LOVE IS IN THE AIR: POETRY

I never realized it but February is one of my most favorite months. Black history month is celebrated! and Valentine's Day! I love love love Valentine's Day! So I am taking a bit of a break from my lamenting my life and will share my favorite love poems and songs/videos by Black people and anything else that speaks to LOVE!

Here is a poem from Haki Madbhubuti...whom I am wild for! LOL! Check him out at Third World Press.

LOVE GETS TOO MUCH CREDIT
UNTIL IT FINDS YOU

you don't find love, it finds you
not that love is hidden or unavailable
it's on its own mission searching for receptive souls.
love cannot be bought, sold or ordered with dinner,
cannot be charged on gold cards or revolving accounts,
cannot be bartered with food stamps, coupons or promises,
cannot be redeemed with cashier checks or money orders.
love is seasoned and concealed in fine fire,
delicate music and accessible secrets that are quilted
to the tone of distinctive voices wrapped in unconditions and
clear commitments
created for unique lovers who have matured
and are prepared to receive the most precious of stones
allowing love to tango its cultured language generously
and unencumbered into the essence of those
who are blessed.

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE

I have been doing a lot of thinking about my sensuality. What brings me pleasure? I started thinking seriously about this because I had a very enlightening conversation with a man--who is becoming my friend, who suggested that I should ditch my pajamas and sleep NAKED! NAKED! Now, there was a time when I would happily and easily jump between my sheets Au natural. BUT I have kids now! He then says, "so keep a robe or some pj pants near you". HHhmm. He then goes on to say "What is the point of luxurious sheets if you can't enjoy them on your skin?" He is right.

So what is my pleasure principle? Do I even have a pleasure principle?
Yes, I love high thread count Egyptian Cotton sateen sheets, Turkish bath towels, fine wines, music, beautiful flowers and the best non-dairy chocolate to be found anywhere. What does this mean? and how can I jump start my sensuality factor? I think it is and it isn't about sex solely. I mean I am not having sex at the moment. But someday I will! But in the meantime, how do I enjoy feeling my environment sensually? I don't have an answer yet. Of course, true to form this will require some discernment and further discussions.

I have a vision of the kind of woman I want to be sensually. It is of course rooted in My Grown Woman-ness. Connecting to that part of myself requires a changing of my mind and thinking sensually as I go about my days. So I am taking this on as part of my transition. Tonight I START SLEEPING NAKED! YES NAKED! NAKED NAKED NAKED!

1000 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
21. Visit the Great Wall of China
22. Learn to Play The Piano
23. Publish Memoirs
24. Learn Ballroom Dancing
25. Do Pilate's

APRIL IS NATIONAL POETRY MONTH: My Own Poem

I am inspired by the Prisoner's Wife--go roun' and show her some LOVE!
And Stephen Bess, who is committed to writing a poem every day for the month of April...his poetry is hauntingly beautiful.


I wrote this for my Sister Lo who when my now Brother-in-law "T" wanted to propose he called me to say Lo was being funky about getting a engagement ring. He wanted her to have one, she thought it was ridiculous and wanted just a band on their wedding day. At that time my Mother was still alive and she was pleading with my Sister to just accept T's ring and stop being...difficult. My Sister and I are very headstrong---I did not have an engagement ring either. Anyway My Mother ordered me...yes ordered me to deal with my Sister. So I wrote a poem, put it on lovely paper and FedEx it to her. She accepted his ring. My Mother was happy and I too eventually bought myself an engagement ring. (note: I was already married at the time--but decided if my Sister would wear a engagement I would too in solidarity! Yep, I love my Sister)

For Lo & "T"
August 13, 1996

the directions may not always be clear
so you make plans
and plans and plans

you tell the world I was made to love him
I was made to love her

nothing is ever sure or 100%
the safety is knowing that there is love
strong, passionate and
enduring

there is no such thing as always eye to eye
even miss piggy and kermit have their
moments of sheer bliss
and chaos

you know every time you walk through the front door,
every time
you are not at your best
that this is work and commitment and
joy

go for the gold

go on get married!

