tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46508459110792003432024-03-05T01:19:18.445-05:00Lovebabz: A Life in TransitionAn Extraordinary Life Examined.
Notes and views on being an EX-Wife, Mother, Felon and Citizen of the world. This is my personal journey of how I am moving forward with grace and tenderness.Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.comBlogger1149125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-53996017564193763252018-12-14T18:59:00.001-05:002018-12-14T18:59:08.960-05:00Nancy Wilson - That's What I Want For Christmas (Capitol Records 1963)<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vJPmhKwMBD8" width="480"></iframe>Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-19246458876074491312018-08-11T11:20:00.000-04:002018-08-11T11:20:30.251-04:00At Home In the Words I write...I've missed BloggingThese days of Summer are sweet and fleeting. I've been away too long. Away from this blog. This holy place where I live on the words I conjure.<br />
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So much goodness and chaos still surrounds me. I am happy about this... There is more goodness than chaos. Finally.<br />
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I am working on goals without reservation and without stop gaps. Some things still cause me grief and some things bring me great joy. I own it all with a grateul heart. I remain acutely aware of the passing of time. Running out of time hangs on the periphery. No, I am not consumed by the passing of time. However there is a sense of urgency still. I want to hurry and do all the things.<br />
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I saw the great Freddy Cole the other night in concert... He sang I'll always leave the door a little open. Sublime. I can't stop singing it. It feels like where I am these days. He sings it in homage to Lena Horne, his favorite singer. She sings it hauntingly and beautifully. For me its not about the things of regret, or the foolishness of things hung onto too long. It just speaks to possibilities. That's it.<br />
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<iframe allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/erhLjFGe4Q0" width="560"></iframe>Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-82364122294263706742018-04-20T18:55:00.000-04:002018-04-20T18:55:01.829-04:00Clearing my path while I am alive.I have been thinking about my things after my death...What would happen to them? Could my children handle the getting rid of my things? I don't think I want them to do that. I want to do it while I am fully alive.<br />
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I want to live with less. I want a smaller space. I want only the things that bring me absolute pleasure and joy. I want to live lighter. I want to think and feel lighter. I'd like to try on minimalism... Or something close to it.<br />
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Lighter in many things. I signed up for adult swim. Golf lessons. Possibly tennis and perhaps will set up a basketball meet-up for old birds like myself who may have a little hoop dust left. And tennis with the unboyfriend.<br />
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Back to sorting and getting rid of things that I have collected over the years. Things that have long since lost their value to me. Getting rid of things that have seen better days. Getting rid of things that belonged to folks no longer in my circle and will never be again.<br />
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I feel like I am shedding my past and preparing for a future I never knew I wanted. I am aging and the world looks different. I want to be different in it. My children are becoming who they are and I must become who I am becoming.<br />
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Some of this is clutter. Some of it is here because it never got discarded. And some of it was quite comforting to have around. All of these truths have to be worked through and then abandoned.<br />
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I am turning 55 on May 2. I swear I feel differently. I can feel a sense of freedom just over the horizon. I feel my best days are ahead. Lighter days and uncluttered days are seeking to be my reality.<br />
