Monday, April 2, 2012

Requests Are Veiled Demands

" I need to see consistent effort"  I am not attracted to Big Sisters... but I love your spirit and energy" " Why can't you explore my requests"

What I know for sure is that loveships cannot exist when someone wants to be an overseer.  Love cannot grow and develop if there are conditions that are so rigid that failure is imminent.  I am trying to convey something that is truly one-sided, meaning I am telling my side without benefit of sharing all of the other side. But since this is my place of blogging, that's how it is.

What I want him to say is: I love you just as you are.  If you never work out like the athlete you used to be that's fine with me.  If you never ever lose one pound, I will love you to the end of time.  I am not asking him to support me doing nothing.  What I am asking hm to do is to take the pressure off.  To allow me room to move at my pace...excuses and all.  No one can be more concerned about my health than me.  And that can't be a whipping tool.  Love isn't about conditions. Requests shouldn't be veiled demands, that make me feel like I have no choice if I want him in my life. (which is bullshit) but so that it is, it makes me feel suffocated and very conscious of seeking approval by doing what was requested...which is really a veiled demand.  See how it just goes round and round.

I am not asking anyone to co-sign my mess.  Nor am I asking anyone to overlook my laziness.  What I do want is unconditional support.  What I want is cheering and rallying.  What I want is someone to just bear witness and gently guide and direct.  I know there is a fine line for encouragement and calling me out.

I just want to be loved with all the depth and breath possible. 


6 comments:

Moanerplicity said...

Sometimes 'tough love' isn't really love, but abuse. Sometimes
we are more seduced by the complex & the cumulus than the realities of human flesh. Sometimes

Meetings of the minds are not inclined to cosign at every dotted line.

Sometimes those who claim to want love, in essence, want to worship at the feet of gods & goddesses.

Sometimes people really need to be free of fantasy in order to breathe in a climate of reality. Sometimes

Love can only exist when it lives by the tried & true definition of
UNCONDITIONAL.

One.

Princess Tinybutt said...

veiled demands can easily become unspoken threats.

some people are unable to step outside their definition of what love is. or should be. and be open to someone elses. and that whoever they graciously bestow their (supposed) love upon should somehow find a way to fit into, force themselves into, their said definition. without any consideration for or input from the other person.

love doesn't require being on the same page at every single turn, with every step. it does, however, require the willingness to understand, some cooperation, and being 'open to receive', which i feel, helps to get you to unconditional love/support - which is not fantasy nor fairytale, as some feel it is.


and you know what unconditional love is - at least FOR YOU (your definition). you know what and how it is suppose to be. how it should feel and taste. can they at least be open to hearing and trying to understand it? in a way that you need?

and lastly, ask yourself if what you need, want, require realistic for them to give. you can't fault someone for loving you. but is how they love you ok with you? enough for you?

be well sister
angela :)
ptb

Lovebabz said...

Lin & Angela,

Wise words indeed. Thank you for taking the time to share your sage and soothing words with me.

Her Side said...

I used to watch Millionaire Matchmaker. It was almost routine for 50-something rich men to ask for something like this:

A tall blonde model-like bombshell in her 20s who likes to go out and have a good time, loves kids, can cook and take care of the home and her man.

This was always followed by the bad news: A woman that young who likes to party likely doesn't have the personal skills or mindset to be a stay-at-home mom. Such an expectation is unrealistic.

I believe "veiled demands" often represent a desire to piece-together a "perfect" mate like building a monster in a lab. The problem is, the one making the request fails to recognize their own imperfections or the underlying selfishness that guides such unreasonable expectations.

It's a variation on the 80/20 rule. To like somebody is to enjoy the 80%. To love somebody means accepting the imperfections hidden in the 20%.

Am I rambling? lol

Much love...

Lovebabz said...

Her Side,

And the truth shall set me free! You hit it dead on:

I believe "veiled demands" often represent a desire to piece-together a "perfect" mate like building a monster in a lab. The problem is, the one making the request fails to recognize their own imperfections or the underlying selfishness that guides such unreasonable expectations.

LadyLee said...

I feel that we work so hard to fulfill another person's "requests"... and when that happens, there are more "requests". Hence, the veiled demands. And the demands will never stop. And we lose our identity in the process.

And that's not a good thing.

I feel we are like buildings: under construction. And we are under construction in some area of our lives, all the days of our lives, until the day we die.

When we can accept that and love each other with that in mind, then mutual growth is possible, and at the same time fulfilling.

Good post, Babz! I love your perspective. It made me think.