It's not about standing in the gap waiting. In Between meant the quiet space of here and there....a place to hide. I used to think in between was lost space and time... waiting, always waiting for something to happen.
The In Between has just become for me a real opportunity for a kind of preparation... a catching of my breath as my dreams come into focus. It is that grace time to breathe in and breathe out. Letting go of loss and preparing to receive new gifts. And oh those gifts are so grand... even in their simplicity.
The In Between used to mean licking my wounds and muddling through despair until the sun shined again. It used to mean curling up deeper under my covers awaiting another day of dreariness. I just didn't know how to undue the blues and so I just accepted the time and space. Wishing and hoping that it would quickly pass and I could start again.
Now, I am choosing complete honesty... that's the road. Truth... walking in truth as I know it to be. I am not talking truth telling to or for other people. It is truth telling to me myself...asking real questions and answering with a real sense of fully knowing what I want for my life.
I'm standing in the fork in the road. I can see where I have tried to answer my life without discovering the questions first. I wanted answers that encompassed all the needs of everything and everyone I am responsible for, but I never really asked myself what I truly want... I always thought that what was needed was what I wanted. And what was needed always came, but what I wanted was deemed frivolous and to focus on my wants was a fool's misstep because everybody knows needs are more important than wants.
And yet I wanted. I want so very much. What I want chases me in my daydreams and in my sleep... the late nights are filled with fantasies and dreams. How can I shoo-shoo those away? I did. I was wrong. As I find myself discovering this new definition of In Between, I am drawn to a different road. Yes indeed Zora, some years ask questions and some years answer... I do believe this year I am doing both.