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So this life is transitioning again. I am here for it!<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-60055946315397386202018-03-14T18:20:00.000-04:002018-03-14T18:20:47.820-04:00It's Still Lent? (My Lenten Journey 2018 such that it is)I knew I wasn't going to march into Lent with a plan. I am spiritually tired of the politics of the day. What does this mean? I am known for keeping a spiritual center and at the moment I am out of spiritual sorts. Actually, I am good and damn mad and I don't know how to make space for my anger and God. Oh, I know God can handle my anger. God is bigger than my imagination and anger.<br />
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This anger is twisted up with a whole lot of things that need to be unraveled. Children, money, health, lovers, community, and work. The politics of the day has upturned the apple cart and as I go to pick up the apples, I find there are oranges, and lemons and bananas and melons all spilled out. So I stand there lamenting the mess.<br />
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This is the state of my spiritual wellbeing. Looking at God with all this mess spilled out. How many times can I keep picking up my stuff off the ground? Weariness. Anger. Gawd, it's still Lent, compounding my angst. Like now, I didn't even want to write a post about lamenting Lent. Which isn't really about lamenting Lent...Just my current spiritual desert that is happening in the season of Lent. <br />
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What to do? Asking what to do is a good sign for me... Denotes hope! There is still a spiritual mustard seed within.<br />
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Now to find my spiritual joy.<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-70359066006011209192018-01-22T17:51:00.000-05:002018-01-22T17:51:00.293-05:00A Woman of Many UmbrellasI am indeed a woman of many umbrellas. This has been so, as far back as I can remember. I've never done just "one" thing. I always had my hands and feet in this, that or the other. I am curious by nature. I learn by doing. I love by doing.<br />
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I used to be harsh on myself... Why can't I just excel at one thing. Why did I have so many interests. Didn't I just want to perfect one set of skills? Never! I could never just be about one thing. I was always peeking around corners and underneath a stairwell. If there was some new thing calling my heart, I'd run like the devil to it and throw myself into until I got what I wanted and then on to the next thing.<br />
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I can cook. I can write. I can sing. I dance. I create. I've made a living doing all manner of things big and small. Here I am on the verge of turning 55! I don't seem to be slowing down. I actually feel like I must rush full speed ahead. Not in a frenzied way, but deliberate and wide open. Maturity gifts you with a different sense of urgency. I have a clarity that serves me...I heed my intuition.<br />
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I find myself these days, full. Doing work and projects that push my creative juices to the absolute living end and I love it. It's raining projects, and social interactions and love. Up goes the umbrellas, not to ward off all this joy but to catch it!<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-61983031856152059732018-01-08T16:47:00.002-05:002018-01-08T16:47:36.427-05:00What am I willing to Do For Myself?<h3 class="graf graf--h3" name="2934">
Or, why the fuck am I not taking better care of myself?</h3>
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I am in that category of “a woman of a certain age”… Hell, I am 54. I turn 55 May 2, 2018. I love my birthday. Those in my circle all around the world know how much I love my birthday. So, you would think I would be in the best of health, seeing how I love living another year and celebrating such every year.</div>
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It’s as if I am oblivious to the fact that I am human and need tending to. I am not the focus of myself. This is not a new lament. It shows up as weight loss efforts. It shows up as “I gotta get more sleep” because I only get about 4 hours a night. It shows up in managing high blood pressure and all the other “what ails me” shit.</div>
