I am standing in the gap of here and there; a space that solely exists in my mind.
It is exhausting working this hard to be and stay in love. No one talks about the work. The being quiet as to not engage a fight. The endless and incessant talking about our plans and how to move forward. Less and less attention to sex and more and more talk. Listening with real attention to hearing and understanding.
There is no other way to real lasting love except through communicating, putting someone before my own shit and extending the olive branch all the time. It can't always be champagne and chocolate, but that's what we all sign up for. The easy stuff, hot sex, fun times and lots of laughter. We never want to be mean or feel mean.
I am working through my spoiled bitch undertones. I am cultivating my inner Goddess.... I want to be loved. I have to be LOVING! I have learned that there is more to life than just good times. Man I have seen and experienced my share of mean shit. So at this point in my life if my heart calls for love, then I gotta be at my best....make my best effort.
I am standing in the gap of here and there. I see where I want to be. I am standing in the space with open arms overcoming my bullsit and allowing someone to love me.
Love is about allowing. I am exhaling and letting the love come in and wrap around me. Of course there is a price....every fucking thing has a price. What are you willing to do for love? I am answering with every thought, movement, words spoken, deeds, action; I am answering YES! I am struggling with the answer of YES with everything! Because I am used to answering with no with nothing.
This truly is a time of amazing growth, contemplation and love.