Monday, June 9, 2014

My Business To Mind

My business adviser said to me " You have to decide if what your doing is a business or a hobby"

I have been turning this over in my spirit for weeks now. The truth is, he's right. I have been too afraid to step all the way out on faith and do what I do for money. I do what I do for free.  It's as if I don't feel worthy to charge for my talents. It wasn't until my business adviser clearly stated that what I am doing is just a hobby, did I get it.

The time for turning this over in my spirit is over. All the things I want to do I must do them. NOW! The passing of Dr. Maya Angelou caused me to revisit her work, to listen to her talks and to pay attention to what I am doing, has re-energized me. Sure, I've been energized before and somehow I fall back into a pattern of doubt and unworthiness.  But the news of Barbara Smith... B.Smith's diagnosis of Alzheimer's stunned me and I immediately thought, I can no longer wait or dream about wanting to make things happen. I gotta move now. I gotta jump high now! Sure, I have this surge of energy. I've started and started and started countlless times... too many to even name.

Yesterday I sat down and actually started writing.  And the distractions came swift and hard.  And for the first time I could see how I get sucked into shit that has nothing to do with me. I allowed all manner of things to take over my attention. From the biggest  to the smallest attention draining things. I had to work hard to stay on task... I was determined. For the first time I put real value on what I was doing.  I didn't just see it as some indulgence or whim.  I pushed myself to stay with it.

It is that kind of commitment I have to have.  I have to value what I am doing above all others in the time that I give it. That is the lesson God has been guiding me to see. I am the priority... not in Me-Me-Me kind of way, but in how-I-cultivate-and-share-my-talents kind of way.  If I am a writer, I must make time to write and the time I make to write has to be respected. If I am an artist, I must create and respect the time to create art. If I am a spiritual director, I must make time for prayer and spiritual direction. Whatever I say I want I have to make time to have it.  This is what minding my business means.

This means truly leaving the poppy fields (code for all the things that keep me from my calling)

This is clear to me... I can build my business with a sense of yes, I can. And hold this in respect and reverence. I know this to be divine work. And I no longer can treat it as something other than my true calling.
I work for someone. I want to work for myself. I want to do the work I am called to do.  I want financial freedom created out of my own hands.

No comments: