NaBoPoMo Day 11: Because Day 10 Was Done

The day got away from me yesterday. I just couldn't make anything work. Well, one thing did work...A sacred conversation I had with a new Soul mate! But other than that, the day ran me!

Today was another run run run with the wolves kind of day. I ran with the day, not against it. There is a difference. Today I feel somewhat prepared... At least I stayed on mission. I had goals and I championed them. I felt accomplished with some amount of control over my destiny. Yeah, that's a lot to put on a day... But who knows what tomorrow will bring?

So, I am going to bask in this accomplishment and good feeling. Back at you tomorrow!

NaBloPoMo Day 9 My Holy Hours

I do my best thinking around 3-5:00 am. I've talked about this before. Muslims say this is the time you are closest to God. I would have to agree. I feel my most holiest then. As a matter of fact, I like making love at that hour... I feel the most holiest then. (Actually I could make love and feel holy at any time). It is the thinking and the soul searching I am trying to get at in this post.

In my part of the world well before dawn it is so quiet I can hear my heartbeat. I can hear my own breathing. That circadian rhythm is a real thing.  In these sacred hours the answers to whatever I am lamenting becomes quite clear. The truth of things, situations, and problems show up that did not exist in my waking hours.  Truth shows up with stark clarity that I can neither ignore or bypass.

Truth is the rock on which I build my life these days. I have long since given up the messiness of lies and double meanings and coyness and unavailability. I trust until I no longer can. The wee hours is nothing but a space for truth... Be it problem solving or making love. There is no room or opportunity for pretense. This is the hour of God. I fully welcome and embrace its sacredness.

For as long as I can remember I have awaken at 3:00 am. Then back to sleep at 5:00 am if I didn't have some commitment shortly after (throughout my life of studying, baby, children, briefs, campaigns, syllabus, marriage, doomed relationships, bootcamp).  It is a habit I don't want to break. It grounds me. It strengthens me. It is time  that nothing interrupts. I don't even look for comparable time in my waking hours. In the course of my day it is a sprint from pillar to post... Nonstop readiness of being here, there and everywhere.

Sometimes I get up and saunter downstairs to my desktop and write until daybreak. Sometimes I sit with a cup of fresh coffee, and on my birthday I have a glass of champagne... Decadent yes.  I am my best illuminated self in those hours. I do not try to replicate them at any other time. Yes, I am authentic in my waking hours. I am soulful and mindful and joyous. But my experiences in the early part of the day are profoundly holy in ways that aren't noticeable at any other time. I have learned this by looking for it and not finding it as sweet or as enveloping.

My holy hours are where God and I meet-up. Sometimes I pray and God listens. Sometimes I am silent and God speaks. 

NaBloMoPo Day 8: Go Easy, Baby

Tonight is the night. We are all waiting for the results. Shit could go awry and we'd all be left shaking in our boots. Wondering what the fuck just happened?... Not unlike our peeps across the pond on that crazy Brexit shit tip. I'm keeping the faith though. America manages to rise to her better angels on occasion. and now is the occasion. It is time America to play to your better valor.

I am a political junkie from way back. I've worked on some great campaigns... Even ran for public office myself, and won...Twice. Not to mention serving on high profile boards and commissions and committees and a host of cool and challenging nonprofit gigs. But that was all before the crash and burn. I no longer say the "Fall from Grace" what had happened was... I fell to God. A God that I was already intimately familiar with, but kept pushing aside. But this ain't about that life. My point is, I know my way around political shit.

Back to the election tonight... It is my whole belief that I will wake up and Hilary Clinton will be our President. Yes, I believe good trumps evil. It is the basis for every great fairy tale. It is the stuff of legends. I just feel like she has won. America does not need a Trump.

It is hard to walk easy when there is anxiety. So much on the line. The hate talk is so palpable. Just today someone walk in form of my car and then had the never to say "nigger", so I said "FUCK YOU mutherfucker". Because, what?

Invite you to walk easy, baby. I gotta steal a phrase from the Red Witch on Game of Thrones... The Night is Long and Filled with Terrors. We'll know the answer soon enough. But this is a real lesson. We've got to do elections differently. We've got to pay attention to language and rhetoric. We've got to get out front on hate speech that passes as election speech. It ain't. The mainstream press, and the right-wing press has lead the ignorant down the garden path and no one stopped it, or screamed Hey! Don't go! So we find ourselves at the precipice of a race too damn close to be real or comfortable. That's on all of us.

So I, invite you this night to walk easy, baby. I have faith that all shall be well.

NaBloPoMo Day 7: The Quietness In The Storm

I have learned in my life... After standing in storms, is to find the place of peace. To center my spirit in the midst of chaos. Some chaos can be invigorating and inspiring. Causing us to reach higher, dig deeper and rise above. And some chaos is hostile, spirit breaking and crippling. I know both kinds of storms all too well and quite recently as yesterday.

The lesson isn't to wish away storms. But to find your centered quietness as the storm swirls about you. To center yourself in grace and allow what is to come thru. Grace is code for blessings. Grace is code for God's got you. I live and breathe knowing I benefit from undeserved grace. Undeserved grace is the human self wrangling with acceptance that God could be just that good. The Divinity in me knows that God is that good all the time and that I am in deed deserving.

I am in a stormy season. As is the country... As is the world. And I can see how hard and challenging it can be to find quietness in the midst of all this noise. We live out loud in our lives. Even those who are introverts can't find refuge from all the rushing about> Everyone is talking, so much talking. Everywhere we turn we are weighed down with war, discourse, family dramas, senseless violence, and reality television and an American election season, the likes we've never seen  before.  

