10 Years ago Today... Faith Forward Friday: That's the Truth Ruth

10 years ago I was tucked away at Danbury Federal Prison Camp... My Sister Lo blogged in my stead!

Here is October 5, 2007!

Faith Forward Friday: That's the Truth Ruth

10 Years ago Today... Sister Lo And True Love Tuesday ( really Thursday)

While I was away serving my time... My Sister Lo held down this blog for 30 days!  Even now I am still surprised and impressed with her commitment to doing it!  I had a recurring theme for Tuesdays... True Love Tuesdays. She kept it up, choosing football! And let me tell you football at her house with her hubby is a real thing! Like don't call their house during football season! For real!


Here's Lo's post:

True Love Tuesday (On a Thursday) Are You Ready For Some Football?

10 years ago today...

10 years ago today, I surrendered to Danbury Prison Camp to serve a 30 day sentence. My Sister Lo blogged here in my stead. So, I decided to repost all her posts from that time!  She's a very good writer/blogger!

Here is the link:
What the Hell is Snarky?

Happy Fall!

These Summer Fall Days...

I just grew into being resolved about not dating.
Not stressing about children.
Not worrying about what is next.

I am enjoying the sweet moments of now. Oh yes, there are long range plans and short term goals and changing course and new intentions and dream chasing.

Always dream chasing.

The aloneness is not vast and scary. It has a new definition... I can do what I want.

I am shedding shoulds and embracing maybes and yeses! Saying resolute no's when I feel like saying no. No second guessing and certainly no guilt. No is a complete sentence. And means the same in every language.

Everyday I ask...What is possible? And I set off running to find out.

The din of voices who are contrary to my dreams and wishes fall on my deaf ears. I can't hear them. I have a bigger voice and a stronger song. I am living loudly.

I used to listen to (hims, thems, theys, ya'lls) with a longing to be wanted... Configuring my heart and soul into their desired thing. Ha, how absurd was I? Atlas, I am so done with raking myself over the coals for my choices made in fear. Instead, I forgive myself and move on.

October is coming... For me, that loaded month of memory and new opportunities all rolled up with the crispness of the air signalling Fall.

Where I've Been... Summer Joy and More

As I have  gotten older I have come to LOVE Summer. The hot and hazy days, bare feet, sun dresses and getting blacker!

Going to Jamaica was my reset. Honest to Gawd! I spent a week in the Blue Mountains of Jamaica. Landed in Kingston, which to my sheer delight was Blackity-Black-Black! I travelled with women I adore and love to the nth degree. I needed Jamaica more than I realized. Karaine Holness, captain of my Glam Squad and proprietor of the swankiest hair salon in town, HK; is the founder of Sistahs Jammin. Since 1999 she has been shepherding Sistahs to her homeland of Jamaica for much needed self care! I've been wanting to go for years and this year was my time!

Lawd, Black Jesus! Oh what a hair raising drive up the mountain. But once up there, you could clearly see God's magnificence. Lushness everywhere! Paradise. Seriously, paradise!

I slept better, I ate better, I dreamed better, I rested better, I was just better with each day.

Now I am back. Have been for a few weeks now. The effects of Jamaica are still in me. There is a new perspective on how I want to be in the world. Less stress and more ease. I am chasing peace in my spirit, in my life, in my deeds and actions.  I really cannot tolerate people who come with chaos and drama. That includes children. That includes potential lovers. That includes friends.

As I move through this life I am defining what peace is. I am defining what peace looks like in my day-to-day being. I have come far and wide to this notion of peace and how I want it to show up in my life. Good friends who bring peace and understanding. Potential lovers who bring peace and acceptance and understanding. Children are a mixed bag, but they do not get a pass.  They are being reoriented to my desire for peace. Soon they will be carving out places of peace in their own lives. And they will hopefully come to understand my desires and the choices I made for myself. Momming ain't easy!

Oh the challenges are still there. I am still on the front lines of battles and responsibilities and things needing my immediate attention. My reset has opened the door toward responding from a place of peace rather than anxiety and stress. Using anxiety and stress channeled in such a way that I am not hopeless, desperate and exhausted.

Time has always been at a premium and in excess. That is life. Enjoy what you can, plan where you can, deal with whatever shows up and stay in prayer about everything.

Serendipity Holistic Spa Retreat
Jamaica 

Markeshia, Dr. Jackie, Sharon! Kariane and me! A day at the beach down from the mountain!

Control is the Illusion of Fools...Yes, I made this up. It's Really The Season Of My Goddessness

I control nothing. I have little control over very little. And to that end I surrender.

Ohhh It feels good to cool my brain with surrender. Surrender on all fronts. I remember a few years back I wrote a post on allowing. Allowing life to ebb and flow as it wants to. It's like being at the beach and taking sand into a clinched fist... Just open your hand and let the sand fall through your fingers. The sand doesn't change and I still get to enjoy it.

Surrender doesn't mean abandonment of effort, hustle or commitment. Surrender allows you to fight the battles that are worthy and noble. Discern what is petty and obstinate and back off.  Sometimes you gotta just let the chips fall where they may and see what happens when the dust clears.

The fear lies in not knowing what will remain or show up once the dust settles. I have invited myself to allow the mystery of the unknown to become the making of the next adventure. I have done enough hand wrangling and worrying to last me several lifetimes. I am much more suited to surrender and allowing. I want ease... Directed and purposeful movement through my life. I want more peace and less "less".

I do believe this is the beginning of Summer. A carefreeness is showing up in my spirit. I cannot be fucked with by anybody... Not by banished-used-to-be-friends, not by toxic associates, or my kids.

I am surrendering to the what is and allowing the blessings to manifest into what positive energy shows itself to me. This is the Season of my Goddessness. Control is the illusion of fools and baby, mama ain't raised no fool!

And I Shall Have Everything

"I'd like you to do less"

And just as I heard this, it was like I walked through another door that has been waiting on me to come thru. I don't fully understand what "do less" means, and I have no intentions of finding out in my everyday practical life. And I certainly have no interest in exploring the thought further with questions. But what I can do is acquiesce to the request.

I do think the statement means less me..Which also means less love and less living. It means, my dreams can't be and should not be tied to the dreams of other folks who don't understand shared destiny. You are welcome to want less... Do less... Have less... I, however want more. And I get to define "more".

What I have been doing is dreaming of a life outside of my own for someone else. Isn't that what all lovers and mother's do? "I'd like you to do less" becomes it's own stop and go sign. A way to redirect some of my energies away from, and back toward something else. Isn't this how break-ups begin?

As I turn this little statement inward and begin deconstructing it for myself. I am reminded of what I know for sure... I am a woman in transition. I live with the understanding that situations are always changing. I am always changing. As I age, I welcome this understanding that my self worth does not rest in the smallness of others. I don't understand less, because I have never aspired to less.

The gift of less is a redirection of my attention and my heart toward matters that grow and expand me. What looks like crazy on an ordinary day is simply not the entire truth. I have come to realize I love my cart full. There is no one thing I want... I WANT EVERYTHING!

And I shall have everything!