10 Years Ago... The Return Of Babz

10 years ago today I was released from Danbury Federal Prison Camp. My SisterLo blogged the month for me while I was serving my time. My children, Briana was 10, Gregory was 9, Khalil was 6 and Margeaux was 5 years old. They were so young and brave. I still get teary just remmbering the day I came home and how Margeaux jumped out of the car and ran crying into my arms. She missed me... They all missed me and I truly missed them!

Here is the post my SisterLo wrote in anticpation of my return:

The Return Of Babz

Thank you SisterLo for hgolding down this blog 10 years ago!

All of this is squarely behind me. There will be no more rememberences of this time. No more blog posts, no more marking the anniversary (Okay maybe at the 20 year point). But from here on out, I remain free and happy! Thank you all for coming along on this journey.

Ten Years Ago... Faith Forward Firday (Saturday): Holler If You Hear Me...

This was for yesterday 10/27/17

10 years ago my SisterLo blogged in my stead while I was away serving 30 days at Danbury Federal Prsion Camp.

I found this post quite interesting. My SisterLo never took to church the way I have. So this post is extraordinary.

Here is the link:

Faith Forward Friday (Saturday): Holler If You Hear Me...

10 Years Ago... Opportunity Knocked And Broke Down My Door

On this day 10 years ago my SisterLo blogged in my stead while I was away serving time at the Danbury Federal Prison Camp.

I found her posts to be not only personal, but quite insightful and they certainly stand the test of time.

Here is the link to that 10/25/2007 post:

Opportunity Knocked And Broke Down My Door...

10 Years Ago Today...Rambling Thoughts About... Road Rage?

I remain very grateful that my SisterLo blogged for me while I was away serving 30 day (29 days) at Danbury Federal Prison Camp.

On this day 10 years ago, she blogged what was in her head...

Here's the link:

Rambling Thoughts About... Road Rage?

10 years ago Today... True Love Tuesday: Love Money Can Buy

10 years ago my SisterLo held down this blog while I served time at the Danbury Federal Prison Camp. Today is October 16 and this is what she posted 10 years ago. 

Click on the link:


True Love Tuesday: Love Money Can Buy

10 Years Ago.... Faith Forward Friday: Ask and Ye Shall Recieve... To a Point

The October 12, 2007 Post by my SisterLo while I was away serving time at Dambury Federal Prison Camp.

Sustatinable weath... Blessings and other opportunities. I so love the way my Sister writes!

Faith Forward Friday: Ask and Ye shall Recieve... To a point. 

10 Years Ago Today...True Love Tuesday: What Do You Want…Today?

My SisterLo blogged all of October in my place while I was serving my time at Danbury Federal Prison Camp. In celebration and rememberence I am posting links to her posts on the very days she blogged!

This is the post 10 years ago today by her:

True Love Tuesday: What Do You Want...Today?

10 Years ago Today... Faith Forward Friday: That's the Truth Ruth

10 years ago I was tucked away at Danbury Federal Prison Camp... My Sister Lo blogged in my stead!

Here is October 5, 2007!

Faith Forward Friday: That's the Truth Ruth

10 Years ago Today... Sister Lo And True Love Tuesday ( really Thursday)

While I was away serving my time... My Sister Lo held down this blog for 30 days!  Even now I am still surprised and impressed with her commitment to doing it!  I had a recurring theme for Tuesdays... True Love Tuesdays. She kept it up, choosing football! And let me tell you football at her house with her hubby is a real thing! Like don't call their house during football season! For real!


Here's Lo's post:

True Love Tuesday (On a Thursday) Are You Ready For Some Football?

10 years ago today...

10 years ago today, I surrendered to Danbury Prison Camp to serve a 30 day sentence. My Sister Lo blogged here in my stead. So, I decided to repost all her posts from that time!  She's a very good writer/blogger!

Here is the link:
What the Hell is Snarky?

Happy Fall!

APRIL IS NATIONAL POETRY MONTH: My Own Poem

I am inspired by the Prisoner's Wife--go roun' and show her some LOVE!
And Stephen Bess, who is committed to writing a poem every day for the month of April...his poetry is hauntingly beautiful.