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: ANSWERS AND THE LAST LOVE & PASSION POEM #29

This has been a week of many changes and challenges for me. I only know that this morning. I didn't realize while each day was unfolding that I was shedding another layer. I was purging. Giving up some ghosts. I see that clearly this morning. I feel happy in my heart. There are some exciting possibilities on the horizon. I believe I have found my tribe and they have accepted my offer to help. This is Divine. I asked someone to co-write a poem with me and he said yes! How Divine!

I am getting answers to the things I am asking about and things I am asking for. This week was illuminating in a very special way. I have stepped into another phase. I feel it. And I like. And I am not afraid.

Linda Cousins
Love Being Loved


i have loved
being embraced
by man

but there is no embrace
like the enduring
and gentle
yet freeing embrace

of the Spirit

i have loved
making love
to man
but there is no love made
like the love

of the Spirit
remaining ever
as One
with you

not separating
after moments of ecstasies
to become duality
once more

ever as one

ever as One
in the loving
embrace
in the climactic
high
of an inner life
that sustains
and remains
eternally

and I need such
sustaining
and eternally
remaining
don’t you?

ever as one
ever as One
in the eternal
sweet
Love embrace

of the Spirit.

HEALING AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #28

My son Gregory was the oldest child we adopted. He arrived when he was 5 years old, he is now 9 years old. He came with some mental health challenges. One being He hoard's food. We thought he had stopped but he has started back up. It is heart breaking to see a kid so wounded so young. He is afraid that he will be hungry again. He is not convinced in his soul that HERE he has more than enough. He knows it intellectually, but spiritually he is afraid. He is struggling. He has made great progress in the last 4 years since we adopted him. But, old wounds are hard to heal. So his fear is getting the best of him at the moment.

I understand that kind of fear. Being raped as a child and sold for sex to strangers by my father creates a level of fear that almost breaks you...almost. I have my issues that still haunt me. Not like my son's haunting. I have long since made some peace with my father and his abuse. However I struggle with some residual fall-out, like weight and body image. For me gaining weight has been the distance I needed to have between being that Little Girl and this Grown Woman. To be thinner would mean being back in that Little Girl space. That is my demon. There are others. But for the sake of today this is all I am prepared to hang-out to the world.

So as Gregory's Mother, I want to protect him and care for him and love him. I am not afraid of his mental health challenges. They all have their issues...all of my children have seen too much as children. I believe my role is to be an alternate route for them. A lighthouse for a safe passage. In being that for them, I get to be that for myself. The adults around me as a child did not/could not protect me for whatever reasons, but now I get to protect my children and in doing so, I go back and protect myself. I get to do for them what wasn't done for me. This makes me happy. It makes me strong and shows me just how powerful God is. God has entrusted me with the care of these children and in doing so, I suspect he has saved my life.

Sandra San-Viki Chapman
Relationship

I need to be with me now
I need to let myself love me deeply
Care for me tenderly
Help me carefully
I need to take me in my arms
Rock myself into a deep sleep
And rest until my spirit rises
Renewed and willed for a work
Long overdue

FEELING SAD AND BLUE AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #27

I am out of balance. I am feeling a bit sad. It is not a state of mind I like being in and I recognize it when it shows up. I am however, not going to run from feeling out of sorts. I am going to allow myself this time to feel these feelings. I am going to allow my self the honor of feeling sad and blue. Mind you I am not wallowing in self-pity. I am allowing myself the time to keep my own council and retreat for a bit into myself. I am not afraid that this will turn into full blown depression. I believe, when I do not give myself the opportunity to get in touch with my real feelings and deal with what's underneath that is causing me pain then depression has opportunity to take root. I have to give myself back to myself and stand fully in my spirit.

