Sunday, July 26, 2015

How Did You Survive Everything They Always Ask

When folks hear my story, they always ask how did you survive everything? And then they add and you seem so whole, happy, larger than life. They say oh you get depressed? You seem like the happiest woman on the planet. (Well I am for the most part now)

Rape/Incest/Sexual exploitation
Suicide attempts
Divorce
Foreclosure
Bankruptcy
Federal prison
Unemployment
Sadness
Depression
Obesity (I hate this word... I prefer FAT... it just seems more bountiful)

I always answer depending which bad thing they are referring to. As I look back over my life and see just how far I've come. Sometimes I am baffled. It all seems so long ago. Maybe this for the book... The memoir.

I survived everything by believing that something better was just over the next hill. I just believed that good things would land on me. I believed that I was not meant to die all the times I tried to kill myself. I just didn't die. I survived when I was divinely entrusted with 4 little kids needing a mother. I needed them and did not know it until they arrived one by one.. They opened up a wealth of love that I had never known.I survived by marrying a man who cherished me for 12 of the 14 years we were married. He gave me a real sense of what love in action could be like. That it was possible to be loved just for myself. He did that. He brought me the gift of grown up love. I know I will have it again. I just believe there is someone out there for me... Someone who wants to be good to me and for me.

To survive anything I suspect, begins with believing that you will survive.. You have to redefine what surviving means. Always asking what do I need at this moment?. What do I need? Being clear about what you need helps with praying with purpose. Dear God help me with this, that or the other. And be willing to see what God sends for you.

I just believed I could become the woman of my dreams. So I set out with that thought. Asking how do I do that God, show me, direct my steps. Sometimes I listened to God and sometimes I did not. The journey is forward.




3 comments:

Big Mark 243 said...

...Man, this was a powerful post..! There are many who are charlatans who speak the words without knowing what it really means to actually go through, or endure, any of the tests of faith that you have...

Paul Bass said...

I'm so happy you keep moving forward

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