I wrote this for my Sister Lo who when my now Brother-in-law "T" wanted to propose he called me to say Lo was being funky about getting a engagement ring. He wanted her to have one, she thought it was ridiculous and wanted just a band on their wedding day. At that time my Mother was still alive and she was pleading with my Sister to just accept T's ring and stop being...difficult. My Sister and I are very headstrong---I did not have an engagement ring either. Anyway My Mother ordered me...yes ordered me to deal with my Sister. So I wrote a poem, put it on lovely paper and FedEx it to her. She accepted his ring. My Mother was happy and I too eventually bought myself an engagement ring. (note: I was already married at the time--but decided if my Sister would wear a engagement I would too in solidarity! Yep, I love my Sister)

For Lo & "T"
August 13, 1996

the directions may not always be clear
so you make plans
and plans and plans

you tell the world I was made to love him
I was made to love her

nothing is ever sure or 100%
the safety is knowing that there is love
strong, passionate and
enduring

there is no such thing as always eye to eye
even miss piggy and kermit have their
moments of sheer bliss
and chaos

you know every time you walk through the front door,
every time
you are not at your best
that this is work and commitment and
joy

go for the gold

go on get married!

Warriors, Come Out and Play…..

Yes, I know, I said I was finished blogging for Babz. But I need(ed) to blog about Babz. My sister thinks I am very smart and extremely talented…which is true. I’m not boasting, but I’ve long since acknowledged my talents and strengths, and am the first to identify my challenges (read weaknesses to others). However, I recognize my source of strength, or rather the foundation by which my talents and intellect were born and nurtured. My mother, brothers, sister, 6th grade teacher and my father have had the most significant impact on my life. I included my father, because the level of brutality, mean-spiritedness, and abusive behavior forms the crux of how I interact with men specifically, and people in general.

Anyway…. my sister was one of my heroes before I knew what that really meant. I couldn’t verbalize her significance in my pubescence, but began to clearly understand her impact when I reached high-school. With college, I could appreciate what having Babz for a sister was worth, and by the time I moved to NJ, knew that we were not just great sisters, but she is a best friend. Now, I don’t use the word friend lightly. I only have a few, and four of them I’ve already mentioned. My rule is, if I have more friends than fingers, I’ve got too many friends. Not that I don’t care about people, and I want them to care about me. But, I only have a few people that I know will go to battle w/ me no questions asked, or if they do ask, they ask the questions that matter, not what did I do, but what do I need now.

My Mom taught me what unconditional love looks like, feels like. If I don’t feel that, you can’t be my friend. I know some will say that’s harsh, but I don’t take friendship lightly. If you’re my friend, it’s for life. I didn’t get to choose my brothers and sister, aunts or uncles. But, I do/did get to choose my posse, my ride or die partners, my I-got-your-back-no-matter-what crew. Enough said about friendship. Now, Babz has had this episode that I think has shaken her to her core and made her doubt her capabilities. I post this for all to see. Babz is not a survivor, she is a warrior. We are warriors. Survivors… survive. Warriors survive and conquer. So, let’s kick some ass Babz. Yes, my cage has been rattled, and I want Babz and whoever else reads this blog to know this: this episode was one moment in time, one episode in the life of Babz. An anomaly. The good times are coming back around. But, I want my sister to know I love her, I adore her. I know you.

Babz, I’m sorry your marriage is ending. But it is. Let’s keep it moving. To Babz’ husband if he’s reading: too bad for you. I don’t wish you any ill will, but too bad for you. I’m sorry for the kids. I’m really pissed that the concerns you had for your marriage weren’t important enough for you to check that shit before now, before the marriage, before the kids were adopted, before the house. I have said to Babz frequently, you set the bar to high for him and now you’re tripping, not him, over the bar. So, in closing, Babz, I’ve got your back. I think you can save the house, reinvent yourself, and make six figures. Yes, I believe, because I know you. Fuck the husband, the media, and the naysayers. They don’t exist in my world and they shouldn’t exist in yours. Because at the end of the day (my favorite saying), it’s only about you…Babz. Be who you are, better yet, be the woman you want to be.