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I know what needs to be done. I am not at a loss for information and support and, Gawd, more information. I don’t seem to be able to “self-help” myself into any consistency or discipline. Why can't I just focus and press through? Why is this so fucking hard.</div>
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I've blogged about this over the years... My blog archives are filled with posts about motivation, dedication, moving as I see fit. Here I am back to being stuck. Maybe some of this is New Year pressure. Some it could be self-worth shit rearing up again.</div>
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I may be mixing two very different things into one bowl. What does taking care of myself really mean? And would I recognize the efforts? What is good health for me? Maybe I have too many unrealistic health goals that have nothing to do with health. I gotta think about this from a different perspective. In the meantime, I'll make a plan.</div>
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I'll keep you posted.</div>
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Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-42235735836196806782018-01-03T21:38:00.002-05:002018-01-03T21:38:41.864-05:00All The Good and MoreHappy New Year! I made it! Hahaha! I am not surprised. 2017 was the most fun I've had in decades!<br />
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Last year it kicked off with the building of a Squad (Sorors Michelle and Markeshia) and from there we rolled everywhere. Three women... Sorors, up for adventures where the days took us. From a lavender farm, sunflower farm, birthday party in NYC, a vegan chocolatier and a reset in Jamaica. I rolled far and wide. Oh, and cigars and Scotch and more cigars and live music and wine, wine, wine.<br />
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2018 will not disappoint. So far it hasn't! I did the Polar Plunge for Parks... I jumped into the Long Island Sound on New Year's Day! It was 7 degrees outside. Below freezing in the Sound. Yeah. I did that crazy shit. Setting the tone for the new year. Jumped into my fears and walked the hell out victoriously!<br />
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There is so much I wanted to do in this life and I feel like now is the time to launch all the dream projects. All my hopes and dreams are so intimately connected that everything feels and moves seamlessly. A fluidity I am in command of.<br />
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<a href="https://medium.com/@BabzLove/i-have-only-two-resolutions-and-i-am-not-going-to-share-them-422656c69ea5">I have two resolutions.</a>..I have no intentions of sharing them or speaking about them. This is the year of execution. ACTION! I wrote about the not telling of the resolutions over at my <a href="https://medium.com/@BabzLove/i-have-only-two-resolutions-and-i-am-not-going-to-share-them-422656c69ea5">Medium</a> site. Yes, I've been hanging out over there talking about relationships. Anyway, in the words of that great prophet The Godfather of Soul James Brown "Watch me! I got soul and I'm super bad". I do indeed feel all of that!<br />
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Happy 2018. So much behind me and so much ahead. I am in the here and now doing my dreams.<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-44155014605145245482017-12-03T20:13:00.001-05:002017-12-03T20:13:05.861-05:00Season of Advent Day 1... Season of Hope and ExpectationI am a woman for Christmas. I am in love with the story of the birth of Christ... The lone star, the Wise men, no room at the inn and a mother waiting with hope and prayers.<br />
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What are you waiting for? What is it that would bring you joy? Are you where you want to be? Who's with you? Who has your back? Name your Squad.<br />
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This time of year is more than pregnant with glad tidings. Folks are suffering. Many suffering alone. I know this, I have been this. I have sat alone with goodbye letters addressed and stamped. I have sat with loaded gun and tears. I have sat with pills in a bowl ready to swallow. How do we help ourselves and each other? How do we get to the next day. How do we hold onto a hope that feels like sand slipping through our fingers?<br />
