Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I Do Know Life Is Short....

And yet I act as though I will get a another chance at this.  Sometimes I act as though I will get a do over for a a good part of my life. OK NOT!

It always takes death and tragedy to bring me smack up close to my own mortality.  And when its a celebrity death that seems untimely, I get all nervous.  I begin to take a long look over my own life.  I start thinking about my own passing and what will that mean.  I am not being morbid, nor am I depressed or something.  Looking at my own mortality is my reality check.

I am dragged back to the over arching questions of who am I? And want do I want?  I used to believe that there was one great answer for each of these questions.  I used to think that one definition would suffice.  I have come to realize that I am a woman of many passions and interests.  That who I am and what I want changes, shifts and yes, transitions.  I can take a breath and allow the questions to arise and not become twisted about the answers.  The answer is in my living.  The answer is I am.  Whatever it is at the moment that is the answer.  Once I take away all the stuff that is projected onto my life... other people's opinions and spin, I can clearly contemplate my being. If there are shoulds ( I should do this... that or the other thing), they are the ones I heap on myself.  If I want to be in love, then its on me to be in love right now. 

I am concerned and unconcerned with time.  I have done a great deal in my life and I know there is more to do.  The more to do does not come with a sense of urgency.  I am in the flow of doing what moves me and what is needed.  I do know life is short.  I do know that waiting for someone else to give me the life of my dreams is crap.  I know what it is to waste time on people, places and things.  Time marches on whether I accomplish my dreams, fall in love, wait for something to happen or not.

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