Warriors, come out and play…...

The Return of Babz

I have missed my sister. There has been a whole in my conscious realm of existence. Only recently have I hade the benefit of speaking with her. Babz returns today. Sometime after 8:30 AM, Babz will be released.

I know will she have many stories to share. I also know she will have changed. Her experience with the justice system has been a journey I’m sure she never expected to take. Still, it is my hope that she turns this experience into an asset.

Babz has repeatedly said she no longer has the desire to work with the public. I think she was burnt-out. I think Federal prison may have rattled her cage and reignited her energy, her hustle, her motivation. I hope so, ‘cause there’s a lot of work that needs to be done.

For me, this will probably be my last post. To those of you that have been faithful to this blog while Babz was away, thank you for your support. Stay tuned, the transition continues….

Faith Forward Friday (Saturday): Holler If You Hear Me…..

I haven’t been to church in years. I have been invited to church by friends for various ceremonies. But, I had planned to join a church by now. I’ve been in New Jersey for more than ten years and still haven’t made that connection. With the birth of each child, again, I thought surely I would/could find a house of worship.

I grew up going to church EVERY Sunday. Although I didn’t particularly like the church I attended, I did feel a part of a larger community that believed in God and all that entailed. When I became a teenager, my mother allowed me to decide if I wanted to continue at that church, join another, or not go. I frequented my grandmother’s church because the choir was the best in town. But, I never joined a church through baptism.

I am a spiritual person and have studied different religions. I take what works for me and incorporate those practices into my life and believe I am passing universal truths and lessons to my children. Still, I would like them to have the experience of the ritual of church sermons, bile study, maybe even bible camp. It’s not my lack of faith that keeps me from church, it’s my lack of belief and trust in those that lead. I have met only a few religious leaders with which I would entrust the spiritual development of my children. I don’t like being yelled at, or victimized by the fire and brimstone speech. I don’t like cliques, especially at church where I expect members to have a greater appreciation and understanding of acceptance, forgiveness and compassion.

Now, some who know me find it puzzling that I would even entertain the idea of church, on a Sunday, since that’s football’s day during the fall. However, any church that I’ve attended and would/have considered have early sessions that would get me home before 1 PM (kickoff time).

Anyway… I’ll find something. Sometimes, there is no substitute for sitting in a house of worship and feeling the power of belief released in waves across the congregation. Not the jump around, fall on the floor belief; but that quiet, nod your head or smile belief because the sermon was seemingly directed at you, without judgment, but with care and concern.

Holler if ya hear me…

Opportunity Knocked and Broke Down My Door….

I’ve stopped watching TV. Not because there isn’t anything to watch. I do like several shows - Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Life, K-Ville and a few things on the Discovery Channel. Thank God for Tivo! I couldn’t possibly watch everything if I couldn’t fast forward through the commercials. But still that’s not why I’m not watching.

In the past ten days, I’ve received every contract I applied for. Can you believe it? Every one!!! Now, I had hoped to get two or three, in the best case scenario I dreamed of four. I have FIVE contracts. I have five contracts that require my time simultaneously. So, I don’t have time to watch TV. I’ve turned my TV off because I’ve been using TV as a crutch, a way to pass the time instead of doing the things I know I should be doing and the things I say I want to do.

I’m not complaining. But, my husband got me thinking when he asked me “are you prepared for the success awaiting you?” Of course I adamantly replied, “Yes.” Then I thought about it – am I really prepared?

I know I have an awesome skill set and work ethic. I know my strengths and challenges. Most importantly, I know what I want. Still, the little voice in my head asks, “are you really prepared to make the sacrifices you regularly speak about to others? Are you really willing to rise to the occasion and forgo the comforts you have come to know, and enjoy?” I believe I am. But today, at this moment, “The work” I so frequently refer to in conversation is here and needs to be done. It needs to be done right, the first time. My professional reputation is gaining the respect I envisioned. But to move to the next level, that level I have seen myself moving towards for years is here, right now. I am both excited and apprehensive.

Damn, the opportunities are….here.