So today I am retreating inward. I am going to spend my day in prayer and meditation. I am shutting out the noise of the world and finding my center. I am slowing down the routine of my life today and will return renewed and in balance. If not I will take another day and another day...as many days as I need until I am feeling renewed and replenished.

Dorothy Meekins
A Place Called Comfort

The last time I gave my lover a bath, my hands caressed his
smooth black skin. The small ripples of waves brushed gently against the tub, taking with them lifeless, skin, that retreated to the foot of the tub.

The essence of flowers added sweet smells and candlelight
danced against walls. I stroked him gently and wished the night could last forever. His perfectly chiseled body lay limp
from the steam created by the hot water and his eyelids
relaxed to a near closed position.

Sometimes now, as I fall asleep, I remember that time, the
pleasant small talk and my escalating emotions. He melted
inside me that day and I found within the experience, a place called Comfort.

The last time I gave my lover a bath, I went to a place that protected me from all the pain that my life has known, a place
called Comfort.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARGEAUX! AND LOVE AND PASSION POEM #25

Today is Margeaux Helena's 6th birthday! We named her after my late mother, Margaret and my mother-in-law Helen. Margeaux was the only child to arrive as a newborn...2 weeks old. We had to wait until she got to exactly 5 lbs before she could come home--she was born with drugs in her system and was low birth weight. She did go to a foster home for a few days right out of the hospital while we were jumping through home inspection hoops, updating our adoption paper work and so on.

The Social Worker arrived with her in a car seat and a little diaper bag, that was all she had. She was so tiny wrapped in moutains of pink blankets. The Social Worker put her in my arms and said see ya! I was stunned! What! where are you going so fast I said. She looked at me and firmly said: "you are her mother, you will be fine". And out the door she went. In that moment the real love affair began.

Nikki Giovanni
ALWAYS THERE WILL BE CHILDREN

and always there will be children

there will be children in the heat of day
there will be children in the cold of winter

children like a quilted blanket
are welcomed in our old age

children like a block of ice to a desert sheik
are a sign of status in our youth

we feed the children with our culture
that they might understand our travail

we nourish the children on our gods
that they may understand respect

we urge the children on the tracks
that our race will not fall short

but children are not ours
nor we theirs they are future we are past

how do we welcome the future
not with the colonialism of the past
for that is our problem
not with the racism of the past
for that is their problem
not with the fears of our own status
for history is lived not dictated

we welcome the young of all groups
as our own with the solid nourishment
of food and warmth

we prepare the way with solid
nourishment of self-actualization

we implore all the young to prepare for the young
because always there will be children

Rome 12 November 1974

IT'S ALWAYS JAZZ SUNDAY: LOVE & PASSION POEM #24

This morning I am deliciously happy. My Sister-friend JB is back from vacation! She stopped in last night for a good long chat and I am feeling like my universe is back in alignment...I missed her...terribly!
I am happy about other things too, but it's too early to chat about. However, I will say someone has captured my attention in a very intellectually sexy way--a man with a fine mind and a world vision and a loving spirit. I mean I am crushing on someone and I think he maybe crushing on me...so we shall see.

Pearl Cleage
Secret Life
(for Zaron)

we have a secret life,
you and i.
a life between the darkness
and the light
with your mouth on my,
my mouth on your...

we have a secret life
that binds us
and blinds us
and finds us gasping
and giggling
and grasping
at a way to stop time.

we have a secret life,
a movie in my mind
that flashes when they ask me
what i see in you.
what can i do?
how can i tell them
it's your mouth on my,
my mouth on your...

so don't even try.
i know the strength of secrets
is only in their keeping
and the beauty of the love
is always in the seeking
of that moment nothing matters
but that moment nothing matters.

we have a secret life,
a life between
the darkness and the light,
that keeps the world at bay
makes it all alright.

