I am in a mood and it ain't pretty. I am not angry, but I am damn close. I feel drained, sucked dry and invisible. There is not one person or thing or situation I can point to as the sole cause of my mood. I am the architect of my malaise.
I have to take back my life and the care thereof. I have to set a better pace for myself and become a lot more selfish. I am quick to tell a sister-friend to put herself at the top of her list, and yet I consistently find myself at the bottom of mine.
Not dealing with identifying my needs keeps me a slave to other peoples needs only. I am not saying that I won't cater to the needs of those I love. I need to add my needs to the mix and carve out time to fulfill them. Acting all stormy is not the way to be and doesn't get my needs met.
Directing my anger at folks for asking me for what they need is my foolishness. How can I be mad at that? I need to be more like that...ask for what I need. I can articulate the finer points on most anything under the sun, but when it comes to what I need, I lose my voice. I am at a loss as to what it is I truly need.
This revelation leads me to modify the question of who am I? And what do I want? To I know who I am, so what do I need? Getting to the heart of what I need in my everyday practical life will squash the resentment I have toward folks that ask me to fulfill their needs. My deal isn't with folks asking me and depending on me. My funkiness lies in my internal neglect of listening to where I need attention in my own life.
What is it I need? What do I need?