Rambling Thoughts about ….Road Rage?

I haven’t blogged in almost a week. I meant to. I had plans to. But it didn’t happen.. again. I could make lots of excuses, and have. So, I’ve decided to just write about whatever pops into my head as I write this post.

For past postings for Love Babz, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. Now, my mind is filled with all my new contracts. Yes, I’ve been blessed with two new contracts that will keep me busy through March 2008. I love when all the effort you put into something materializes just when you think, “Well, I guess that’s not gonna happen.” And then, you get a phone call or an email or some communication stating that “we couldn’t possibly do this project without you.” Yes, my mind is on work and the possibilities of new work and how all that work (at good pay) will help me return to some semblance of financial stability.

I could write about how I hate that our society is more prone to believe what they see someone say on TV, as opposed to believing what they see like the Rodney King beating. I could query why political pundits spend so much time analyzing politicians and not enough time helping Joe and Jane Public decipher the politics of politics. I’ve even thought about a campaign to place all cars a device that automatically disengages a vehicle if it fails to signal before a turn. Better yet, I’d rather have an ordinance that would provide me with a monster truck to aggressively pursue people who don’t use turn signals or who flick cigarettes from their car windows instead of using their ashtray.

Well, see, I had more to say than I thought.

True Love Tuesday: Love Money Can Buy

I’m a consultant. There is a certain pleasure I derive from being my own business entity and commodity. I work my own hours, at my own pace, and wear whatever I want to get the job done. The thing I love about consulting is that I can ramp up for a project that is finite. If anyone wants more of my services, they know that they have to pay for it - which is always good.

Now, sometimes I have to take a job for the money…because I need to pay bills. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed with good jobs, but sometimes those jobs are few and far between. In the past few months there have been times when I thought I would be working for Target or Home Depot at anytime. I’m not opposed to working; I’ve been working since I was thirteen. I know how to hustle multiple so-so paying jobs with low-wage jobs. I’ve done retail, custodial, and childcare.

But now, finally, I feel like my talents are being appreciated with the appropriate compensation I heard tell about some years ago with the go-to-college-and-do-good- things speech. I believe if you have talent and are steadfast, opportunities will find you. I love the whole karma thing. So, yes, a good contract that allows me to showcase my skills and pays top dollar, well that’s a love money can buy for me ANYTIME!

Faith Forward Friday: Ask and Ye Shall Receive ….to a point

I’m a consultant. My specialty areas are project management, project evaluation and performance management. My three areas of expertise are linked – effective management will include ample opportunities for internal evaluations that (should) lead to a continuous improvement loop. My faith is similarly appointed.

I pray for things that make sense to me – incredible health for family and friends, viable contracts to do good work, patience (always patience) and wisdom. I have on a few occasions asked to win the lottery or have someone removed from my life (not dead, just exit my realm of existence). I haven’t won the lottery, but a few folks have moved on to other locations – some in this world, others in the “spirit” world.

Anyway… this week I received news about a contract which was pending for several months. It’s a great contract because it will allow me work 2-3 days a week as opposed to five days and a part-time job to meet household expenses. Well, when it rains, it pours – for me anyway. I received a call from another organization that I have consulted with (love them because they pay top dollar!) and was asked if I was amenable to working for them again. On top of that, an organization I thought I probably would not ever work with again contacted me, not about work, but the conversation was pleasant.

I have been smiling like a Cheshire Cat all day. I got what I asked for, what I prayed for. What I take away from moments like this is that I never wavered in what I needed. I want a lot of things – weekly spa retreats, a bigger house with weight room, and manageable hair. But, I nver wavered in asking for what was important to me.

Now, I must digress for a moment. I used to have the kind of hair and haircut that would make people stop and notice – healthy hair with a sharp haircut. I’m six feet tall, so an excellent haircut just accentuated my stature.

Back to the blessings. Instead of quick wealth, I always asked for sustainable wealth; opportunities for me to work at the things I wanted to be doing, but also with an accommodating salary. This week I feel that I’m on my way…making my prayers and dreams a reality. Oh, I’ve worked hard, sometimes for free. But, I always knew and know that my blessings are opportunities, I must be steadfast and diligent with my efforts to move to the levels of personal success and personal fulfillment that I desire.