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What lessons can Advent tell us? Give us? There is power in waiting and anticipating. What am I giving birth to in my life? Am I using my talents for good? Am I lamenting unnecessarily in my own bullshit? I have in the past. Who am I today? And what do I know now?<br />
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These are sweet days of anticipation for me. I am standing in a good place. No, all the challenges I am facing are still very present. What has changed, is my reaction to them. Let the chips fall where they may... I've done all I could do. I am doing what I can to champion myself above the fray of losing in this world. Happiness and joy can and does exist in between the margins of lack, loss and despair.<br />
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This season of Advent calls us as Christians to the season of hope and expectation. This delights me, and gives me pause for good things ahead. Not for fairy tale endings... But for fortitude and strength to press on with the belief that God is with us always. And always we are God's beloved.<br />
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Let us explore this season of Advent with great expection and hope. Let's see where goodwill and love will take us.<br />
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Amen.<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-44353586702443820832017-10-29T14:54:00.005-04:002017-10-29T14:54:50.153-04:0010 Years Ago... The Return Of Babz10 years ago today I was released from Danbury Federal Prison Camp. My SisterLo blogged the month for me while I was serving my time. My children, Briana was 10, Gregory was 9, Khalil was 6 and Margeaux was 5 years old. They were so young and brave. I still get teary just remmbering the day I came home and how Margeaux jumped out of the car and ran crying into my arms. She missed me... They all missed me and I truly missed them!<br />
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Here is the post my SisterLo wrote in anticpation of my return:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/return-of-babz.html">The Return Of Babz</a></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI4i9xVtIC1WaYebnvmBRfqvlo9B-aYqvO9k7c45JQAFUtIVr4_7h7391eBZefOrKzaUVtbFUwL-fqoRX_nPkBZVgilzvz3x31CgK9DrASznXirDnm164i_5koDlzBPYFdFd2Djq-XMpg/s1600/4d4d6fee1b75fd6bd75c8cfd2792a278.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="280" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI4i9xVtIC1WaYebnvmBRfqvlo9B-aYqvO9k7c45JQAFUtIVr4_7h7391eBZefOrKzaUVtbFUwL-fqoRX_nPkBZVgilzvz3x31CgK9DrASznXirDnm164i_5koDlzBPYFdFd2Djq-XMpg/s400/4d4d6fee1b75fd6bd75c8cfd2792a278.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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Thank you SisterLo for hgolding down this blog 10 years ago!<br />
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All of this is squarely behind me. There will be no more rememberences of this time. No more blog posts, no more marking the anniversary (Okay maybe at the 20 year point). But from here on out, I remain free and happy! Thank you all for coming along on this journey.Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-41223440309905017522017-10-28T18:58:00.002-04:002017-10-28T18:58:39.976-04:00Ten Years Ago... Faith Forward Firday (Saturday): Holler If You Hear Me...This was for yesterday 10/27/17<br />
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10 years ago my SisterLo blogged in my stead while I was away serving 30 days at Danbury Federal Prsion Camp.<br />
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I found this post quite interesting. My SisterLo never took to church the way I have. So this post is extraordinary.<br />
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Here is the link:<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/faith-forward-friday-saturday-holler-if.html">Faith Forw</a></span></b><b><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/faith-forward-friday-saturday-holler-if.html">ard Friday (Saturday): Holler If You Hear Me...</a></span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimpRORuj58dg64kw80jeuYFkNak4mxKtF7qO0-gIcL_aOx8jKa_BnRwYTVRgnAHl3YyV4fhd8V75sd5OBEYR6rBjQGwmmgDl_09JQBEapVHArQR6C7sxktbbMJDa3JAxWxq51sO15hmpU/s1600/Thessalonians+5+11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="201" data-original-width="251" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimpRORuj58dg64kw80jeuYFkNak4mxKtF7qO0-gIcL_aOx8jKa_BnRwYTVRgnAHl3YyV4fhd8V75sd5OBEYR6rBjQGwmmgDl_09JQBEapVHArQR6C7sxktbbMJDa3JAxWxq51sO15hmpU/s400/Thessalonians+5+11.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-81873240490525310982017-10-25T21:04:00.001-04:002017-10-25T21:05:24.403-04:0010 Years Ago... Opportunity Knocked And Broke Down My DoorOn this day 10 years ago my SisterLo blogged in my stead while I was away serving time at the Danbury Federal Prison Camp.<br />