FINALLY IT STOPPED SNOWING! AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #23

It SNOWED all day yesterday! Finally I had to go out and shovel, and of course turn the children loose. They love the snow. AAArgh!

C. Tillery Banks

Untitled

it does not matter
how long you stay
forever
is in me
and i control it.

your beauty
your joy
are mine
to recall
always
whenever…

your tenderness
is tucked around
the corners
of my heart
matters not
if we are
together
or apart

your gentleness
wakes me
with a smile
remembering
all those times
you held me tight
all through the night
remembering…

no
it does not matter
how long you stay
i keep you inside me
in my
very own
special
way

the glow
in your eyes
warms my soul
even after you’ve gone
to where
to whom
or what
the glow
lingers
and warms
and warms
and warms

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: AM I THE ONE THAT I WANT? AND LOVE AND PASSION POEM #22

I am no different than a lot of women. I want to be in love. I want a loving long standing relationship. But what exactly does that mean? Really? I have love relationships, I have long standing loving relationships. I have people in my life who love me and have moved heaven and earth for my happiness and I love them with the same passion and commitment. What am I longing for? What is it that I want? And if I am clear about what I want, am I also that very thing? What do I have that would make another heart feel peaceful?

Have I done enough personal development work and spiritual development work in preparation for a soul mate? Have I unpacked my baggage and put away my demons so that when Mr. Divine Right Man shows up, I am ready? I am not so sure. I am not so sure I am who I want at the moment. And if I am unsure as to what I want and need and desire, then how is someone going to know? When you have no idea of what you want then whatever shows up is good enough? Is it just ok to have someone want you, without ever thinking if you truly want them? Is that love by default? Is that better than being alone?

I am growing into myself and in doing that, my requirements of a soul-mate grows and becomes more defined. As I become more of who I am supposed to be, my soul-mate is getting closer and I suspect waiting with baited breath for me to step into my Grown Woman space more fully. I am not looking for an "ultimate relationship" that is way too much pressure and creates a level of expectation that cannot be sustained. What I am hoping for is clarity, and time for further discernment. There is no rush. I am in no hurry. Of course there will be a new lover. I have every faith in that. Will that love connection stand the test of time? Who knows. I do know that I am fixing my mind to attract my heart's desire, just as I am growing myself to become my heart's desire... with God's help of course.

Naomi Long Madgett
Reply

I cannot swear with any certainty
That I will always feel as I do now,
Loving you with the same fierce ecstasy,
Needing the same your lips upon my brow.
Nor can I promise stars forever bright,
Or vow green leaves will never turn gold.
I cannot see beyond this present night
To say what promises the dawn may hold.
And yet, I know my heart must follow you
High up to hilltops, low through vales of tears,
Through golden days and days of sombre hue.
And love will only deepen with the years,
Becoming sun and shadow, wind and rain,
Wine that grows mellow, bread that will sustain.

REMEMBERING DANBURY AND LOVE AND PASSION POEM #21

I have not talked a great deal about serving time at the Danbury Federal Prison Camp. Not because I am ashamed or find it upsetting. Quite the contrary. I am not ashamed to have served there. I am over that. There is nothing I can do about the past. And what is the past anyway, but memories in your mind. I haven't talked about it because I wanted to create a real space for it. To give it respect. To honor that time. No I am not holding it up as a thing of pride, but as an experience that has shaped my rethinking about my life, how I choose to come to love and community and GOD.

From an outsider's perspective 30 days...actually 29 days is not a huge amount of time. For me it was an eternity. I still think I can't really share my experience here in the way that I need to. Perhaps I will dedicate a series of posts or perhaps some other outlet for its release, or maybe not.

