And Why Do I Want God To Rescue Me?

It has been my experience in my life that when I dragged my feet on any decision that had to be made... life would make the decision for me.

As I look at my life I can see every example of this.  I can see every fear based, paralyzing decision I couldn't make.  I used to think it was all sort of coincidence, but as I stepped closer to God and immersed myself in my faith, I now know that God had to do the intervening.  For better or for worse in my estimation,  God always works for the greater good even though I couldn't see that at the time.

So today I find myself begging God to rescue me from squandering my talents, wasting my time and not going after my heart's desire.  I am still not sure of the truth I see before me.... I am still looking off into the distance for something else.  I used to think it was something more... but I sense it's all about something else. Something else that I long for that I can't quite grasp.  In my dreams and waking moments I can see the peace-love-holiness I desire, seek and crave. 

At 50 I am acutely aware of time... not in hours or minutes, but having enough time to do all that I dream to do.  Time is a luxury, as are day dreams and waking thoughts of fantasy.  But time also inspires and ignites passions.  If not now, when? That's a time motivated statement.

So perhaps revisiting lists... The love List, the 1000 things I want to do before I die and perhaps a newer list of all the things that scare me to paralysis.

OK, so this is what I am taking to prayer: Why do I need God to rescue me? And am I being the best me outside of fear?