Back At It: Health Priority One

Eat Clean. Move the body. Eat Clean. Move the body.

Get proper rest. Get proper rest. Get proper rest.

Make time for quiet. Make time for quiet. Make time for quiet.

Read. Read. Read. Read. I have committed to 52 books for 2015. Ambitious. Yes.

Write. Blog. Memoir. Write. Blog Memoir.

Invite love. Invite love. Invite love. Invite love.

This is what is driving me for 2015 for my health. Both physical and mental.

Being and getting fit is the priority. That's it.

Dear Me...A Letter To My Current Self

Dear Me,

Why are you giving up on getting the body and life you want. Look, when you don't work hard, what you are really saying is YOU CAN'T achieve what you want.

Why are you half ass working out? Why are you half ass with your diet? Why are you being half ass with everything?

You made peace with the weight, with the messes and mistakes and loses and failure. Gurl you need to get angry and make some noise. Peace isn't about allowing bullshit to continue. Peace isn't about going along to get along. Peace ain't about not trying. Peace is not making excuses. Peace is deliberate, honest and ongoing truth telling.

What the fuck are you doing? And why are you just dying on the vine? Yeah, I see you taking some big steps and great leaps of faith... but hear me IT AIN'T ENOUGH! You gotta DO MORE!

You're not all the way committed. You are hedging your bets. You are still letting fear dictate your movements. Stop talking. Start grinding. Stop talking. Start running. Stop talking. Start doing the things that will bring you to your dream life. Do the things that will bring you your dream body. Stop talking. Start listening to the wind as you run on.

Go get your blessings. Run farther. Run harder. RUN! The weight will leave when it knows it is no longer wanted or needed. Act like you don't have another year. Act like all you have is this moment to make this shit count. You are too damn heavy. You are carrying too much weight. Let it go. Let it fall away. Push it.

I love you, but you gotta let me love you so more. You will be fine. Look how far you have come. Look what you have created. Look what you have come through. There's more to get and have and be. There's more. You are a living message to the world and you are in the way carrying this weight.

Dearest Me, your beauty lights the world. Your smile is radiant and takes my breath away. You is a fine woman. Smart. Strong. Witty. Sharp. Kind. Loving. Put your whole self into this fight and win! You are a WINNER!

Run Because...

Last Few Days I was Feeling Very Jabba-The-Hut....

Fuck the scale.

For the next 30 days I am leaving the scale alone.  I have given it too much power.  I have given it too much control.  It has become the thing I worship.  Once I step on the scale, my mood for the day is determined.

Fuck the scale.

I know better than to turn my mind over to my fears.  I know better than to fall into the seductive trap of the whispers that tell me I am not good enough...I can't lose this weight, I can't fit that size.  I am wretched.

Fuck the scale.

I am turning off the noise. Tuning out the whispers and freeing myself. I have to leave some things on the floor.  I gotta turn my back on some habits that aren't serving me.  I have to embrace more of my beauty and leave the negativity way behind.

Fuck the scale.

My fight ain't with the scale. My fight is with my inner demons.  My inner negative talk. I am rising above this mess and pressing on. Thriving forward!

Fuck you scale... I may see you in 30 days or I may just kick you to the curb permanently.

FROSTY 5K... I DID IT! 1/1/13 HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Running Towards My Life...Checking My Bullshit

I said I hated running, because I thought I couldn't run.  And when I started to run...and stayed with it, I still wouldn't allow myself to love it.  I was so afraid that I wouldn't be any good at it, or that I was too heavy. I kept saying out loud I hate this, I really hate this, to cover myself when I quit.  You see as long as I kept saying it aloud, then when I do quit those around me would see my point and be in agreement and not challenge my bullshit.

The fear is always in being challenged on my bullshit.  The bullshit is the excuse I use or give that keeps me from whatever I say it is I want, be it running, artistic pursuits, writing a book and falling and being in love.

Running is a right-in-my face-dare-me-to-quit-a-dream-effort.  I have always wanted to be a runner, but didn't dare allow myself the chance to do it.  Oh I tried many years ago and quit. I quit because I had no plan, no goal and no direction to it.  Running is giving me a new way to see my life.  I have accomplished a great deal of things, but I can see where I have quit things and people before I gave them a chance.  I can see the fear.  The thinking was let me give up, before it, they or them quit me.

Bullshit has its own energy, and if not checked will become the way in which decisions in your life will be made.  I see it in mine.

Running is giving me a great gift.  I am seeing my life with new eyes.  The places where I thought I couldn't, running is showing me I can.  This is more than possibility thinking, this is I CAN DO thinking!  I am no stranger to this. The  challenge lies in my intimate self, the deep places that no one sees or has access to.  It is time to give access to the deepest reaches of my heart and mind and soul.  The richness of my life isn't on the surface.  The deep scary places of my soul is where the treasure is.  I have been so afraid to go there my entire life. Now I am running there and there is nothing for me to do but to keep running towards my life. I am checking my bullshit upfront. I am checking my bullshit first.  

The Fear dragon is a formidable foe and God has given me all the tools I need to defeat the fears that seemingly chase me. I am changing directions and running on toward victory!

I Run The Day....Starting Tomorrow!

God. My Breath. And the Sky

I am not fast. I am not concerned with how far I go.  I focus on one step-at-a-time. I work to connect my breath to my thoughts. I seek rhythm. 

I Just finished week 3 of training for the 5k. Saturday starts week 4.  It is mind-blowing that I have been training for a 5k.  I do not love or like running.  What I do like is the sense of accomplishment of getting it done.  This morning I was so relaxed and so ready.  I was not concerned about it being hard.  I ran without my usual music pumping.  I just wanted to be in the moment with God, my breath and the sky.  This is sacred.  This is sacred and I am understanding that.  It is more surrendering than running; God is directing and I am moving at the command of the wind.

The sound of my breath is the prayer. 

I am progressing.

BABZ ON THE RUN!

My first pair of REAL running sneakers! I went and got  measured and had a great conversation with the guy who sold them to me. I went to my local Trailblazers.  I like that store very much, they made me feel so comfortable.  I initially went to DSW but I was overwhelmed with the shoe selection and didn't want to choose a shoe that wasn't right for what I was about to do.  Anyway I got the  Brooks Adrenaline GTS 12.

And thanks Big Mark for the running advice and the sneaker advice. I did spend over $75 and I am glad I went for quality!

 

Tomorrow is W2D1 (week two, day one) .  There is no thinking only running!