My life when laid out is big. It is grand and sweeping and full of lots of different kinds of experiences and people. I have done a lot, seen a lot, been a lot of different things and I am still evolving into the woman I am destined to become. I am getting out of my own way...ok most days I am getting out of my own way and letting the spirit of God move me forward. I am accutely aware of that. I am opening myself up to new experiences and new people that will only add positively to my evolution. Danbury does not loom large over my existence, but it does have its place. The women I met while there were some of the most gracious and caring women I have ever met. I think of them often and I hold them in my prayers. I know they are thinking of me from time to time...I can feel their spirit wishing me well.

I am fearless and forever prayerful and exceedingly hopeful about the world and my place in it. I recognize the grace of my life and the love that surrounds me. I am living in the right now and I am loving it.

Dorothy E. King
CJ--The End

go forth

knowing

that i love you

that i wish only good things
for you

that i hope you find your rainbow
with a golden pot
full of whatever it is you desire

that while our time together was brief
it filled a lifetime worth of dreams

go forth
with the tender feelings
i tear from my heart
to share with you

go forth
knowing
that i will remember it all
every moment

THE JOY OF VIRTUAL FRIENDS AND WHY I LOVE THIS BLOGGING THING AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #20

When I started this blog, I had no expectations. I had no idea who I would meet or if anyone would care about what I have to say. I just wanted to share my broken heart. I wanted to put my life out into the universe as a way to heal. It will be a year in May 2008. I am amazed that I have so much to say. My "True Love" friends are still in shock about what I share here. They can't imgaine why I do it. It is beyond their comprehension. But they have noticed that I have changed dramatically. I am no longer fearful, or tearful, or distant and depressed. I am more of myself these day than I have been in a very long time. Stripping down to your soul for all the world to see takes guts. I needed a gutsy act to jumpstart my heart and push me forward.

Never did I dream that I would fall in love with a community of folks that have wished me well, cheered me on and offered sage advice. Folks from all over the world have stopped in. Folks who are as diverse as snowflakes. I have been able to chat with folks in faraway places about things I wouldn't have time to discuss with my "True Love" friends. I have connected with folks so deeply that I can't imagine my life without them. It is as if I have always known them. My blog roll reflects just a few of the places I love. I may have to take a page from CapCity and commit a whole page to a blogroll!

What has been the most surprising is the number of blogs created by Brothers. That alone has restored my faith in love. These Brothers are writing about love and broken hearts and poetry and family, children, joy, books, science, music, you name it--there is a Brother somewhere blogging about it. Brothers have welcomed me and nurtured me in my short time in the blog world and I am truly grateful.

Sisters already know how to connect and support each other. I believe it is in our DNA. It has been Sisters posting and cheering and checking in. It has been the most healing of experiences feeling the love of Sisters from around the globe. There are Sisters who are up against it with their health, love lives, families, jobs you name it. But yet, and still so many have found me and had extra love to share. I am in awe of the power of love and connection.

So to all my virtual "True Love" friends THANK YOU! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR KIND POSTS!

Derek Walcott
Love after Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: FEELING VERY MJB: "I LIKE WHAT I SEE WHEN I AM LOOKING AT ME WHEN I AM WALKING PAST THE MIRROR" AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #19

A few weeks ago I was having lunch with my best friend "R" at our favorite malaysian restaurant Bentara's. I was going on and on about how I couldn't possibly have sex with this body. I was going on and on about my tummy, my thighs, everything. Until finally he said, "Do you hate yourself?" I was a bit stunned, of course I don't hate myself. He then says: I know you don't, but that is what I hear when you talk about yourself in that way. WOW! I had no idea that was the case. I mean I am pretty confident, fearless even. He went further on to say, that I was way too hard on myself and that a Real and Grown Man will be into you not because of how you look, but how you are. And he thought that I didn't savor the fact that I have been through a lot these last few years. Stuff that would break so many people and yet here I am standing. I never much thought about giving myself a break. I knew I was raising my consiousness, but I wasn't paying attention to the negative talk I was saying to my physical self.

