful example of intellect, street smart, hip-hop and jazz. He truly was and is a student of the world. He was a faithful and abiding man. He had a faith in Islam that guided him. I admired that. He was not a cheater. I never worried or had cause to worry about him betraying our marriage vows. In that regard, I was blessed. I know so many men who have cheated or are cheaters. Men who have cut a path of heartache and family destruction that gives me pause. That was not my experience in my marriage. There were other problems that contributed to the demise of the marriage. But overall, we share a great many values. We were equal adventurers and learners and readers and art appreciators!

So, of course, I thought to get out there again, surely the Gods will smile upon me again! Then Jamal showed  up... With all the romantic dust dreams are made of. As it turned out... Jamal was not anything I would wish on anyone. It was a disaster. We are no longer friends. We were friends since we were 12 and 13 years old. A day-to-day loveship was a prescription for pain. What had such promise, turned into a nightmare. I moved on.

Dating now, I thought I had a clear understanding of what I was doing. It has been one bad date after another. So I'm conceding to the universe. I hear you! It is time to move in an ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION... E.N.D.

My village and the universe of friends are wide and intimate. My friend Bill suggested I rethink my concept of dating. "You're a great communicator" start there. My soul mate Carlos said just be still and allow someone to show up for you. And My BFF Ron thinks I do too much. "You are enough," he says. "You are delightful and loving and kind and stunningly beautiful".  Just wait. Someone will show up. Someone, I bet totally unexpected.

I have decided to stop dating for the Summer. No more dates for the remaining Summer. Perhaps in the Fall, depending on how I feel.

This last date was tough and terrifying. He put his hands on me in a way to threaten and intimidate me. It did not work. I am still mad and feel acutely vulnerable. So this Summer, I chill. No dates. Just conversations... The richer the better.

I am a great communicator. I walk in truth. I do not lie. I used to be a liar and a manipulator. I am not that woman anymore...Haven't been that woman for more than a decade (the length of marriage). Marriage was my saving grace, the ctatlyst that showed me love was possible for me.

I am quite transparent as a love interest. We must be each other's savior and not assassin. That's what I am taking into the next loveship. So this summer no dating! Just Communicating!

 Let's see how this approach fares. I'll keep you posted.

photo: Karen King, Photographer
Makeup: Winter Carson, Madame Blush
Hair: Hair's Kay and Sangster Barber & Salon

1 comment:

Big Mark 243 said... of the things that I have always thought made some women vulnerable was their underestimating their own value and what that value should be worth... it is why so many women "settle without knowing it" because I think that they have held themselves to a criteria for a potential partner without having standards (or keeping to them) for their lovemate..!

I don't think that the issue is with is with you... I think that finding someone who shares goals that can blend with your is difficult because men as a general rule, IMO, have lost their way in today's society... but more on that is for another journal...