For a very long time I could never embrace the notion of forgiveness. It just seemed too easy to let someone or something off the hook. I struggled trying to wrap my brain around how to forgive and let go. I wanted to continue to hate with great passion. I was justified and self righteous. I was wounded and I needed those responsible to see that I was hurt, broken and in need of an apology of sorts.
Well needless to say that shit never happened. I have come to realize that forgiveness is not for the other people it truly is for you. A chance to take yourself off the cross. A chance to give up the sack cloth and ashes.
This Season of Lent my church's theme is Forgiveness, Work, Justice, Fear. I am going to tackle all of them. Starting with FEAR.
What I have learned over the years about withholding forgiveness is it's like drinking poison hoping someone else will die. Now, I embrace another way of thinking. More in line with the woman I am becoming... less concerned about payback. More about taking myself off the cross and taking off the sack cloth and ashes.
I am going to pray for more clarity and guidance around forgiveness. Look at other areas of my life where I may be called to forgive myself. Forgiving myself.