So finally He packed his things and moved out. It took some doing to get him out of my house, and now it's done! I do not miss the arguing, the nasty, snide comments, the disapproving glances, the quiet retreats from everyday basic conversation. We just didn't get along.
It started with so much promise. I had hoped this loveship would be thrilling, enriching, empowering and comforting. What it really turned out to be was kooky unmet expectations. Ignorant thinking, poor intellectual stimulation and great sex. Not enough to build anything of substance. "If only I would"... He would lament day in and day out. If only I would be, do, think a certain kind of way. If only I never challenged him on decisions, ridiculous stances of right and wrong and truth. If only he could be the lord and master of our fate. As I look back on the last year, I realized I got just what I asked for. I got a poorly defined loveship with someone with a few of the things I like in a person, but not enough to root me to them. I like smart men, that matters to me. I like thinking, conscious, world saving men. I like men who don't run away when things get tough or challenging or messy. I like men who don't whine. I like men who know how to be in family and put down roots. I like men who like women...just as they are. I like men who like themselves. He did not like being in the world as it is. He always saw doom and gloom and ugliness. Ugghh he was depressing to my spirit.
Oh I tried and tried to make it work. Turned myself into a pretzel trying to make it work. Dimmed my own bright lights trying to make this mess work. I am relieved beyond measure not having him underfoot. I am glad he is gone. The truth is he really wasn't here. He really wasn't present. I have to admit that he used my home as a pit stop. A place to be while he was in-between here and there. He has always been in between spaces and places. He has never finished anything. He has run from more challenging situations than I care to count. But his life and shortcoming are not mine to count. I have my own lessons to discern from this experience.
He has indeed made me a richer woman in owning my truths and valuing what I need and want in a partner. I have a map. A love List that still speaks volumes to what I want in my life. He can say whatever, think whatever. I know he was wrong wrong wrong for me. I am not missing him at all.
The Love Story ENDS.
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
10 months ago
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6 comments:
You know what, my Sista?
Instead of feeling sad or sorry for the situation you're currently enduring, I'm actually kind of glad. Yes, glad!
Glad b/c you obviously KNOW yourself & what you require in your life much better than you did before him.
Glad b/c you did not ALLOW this person to hold you prisoner, in exile from your SELF... for too long. Just a year of growing pains (& good sex).
Glad b/c you realize YOU DESERVE better... & it's far more appealing to be content in one's own spirit, than to be with someone & remain miserable!
And mostly glad that the lesson that was so obviously *necessary* for you to learn has officially been grasped!
I disagree w/ you that "The Love Story ends". In actuality, only a chapter ends, & the Larger Story of your journey now begins.
So onward & upward... LITERALLY!
Snatch JOY!
One.
You are such a delicious cocktail! You say the most soothing things! Thank you!
I like what Moaner said because there is less focus on 'him' and it uplifts and speaks well about you.
It is amazing at how things end from where they started. Everything you did not think would be in your relationship appears and what was seen as promise before you, disappears, an illusion.
You are stronger and better for the experience and I believe closer to finding that partner than you are further away from it, even though it may not seem that way now.
Hell... if you were looking for the qualities mentioned, you could have hooked up with ME and I would not had to drag myself out west!! :0)
Big Mark,
You are a rare jewel indeed. You are charming and had I known wooing you was an option. I would have wooed you grandly! Out west... Hhhmmm
Dearest Sister,
Sometimes the end is the beginning of something else. Remember your good times, cherish the good memories and take you lessons with you as you embark on the next phase of your journey.
Love will find you, it is your only job to recognize it when it does.
(((HUGS)))
Lovebabz!
I've been away, but not far in spirit. I have so much love and respect for what you bless us with.
I asked His Side to leave months ago. I fought with myself, because I believe he's the right man at the wrong time.
Although he's dealing with very real issues, I became the soft loving place where he acts out in damaging ways. I put up with too much, and I know he can't advance and land on his feet when I keep allowing him to slouch on the job.
I know he can make it, but not with me... right now. He doesn't demonstrate any accountability, no matter how many times he apologizes and no matter how many boundaries I set. He steps over those boundaries too often, knowing that my forgiving and giving heart will always prevail. His pleas are falling on deaf ears, so time is up.
Thank you so much for taking us on your journey. You have no idea how much it helps us... helps me.
I wish you a Very Merry Christmas!
Rock on.
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