So fast forward a few more weeks having lunch at the same malaysian restaurant with my sister-friend JB before going to see the Anna Deveare Smith play...I posted about this weeks ago. Anway, she said the same exact thing, that she thought I was being way too hard on myself and that I should just love the body I am in right now. She is right.

So today I am releasing my body hatred. This is the body I have and this is the body that houses the love that I give and recieve. So from now on as part of my spiritual growth practices, I will stand in the mirror naked everyday and hug my whole self and tell myself that I love ME just as I am. I will continue going to the gym but with a different mindset. One that says getting fit connects the mind, body and spirit. I will continue to be mindful of what I eat. Nothing will be off limits, I am not depriving myself of anything, just changing the direction of the energy.

And last but not least, I am going shopping for new underwear! I mean I am getting sexy, sexy, sexy! Don't get me wrong I am erring on the side of comfort but these days you can have sexy and comfort too. I am, like Justin Timberlake "bringing Sexy BACK!"

Pat Parker
Untitled

Let me come to you naked
come without my masks
come dark
and lay beside you

Let me come to you old
come as a dying snail
come weak
and lay beside you

Let me come to you angry
come shaking with hate
come callused
and lay beside you

even more

Let me come to you strong
come sure and free
come powerful

and lay with you

GUILT-FREE DAY AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #18

When I was a kid my Mother did not allow for sleeping late on the weekends. "Don't let the day get away" That has stayed with me my whole life. Now I am the only one of my siblings that has this problem. The other three can sleep in. My brother Bob-O is more like me though, he can't really sleep in either. So today it's a holiday and it's pouring rain. I mean it is dark and overcast. Surely no one can venture out on a day like today...so, I am sleeping in! It is a GUILT FREE DAY! The children can make cereal for breakfast and PB&J for lunch with chips and juice box. I can lay in my bed and read my magazines, books and newspapers, pull out all my favorite women singing cds--Lizz Wright, Vanessa Williams, Brenda Russell, Minnie Ripperton, Carole King, Abby Lincoln and a few others for as long as I like. Of course I will get sick of being in the bed. But I am going to force myself to relax and do nothing. DO NOTHING! I am always doing something, but today I am DOING NOTHING!

Nikki Giovanni
I WANT TO SING

i want to sing
a piercing note
lazily throwing my legs
across the moon
my voice carrying all the way
over to your pillow
i want you

i need i swear to loll
about the sun
and have it smelt me
the ionosphere carrying
my ashes all
the way over
to your pillow
i want you

IT'S ALWAYS JAZZ SUNDAY: DEACON?...YIKES! YES THAT WOULD BE ME AND POEM #17

A few weeks ago I was approached by my Church to become a Deacon. I was shocked! SHOCKED, STUNNED, AFRAID. When I got the call, it started with "We think you are an amazing woman. We would be honored if you joined us as part of the leadership of the Church" I couldn't believe it. I kept saying: you know this is me? The scandalous and infamous me, right? My Minister reminded me that God Has ALREADY forgiven you, why can't YOU! So I accepted. Yesterday was the Deacon's retreat, there are about 12 of us. It was one of the best days ever. I was so relaxed and so at home and I could feel my spirit singing all day. And after Friday night's crash and burn, Saturday morning was the rainbow. I felt amazingly peaceful and purposeful.

I came home filled with joy. I thanked my estranged husband for taking care of the beanie beans, bid him farewell and took the children out for the remainder of the afternoon. We went to Target, the craft store and then to the bookstore. I was specifically looking for a new bible, the one I have is the one I was given in 1973 when I was baptized in the pentecostal church...yep I need a new bible. Now over the years I have been given bibles--like from college graduation--I went to a HBCU so that is standard practice...but I digress. I picked-up Anne Lamont Bird by Bird and The Message//Remix: Solo and a beautiful journal---I am always buying beautiful journals. I didn't find a bible. I've not talked about my faith specifically, it is very private to me. I am not a pentecostal member, have not been since I was a kid. I am a member of United Church of Christ...you know that very liberal church that Obama is a member of. I have been thinking of going to the Divinity school here. My neighbor is the Dean. I met with them well before I was elected to office and when I was elected I sort of put it away. Then while I was away serving my 29 day sentence, I thought of it again. But did nothing about it. There are a whole series of events that happened, bringing me closer to applying to the Divinity school...becoming a deacon is one such example. There are others. My whole life has been one burning bush after another. So I am listening to God's call and I guess God is like...FINALLY.

