I Saw A Photo Of A Man So Fine....

I am winning at my life and man it feels good. The tides of fortune have turned in my favor and baby I am lapping it up!

I saw a picture of the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. He is an artist... poet... world renown photographer. He does not know me, nor I him. Our paths keep crossing on the world wide web.  But if there was ever anyone close to my ideal it would be him. Decisive, soft, a fine eye for fine things and real connection to God. A renaissance man... oh how I love renaissance men.  Brothers who walk the world sure... bold and always in love. And get this, he lives in NOLA. The place my heart longs for. The place that was made for a woman like me... mysterious, sultry, friendly and oh oh oh so sexy. I love the fantasy of him. I love the reality of him. I like that such a man of my dreams exists. No I do not plan to pursue him. It is not about him. This is about the kind of man my heart and soul connects to. His words captured me and I know that mediocre...indecisive men won't do ever again. EVER.

That is the lesson, to seek and be open to men and people who speak to your heart and soul. To leave folks who are a mess alone. I am not a mess. I do not have to invite foolishness into my space. I get it.

Finding the photo of the very beautiful artist and having his words and photographs find me is not about him at all. It's about me turning a corner and stepping into the desires of my heart. I may never meet the beautiful artist whose eyes haunt me and whose words lift me to another realm of consciousness... Yes I've have been fucking him in my mind since the moment I saw him... but that's my fantasy. And really even my fantasy of his sexiness is small in comparison to his aura... that is felt even from this distance and without introduction. This is not about sex solely... this is desire for all that he represents...art, community, God, beauty of Black people and love of self. I see it for myself... all that excites me, moves me. Few have done that for me... and really it has been decades since this part of myself has been aroused by art and the artist. I like it. There is a deep untapped artist within and I think he calls it forth in some way. I suspect he has that affect on all who see him and experience him.

I say all this to say, that in my happiness state of being, I am not thirsty. I can drink freely and effortlessly from the well of life. I am walking the world a very happy, freed woman. I am rediscovering the kind of man I have yet to happen upon; this Brother reminds me and makes very hopeful that what I seek is seeking me.

TAURUS AND TAURUS RISING

I found this, this morning. It has stopped me COLD. God is speaking to me... this is the message. This is where I have been going. All of this is what I have been doing. This is everything of the moment. Path Illuming.

Taurus & Taurus Rising

We teach other people how to treat us. We teach other people what our worth is. We teach other people what our value is. We teach other people how to value us. We teach other people how to devalue us. We teach other people how to misuse or abuse us. And we teach other people when we are finished learning those lessons

We teach what we most need to learn. We master what we learn to teach. 

I encourage you to take some time this Tuesday to recognize the ways in which you have grown in this area of life. The past couple of years could have felt a little demolishing to your self-esteem in the realm of relationships. But all the cosmos was really trying to get you to do was stand up for yourself, harness your ability to treat yourself with respect and then to act that out in your intimate affairs. These lessons are now coming to a close so make sure you turn your homework in before too late.

But time has yet to run out. Whatever ground you have covered in terms of these lessons is valuable. In fact it’s extremely important that you don’t devalue what you’ve done because it wasn’t enough in your estimation. 

Saturday’s new moon occurs in your Eighth House of wow, I didn’t realize I was so obsessed with [insert name here]. It’s also the house of wow, I’m not going to live forever and the house of wow, I really lose a lot of power when I allow my fears to control my life. It’s a good weekend to acknowledge some of those beasts. It’s a good weekend to break the habits that bind you to superstition, delusions and irrational reactions to an apparent loss of power. 

- See more at: http://www.chaninicholas.com/new-moon-sagittarius-horoscopes-hopeful/#sthash.spwA8aWk.dpuf

The Ever Illuminating Path...Yes Zora More Answers This Year

I was over at my blog Brother Mark's blog Stars Like Grains Of Sand In My Pocket 

This is massive truth telling right here. A kind of realization that hurts... at least it does for me. I could have written this. 

It is my truth also:

Looking back over the past decade-and-a-half (?!?!) of my intimate personal relationships, the thread that runs through all the fail is the investiture of the emotions that make a relationship work. Love depends not on what you are willing to get, but instead is determined on what you are willing to give, which is everything. And I have no problem with saying that the women I have been involved with all had this one trait in common to be IN love. 

Yes. I responded:

Love is all about the give. I think that's the thing that scares people... taking the bet on giving...and deep inside believing what if he/she doesn't give back. That's where the fear lives... the hesitation...doubt.  So folks keep putting their eggs in the same basket hoping the other person doesn't crack them all. And they do.

I do know we attract what we are...not what we want. I find that sobering. As I stand in that truth, I have decided not to actively seek anyone. Who I am at the moment is pretty good, but it's not optimum. So rather that suffering through more of less. I am putting all that energy...both sexual, and romantic and whatever else into doing all the things that make me happy. Love is always present. I am loved beyond measure.

So this all means that I am on the right track... on the ever illuminating path. I am not going to spend any more time trying to add someone to my life. That is a time waster. And honestly I haven't been good at it. So I quit. Not giving up on love. Giving up on chasing unrequited love and all the bullshit of the emotional roller coaster.  The man that digs me, is interested in me, aches for me, will come for me without a story of woe, or demons, or excuses, or whatever else I have tolerated and allowed.  I am a whole woman. I need someone to show up whole... intact... broken pieces gathered and mending.

In the meantime my life is amazingly good. Not perfect... ain't nobody got time for perfection. I am however happy and the unfolding of things is sweet!