God has put in an escape clause for the modern world. 

Nature. The great outdoors. The big wide sky. Green grass. Flowers that bloom in every season in every climate. Nature. The sheer indulgence of going outside and looking up or looking down or just looking. Seeing beyond the cars, and the hustle and bustle of people. Outside away from TVs and smart phones and all manner of connecting gadgets.

Museums. The great indoors. The Classics. The Contemporaries. The Modern. The abstract. Art that stretches the imagination. Art that centers the soul. Art that demands us to be civilized and refined and calm and eager and open.

Music. The sounds that take us back and move us forward. Music that lays us low and lifts us high. Lullaby's for rest and acid rock for head banging. Jazz for sophistication.  Music of the earth, created by the indigenous peoples of the world. Music that makes you dance and swing and sway. Music that reminds you where you've been and where you're going.

Food. The coming together to eat and to experience universal hospitality. To dig in. To ring the bell for chow! To gather together in prayer and communion. To eat.To prepare and share.

God has given us ways in which to replenish our spirits. To not only wait out the storm, but to provide us with safe passage. To find peace and quiet in the most treacherous of moments. 

 

NaBloPoMo Day 6: Corinne Bailey Rae - Green Aphrodisiac (Official Video)

I'm a woman of music. I believe in the power of having a  soundtrack for my life. I've been a fan of hers since the beginning. I dig this song. It is sexy and soulful and sensual. Perfect for a slow Sunday afternoon. Happy Sunday fellow bloggers! Walk easy beautiful people.

NaBloPoMo Day 5: Dreams Not Chasing At The Moment Or I'm always Chasing These Dreams

This is always a veiled way to tell the truth of what is in your soul without making the effort to go after those very desires. Because some dreams are just dreams... And perhaps should not be chased?

Here are a few of mine:

I'd live in Paris. Here,in any of these neighborhoods:
Montmartre. South Pigalle. Belleville-Menilmontant. Oberkampf.
Canal Saint-Martin. Haut Marais. Montorgueil. Batignolles. Bastille.
Saint-Germaine-des-Pres

I'd own a house on Martha's Vineyard... Summers and a bit of early Fall. I'd write more there. Breathe deeper there and rest.

I'd travel to all the best wineries and vineyards in the world. Tasting and sipping and laughing and learning.

I'd dance the Argentine Tango in Argentina. (I dance the Argentine Tango here in CT) (photo is my actual Argentine Tango Teacher, he's something to watch for sure!)

Walk barefoot on the best beaches under moonlight.

Long deep kissing under moonlight with a Man who kisses back with aplomb!

Go to all of  Beyonce, Stevie Wonder, Carol King, Earth Wind & Fire, Will Downing, Indie Arie, Brenda Russell, Diana Krall, Norah Jones, Temptations, Gypsy Kings, Van Morrison, Freddy Cole Santana, Lizz Wright, Diana Ross, concerts anywhere in the world.

Paint in Provence. Catch the couture shows in Milan. Party all night in Prague. Wander the streets of Vienna.

Take the Orient Express from Paris to Istanbul.

Live in a Riad in Morocco.

Take morning prayers at the Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi.

Visit and pray in Jerusalem and

Sit outside of where the Ark of The Covenant is stored in Ethiopia.

Camp under the northern lights.

NaBloPoMo Day 4: The Gift Of Retreat

As a Spiritual Director, I walk with folks on their faith journey. We notice where God shows up in our lives. I do not define God for them, they do that in their own way. I just walk along holding the lamp. When we hit unsure footing, I shine the light a little closer. Nothing is ever as scary as it seems when you put some light on it. The best Ah Ha moments happen upon illumination of thoughts, and shadows, deep stirrings of the soul. Yes, it can all be quite spiritual. But sometimes it is not.

Sometimes the noise of the world is too loud and we cannot hear our own longings. The shoulds and must do's and please please please, takes over, and we find ourselves taking on just one more thing.We hold up the world. We do it for great causes. We do it because it needs to be done and we are the ones to do it. I lived by that code for a very long time.

 It is hard to wrestle with the guilt of trying to find a moment of solitude for yourself. I know, it is a constant battle that I used to lose regularly. And by lose, I mean, I wouldn't even fight back. I just grind on until, well, I drop. Seriously, I just shut down exhausted. It wasn't until I discovered the idea of Retreat...The act of giving myself back to myself in directed solitude; a bit grander than Me Time. Real untethered time, from people, places and things. Purposeful time to rejuvenate, tap within, and replenish the spirit.

This is self-care beyond the spa, and drinks with Sister-friends. (Although that is necessary too!). I am talking about contemplative time... Quietness and prayer and meditation. Being with yourself deeply and truthfully. I have spent a great deal of time searching for answers outside of myself and finding none. Retreat time allows me to go inward and listen and explore the longings of my heart. To listen... God is still speaking. To tune out the world and tune into my inner rhythms, my breathing in and breathing out.

The gift of retreat requires that you chose yourself for a period of time. It calls you to make a plan and then go and BE HERE NOW.  It is a way to reconnect yourself to every living thing on the planet and the universe.

Give yourself back to yourself. Retreat with purpose and direction. You will feel holy. Hold yourself sacred. Be still. Be quiet. And bask in the sound of your own heartbeat.