Oh and did I mention there were 2 dozen RED roses waiting for me on Saturday when I arrived home with a little I love you balloon! A kind and caring soul wanted me to know that I was loved and to keep my head up. Hey, if anybody is looking for me, I will be on cloud 9 all day!

Lindsay Patterson
BE WARNED

ALTHOUGH
YOU DO NOT LOVE
ME YET
EMOTION HAS
A STRANGE WAY OF
ENTERING THE
NERVOUS SYSTEM
AND CLUTCHING
THE HEART...
NOT VICIOUSLY
YOU UNDERSTAND
BUT VIOLENTLY.

SATURDAY MORNING MUSINGS AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #16

My estranged husband went out on a date last night to NYC to see the Color Purple. He has been dating for quite some time. He has gotten over me. To me it seems like overnight, but my "True Love" friends remind me that he left the marriage, well before he "left the marriage" So in essence he had a head start in getting past me. I am just getting used to the thought that he doesn't live here anymore. He is pursuing a new relationship. I cried more than I should have yesterday--breaking my own rule--that I posted months ago to stop all that damned crying...but I digress. NO! I do no want him back and NO! I do not want to reconcile. I just want to be where he is...over me. I want to be over me too.

So here is what I know: I have not lost a husband. I am not a widow. What is happening is the Universe IS making space for my new life. For my new dreams and my new love. I did not lose him, he left. And in leaving he has set in motion all the wonderful things that are just right outside my door. There are new adventures to be had, new relationships to grow and love to me made. My role is to be still, stay focused and keep an open heart. I get to choose who I want to be in all of this and of course I choose love and happiness...this is my year!

Sybil Kein
Flowers

When you make love
to me
I must confess,
your eyes are
April moist,
poetic.
With their lovely light,
they open my fingers
to catch the silence
of your sweet flesh.
Each time,
with each move,
we make a garden.

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: LOVE HANG-OVER AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #15

I was expecting to have a meltdown yesterday. I was planning for it. I was prepared for it. For the first time in my adult life I was not a part of a couple. I was not someone's love interest. No flowers from a lover. No intimate little gifts of affection. I was prepared for the blues to poke in. They did. They showed-up yesterday morning while I was in the shower lathering up with my favorite shower gel and all the the memories of showering with Him came rushing in. I did what any Warrior Queen would do, I beat them back. Turned up my MJB CD...Fine, Fine, Fine and I was. The day was lovely, lots of well wishing and phone calls and e-cards and flowers. All was well. Until about 10:00pm the blues crept back in and the thought of going to bed alone was overwhelming. I mean there was nothing to do but cry. And cry I did. A nice long soulful cry. Now there is a piece missing here--but it is rather private. Someone did reach out to me and shared their spirit with me. That was beyond comforting. They were not physically here, but here nonetheless. I am grateful for the long distance reach. So here I am feeling further along in my spiritual journey and feeling like the Warrior Queen that I am. There was a shift last night in the time space continuum. I see things in a different light. Morning has that power...the power of clarity and illumination of the dark places of the mind. I am boldly walking toward my destiny. I feel it. Love is in the everyday. It is the doing and the being and the divinity. That is the real gift, walking in faith and knowing that love is sensual and intellectual and physical, spiritual, mental and all emcompassing. My goal is to accept my broken pieces along with the whole pieces and allow God to do the heavy lifting. He is preparing my divine mate as I prepare my spirit to recieve. In the meantime...the work continues.