True Love Tuesday: What Do You Want…Today?

I awoke this morning, somewhat stressed and bothered. Stressed that I’m not doing the things I really want to be doing when I want. I know that sounds childish, even selfish. Still, the obligations that await me daily are sometimes overwhelming and sometimes just… overwhelmingly boring.

I like adventure and being impromptu, but I also like routine. I like certain things to stay on schedule – like bedtime for my boys, dinner during the week, and knowing that on Sundays in September though December, I’m watching football.. ALL DAY.

Anyway, this morning I was annoyed that my oldest son was not doing what I had asked him to do to get ready for school. It’s a common occurrence, but today it just really annoyed me. I get that he’s four and his focus is on playing, or rather, occupying his time with the things that he deems more important than following my commands. He was about to blow our morning routine.

The request this morning that became the bane of my existence at 8:30 AM was Buddy Bear. Buddy Bear is a stuffed animal that each child in my son’s Pre-K class takes home to care for and reports to the class the next morning all the things they did. Well Buddy Bear was lying on the floor without his blanket. “Where’s Buddy Bear?” I asked, knowing exactly where he was and how blanketless he was. My son replied, “I don’t know, can you help me find him?” I explained to him that he needed to be more responsible for his things, like keeping his sneakers together so we don’t have to hunt for them in the morning, or putting his toys away, consistently keeping his room clean – I could (did) go on and on. When I had finished, my son smiled at me and asked again, “Mom, can you help me find Buddy Bear?”

In that moment I(re)learned a valuable lesson – ask for what you need. My son wisely ignored my rant and focused solely on what he needed at that moment: Buddy Bear. Now, I realize that an adult life is much more complicated than child’s (the whole work and debt thing). But, his steadfastness and forgiving tone was more resolute than my whining.

At times, I have been slow in asking for help. I have repeatedly (re)learned to take it from wherever it comes. I’m not a supermom, although today my sons beg to differ. Whatever crisis of boredom or frustration I have because of choices I have made are mine to resolve. This morning I realized (again) that what’s happening at this moment is more important than what could happen tomorrow. Knowing what is needed today and asking for it today is wise.

Faith Forward Friday: That’s the Truth, Ruth

I believe in a God. Yes, I believe that there is a higher power moving through the universe, a positive force (goodness) that ALWAYS trumps negative energy (evil). Now, I don’t claim any particular religion, because I don’t believe I need an intermediary to get access to my God. However, I will concede at times that an intermediary, in whatever fashion – be they called priest, reverend, rabbi, or friend – is necessarily helpful with my communication.

Each morning when I awake, I lay still in the bed and give thanks for all that I have and pray for the wisdom and guidance to do all that I must. I’ve been thinking that keeping the positive energy flowing toward and around me (blessings) require the appropriate actions and deeds. I try to keep it simple – do unto others…, say what I mean, mean what I say, and keep the lying to the bare minimum. I really don’t have a problem with lying. Most people that seek my advice and/or support do so because they know they’ll get just that – the unadulterated truth. That’s not to say that I’m not tactful, just snarkily honest.

When I was a teenager, I took bible study with my sister. One of the most important lessons for me was that once you know something to be true, you can’t ignore it anymore. You can’t pretend that you didn’t know, or fake it. Because then Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” would prove to be … true. Now, I do believe that most of society resides in Plato's proverbial cave; again by choice. It's easier to ignore the truth than to deny it, becuase denying it would mean you'd have to think about it, then present a cogent argument for refuting it, AND then do something about it (whatever it is).

I spend a lot of time thinking about truth and what that means and it’s relativity from one situation to the next. One thing I know for sure (ode to Oprah) is that when truth is not readily accepted, it’s because it’s not what’s really wanted. We say we want to know things, we want the truth. But what is really sought is a truth that is recognizable and palatable. A truth that is conveniet and comforting. I don't want a convenient and comforting truth. I want the usually painful, often distateful, sometimes burdening, but always cleasning truth. And that's the truth, Ruth.