Dear Nina, I Am Sorry I didn't Learn This Sooner...

As evolved as I think I am... And I am. Past habits have a way of showing up. I find myself losing myself in someone's bullshit of a life and before I know it,  I am Superwoman holding up their hopes and dreams. Trying to make their shit align with my shit. What? Why? OMG!

Now to my credit, I have learned to see this mess in record time. When I sit through and walk myself through their behaviours, based on what I see and experience. I get to the truth rather quickly. I have long since given up talking myself into a alternate reality. Yes, an alternate reality... Code for LIES! All manner of lies!

I had to walk myself through some shit just recently. This time I could see myself clearly going down that path of holding up some muthafuckas sky. Mind you their ghosting behaviour wasn't enough... I had to go all the way in and get the dagger in my heart. Oh.  It's over now. I clearly see the light of day, all without wasting too much time. But still, thinking back it all seemed like unnecessary heartbreak.

I want to stay open and vulnerable. I don't want to suspect every potential suitor of being an asshole. Time always bears out who a person is. And honestly, who they are shows up rather early. It comes down to how ready and willing am I to believe what I see and experience?

Dear Nina, I am sorry I didn't learn this sooner... "You've got to learn to leave the table when love's no longer being served". I got it now. Lesson learned many times over.

Moving forward, I am done holding up the sky for some potential love interest. I am only going to respond to legitimate offers of invitations of spending time with me. I am only going to seriously entertain men who check for me first.  

My table is set. I am serving up love everyday. What I'm not going to do is act as though I've never been feed. I am not thirsty. And truly, I am an amazing partner for dinner, for conversation, for sports, for reading, for music, for love, for life.