I haven’t been to church in years. I have been invited to church by friends for various ceremonies. But, I had planned to join a church by now. I’ve been in New Jersey for more than ten years and still haven’t made that connection. With the birth of each child, again, I thought surely I would/could find a house of worship.
I grew up going to church EVERY Sunday. Although I didn’t particularly like the church I attended, I did feel a part of a larger community that believed in God and all that entailed. When I became a teenager, my mother allowed me to decide if I wanted to continue at that church, join another, or not go. I frequented my grandmother’s church because the choir was the best in town. But, I never joined a church through baptism.
I am a spiritual person and have studied different religions. I take what works for me and incorporate those practices into my life and believe I am passing universal truths and lessons to my children. Still, I would like them to have the experience of the ritual of church sermons, bile study, maybe even bible camp. It’s not my lack of faith that keeps me from church, it’s my lack of belief and trust in those that lead. I have met only a few religious leaders with which I would entrust the spiritual development of my children. I don’t like being yelled at, or victimized by the fire and brimstone speech. I don’t like cliques, especially at church where I expect members to have a greater appreciation and understanding of acceptance, forgiveness and compassion.
Now, some who know me find it puzzling that I would even entertain the idea of church, on a Sunday, since that’s football’s day during the fall. However, any church that I’ve attended and would/have considered have early sessions that would get me home before 1 PM (kickoff time).
Anyway… I’ll find something. Sometimes, there is no substitute for sitting in a house of worship and feeling the power of belief released in waves across the congregation. Not the jump around, fall on the floor belief; but that quiet, nod your head or smile belief because the sermon was seemingly directed at you, without judgment, but with care and concern.
Holler if ya hear me…