Cicely Rodway
For a New love

Love has come
Unexpectedly
And truth filled:

It has torn open
Closed places
That no longer
Need hiding places
Now that love has come
Unrushed
Building gentle joy
Wisps in new places.
And in new spaces
It was worth
Waking for.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE LOVE...HANDS DOWN AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #13

In my earlier posts when I was overwhelmed with a broken heart as my husband unexpectedly announced He was leaving our marriage. I had an epiphany and realized then as I do now, THERE IS NO CONVINCING IN LOVE. And to that I add, there is no auditioning for love. There is only Love or Fear. You have to choose love. You have to choose love with all your being. You have to stand up for love. Accept no imitations. If you are afraid, then you are not ready. If you are hesitant, then you are not ready. If you accept mistreatment disguised as "all part of" then you are not ready.

God already loves you. God already accepts you. God already has your back. All you have to do is reach with arms wide open and let your heart not be troubled. If it hurts, it ain't love. If it is not joyous, it ain't love. If it is ambigious, it ain't love. If it is not truthful, it ain't love. We cannot make love into something we know in our hearts it is not. Love's definition is clear...it is We who are not.

1 Corinthians 13

13:1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
13:2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
13:3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
13:4 Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;
13:5 it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
13:6 it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
13:8 Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
13:9 For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect;
13:10 but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away.
13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.
13:13 So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: COUNT DOWN TO VALENTINE'S DAY AND LOVE & PASSION POEM #12

I am waiting for my Sister-friends to arrive for our Tuesday luncheon. I have time to post today in between their arrival because it is not my turn to cook. I love and need these Tuesdays. They get me through the rest of the week with gusto. I love to entertain, I love company and I love well prepared food. It is a little slice of decadence that we all relish.

As I stated at the begining of February, I love Valentine's Day. I love the notion of a day committed to all things love. Yes, I know every day ought to be filled with love and it is, but February 14th, well, that is the capstone for all things love. I am a hopeless romantic. I own it. I am shameless in my faith in love and happiness. I have seen too much, experienced too much and have decided that love and happiness suits me. I am not some silly empty headed school girl. I am standing in the Grown Woman Space with my heart on my sleeve. I do not want to be cautious and afraid of love. I do not want to be shy or guarded. I want to be falling down drunk with love. I have known what its like to be without love and I can't go back to that...EVER! So this is my favorite time of the year. I am thinking about what I want to do in celebration and getting my home in order to welcome in the love of the day. It will start with lots and lots and lots of flowers. The doorbell will start ringing tomorrow with deliveries from good friends and old loves from around the globe. My friends always race to send me flowers because they know that my pleasures are simple; cut flowers bring me joy. And they know that last year was tough and they want to send their love. The cards have already begun arriving from far and wide. I mail out mine today, or perhaps tomorrow if I can't get by this damned approaching snow storm...but I digress.

So I am counting down the days till February 14th. There will be my favorite bottle of champagne, there will be my favorite dairy-free chocolates, there will be strawberries and Lizz Wright cds. I will have a candle light dinner with my beautiful children and we will recite love poems and dance. Off to bed with them and it will be me and the remains of the day. I will sit in solitude ushering out the wonderful day. I will end the day as I began it...in love. And yes, there is always room for the unexpected surprises and unexpected pleasures.

Henry Dumas
Love Song

Beloved
I have to adore the earth:

The wind must have heard
your voice once.
It echoes and sings like you.

The soil must have tasted
you once.
It is laden with your scent.

The trees honor you
in gold
and blush when you pass.

I know why the north country
is frozen.
It has been trying to preserve
your memory.

I know why the desert
burns with fever.
It has wept too long without you.

On hands and knees,
the ocean begs up the beach,
and falls at your feet.

I have to adore
the mirror of the earth.
You have taught her well
how to be beautiful.