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I found her posts to be not only personal, but quite insightful and they certainly stand the test of time.<br />
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Here is the link to that 10/25/2007 post:<br />
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<a href="https://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/opportunity-knocked-and-broke-down-my.html"><span style="font-size: large;">Opportunity Knocked And Broke Down My Door...</span></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYP0gNKFjsjeBrO_bmkAZ78J5-MYRFlv2sCvH5m5IpgEKDk2YDoa-aSTPIdi2yOMWJhnA0GxdctYouyOI4bbDmg6tr9q6AVF9juMdtPSGPtnhQaCGz2iawLwNBpJLyVBWjuFhsnTy3NiE/s1600/1240658_462006593927952_664769754_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="463" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYP0gNKFjsjeBrO_bmkAZ78J5-MYRFlv2sCvH5m5IpgEKDk2YDoa-aSTPIdi2yOMWJhnA0GxdctYouyOI4bbDmg6tr9q6AVF9juMdtPSGPtnhQaCGz2iawLwNBpJLyVBWjuFhsnTy3NiE/s400/1240658_462006593927952_664769754_n.jpg" width="370" /></a></div>
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-91357143409412501372017-10-22T12:18:00.000-04:002017-10-22T12:18:51.778-04:0010 Years Ago Today...Rambling Thoughts About... Road Rage?I remain very grateful that my SisterLo blogged for me while I was away serving 30 day (29 days) at Danbury Federal Prison Camp.<br />
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On this day 10 years ago, she blogged what was in her head...<br />
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Here's the link:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/rambling-thoughts-about-road-rage.html">Rambling Thoughts About... Road Rage?</a></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguQlTFerzHRQmr3bVUa9S2Gl1gN91xDyRSxRIP6h7QUAsYWQteXyoTdkUijVzf940Tx_uCm1ey7jgiMisDvoFlb37OAj_49R82d4woTG11Fh2pTlMwXoMAZVAuFAt6Nig9SvVIFu9JscQ/s1600/1014377_10151811105163707_2121823675_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="530" data-original-width="530" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguQlTFerzHRQmr3bVUa9S2Gl1gN91xDyRSxRIP6h7QUAsYWQteXyoTdkUijVzf940Tx_uCm1ey7jgiMisDvoFlb37OAj_49R82d4woTG11Fh2pTlMwXoMAZVAuFAt6Nig9SvVIFu9JscQ/s400/1014377_10151811105163707_2121823675_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-44954244005929779312017-10-16T19:18:00.001-04:002017-10-17T13:30:36.460-04:0010 years ago Today... True Love Tuesday: Love Money Can Buy<span style="font-size: large;">10 years ago my SisterLo held down this blog while I served time at the Danbury Federal Prison Camp. Today is October 16 and this is what she posted 10 years ago. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Click on the link:</span><br />
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<a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/true-love-tuesday-love-money-can-buy.html"><span style="font-size: large;">True Love Tuesday: Love Money Can Buy</span></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCeyqDsBasB8mNo7pIu3aEI-MoOO5_H18B4k5krAnFnXyKQ_RCAmUJI4HVWpOmlJv3h-Q1tQ2p8MwuLrrqUxIXbUNCXl1dWyBMy5paQHLmS_lpkCUxpksJCNq9mCUHUA_46gB_Xlze_sk/s1600/No+Plan+B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCeyqDsBasB8mNo7pIu3aEI-MoOO5_H18B4k5krAnFnXyKQ_RCAmUJI4HVWpOmlJv3h-Q1tQ2p8MwuLrrqUxIXbUNCXl1dWyBMy5paQHLmS_lpkCUxpksJCNq9mCUHUA_46gB_Xlze_sk/s400/No+Plan+B.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-52705388071072393802017-10-12T23:59:00.003-04:002017-10-13T00:10:31.562-04:0010 Years Ago.... Faith Forward Friday: Ask and Ye Shall Recieve... To a PointThe October 12, 2007 Post by my SisterLo while I was away serving time at Dambury Federal Prison Camp.<br />
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Sustatinable weath... Blessings and other opportunities. I so love the way my Sister writes!<br />
