Love calls me to try. And Try. And try again.
Love calls me to surrender... not my beliefs, or my hard earned confidence.
Love calls me to lay down my "I" for the "We"
The fear of that is almost crippling. It isn't about trust so much as it is about the uncertainty of someone else having that kind of power over my well-being. Even if that someone is someonr I've know a lifetime.
I want to be cared for and taken care of. I want to be thought of first. I want to be loved beyond measure.
I can indeed care and take care of someone's heart and soul. I can indeed put someone else first. I can love beyond measure.
I am walking in the quiet spaces of my life at the moment. There is no energy for argument or well made points. I can't see another side to shit right now. I can't even talk about what my feelings are. This is real relationship fatigue. I need quiet. I am not running away or denying there isn't more to say. Just right now, I need wide open spaces. Hang in if you can, or make your way in the world without me. I just can't talk about you and me.
I love you for my life, you are a friend of mine.... Donnie Hathaway. Give me the room, space and distance I need to grow, and come back more ready. Today and tomorrow, I can't open up for you. and no, I don't want to have you open up to me.
Temporary. It is all temporary.
SShhh. I need Peace. Quiet.
The world is too loud and your added frustrations make the world even louder. This is not a breaking up of any sort. It is about moving in an Entirely New Direction... E.N.D.
I am not gone. I am right here in the day-to-day with you, distracted, present, loving, mean, afraid, courageous. The ebb and flow of life and the routines that keeps us all sane, grounded and safe.