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<a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/faith-forward-friday-ask-and-ye-shall.html">Faith Forward Friday: Ask and Ye shall Recieve... To a point. </a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs8v7nMVFM_JRLZYCWYZzlqFttfGRKTZ8qQ6uXTmCX1g9qgTS9DaNbGcWtA676KkzkNNmqVOLlgacJItV6j69_XqgrqCNJ_VhDL5FjKfRhyBGBmlwK4LpgCov3vcSJKSxjAyhYblrqTqo/s1600/Thou+shall+get+her+own+money.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="306" data-original-width="306" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs8v7nMVFM_JRLZYCWYZzlqFttfGRKTZ8qQ6uXTmCX1g9qgTS9DaNbGcWtA676KkzkNNmqVOLlgacJItV6j69_XqgrqCNJ_VhDL5FjKfRhyBGBmlwK4LpgCov3vcSJKSxjAyhYblrqTqo/s400/Thou+shall+get+her+own+money.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-22679202404021182542017-10-09T12:01:00.000-04:002017-10-09T12:01:00.073-04:0010 Years Ago Today...True Love Tuesday: What Do You Want…Today?My SisterLo blogged all of October in my place while I was serving my time at Danbury Federal Prison Camp. In celebration and rememberence I am posting links to her posts on the very days she blogged!<br />
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This is the post 10 years ago today by her:<br />
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<b><a href="https://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/true-love-tuesday-what-do-you-wanttoday.html">True Love Tuesday: What Do You Want...Today?</a></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKua9t5sccQYqpmXkzo9XeKYqEYblysx-CLKM1SV6Jyy2Nv9ZAXcNC5XzjmKuoewb8qNGG3DzCZ2MPCEIAIZU7aEBTgw5sGwTrMRJCa0NM5unPfnzY-PAfZTdCj_Ue75_8adcyE-Zoc5k/s1600/531746_421404254567910_1359816438_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="294" data-original-width="294" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKua9t5sccQYqpmXkzo9XeKYqEYblysx-CLKM1SV6Jyy2Nv9ZAXcNC5XzjmKuoewb8qNGG3DzCZ2MPCEIAIZU7aEBTgw5sGwTrMRJCa0NM5unPfnzY-PAfZTdCj_Ue75_8adcyE-Zoc5k/s400/531746_421404254567910_1359816438_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-52262330977164956012017-10-05T19:26:00.001-04:002017-10-05T19:26:31.255-04:0010 Years ago Today... Faith Forward Friday: That's the Truth Ruth10 years ago I was tucked away at Danbury Federal Prison Camp... My Sister Lo blogged in my stead!<br />
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Here is October 5, 2007!<br />
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<a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/faith-forward-friday-thats-truth-ruth.html">Faith Forward Friday: That's the Truth Ruth</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMw3XUP3u6fuwJoGJIQ9U-DCarg5ljQ0gAHMSdybj-F3-xDU_Oal61soGB7AdnHdvQ0g_Pg3LiliKOcDA4JgaXDmenAkZgeKFiQ9AFUQdj1LZ8K-vtignXs54O8VByY1ILWRgWkQQ6ZXg/s1600/Oprah+truth+quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="664" data-original-width="427" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMw3XUP3u6fuwJoGJIQ9U-DCarg5ljQ0gAHMSdybj-F3-xDU_Oal61soGB7AdnHdvQ0g_Pg3LiliKOcDA4JgaXDmenAkZgeKFiQ9AFUQdj1LZ8K-vtignXs54O8VByY1ILWRgWkQQ6ZXg/s400/Oprah+truth+quote.jpg" width="256" /></a></div>
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-18656621943082684342017-10-04T20:33:00.002-04:002017-10-04T20:33:32.709-04:0010 Years ago Today... Sister Lo And True Love Tuesday ( really Thursday)While I was away serving my time... My Sister Lo held down this blog for 30 days! Even now I am still surprised and impressed with her commitment to doing it! I had a recurring theme for Tuesdays... True Love Tuesdays. She kept it up, choosing football! And let me tell you football at her house with her hubby is a real thing! Like don't call their house during football season! For real!<br />
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Here's Lo's post:<br />
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<a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/true-love-tuesday-on-thursday-are-you.html">True Love Tuesday (On a Thursday) Are You Ready For Some Football?</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVbm9S59yJgh8vrJVbgQ05bwPQXnrNvN7ELjFN4bGIYIsZzCYqw_ym6qhfZ0x7htu6JpiGMLjuOYE5_SGnJPLYdCSgr-VlRrYopBE9nSGY82a_U9IcciZr8cBsRrdqG3AGPmOkNl46QhQ/s1600/d90fb212e5492d2ed60f66ab187ff3ea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="636" data-original-width="475" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVbm9S59yJgh8vrJVbgQ05bwPQXnrNvN7ELjFN4bGIYIsZzCYqw_ym6qhfZ0x7htu6JpiGMLjuOYE5_SGnJPLYdCSgr-VlRrYopBE9nSGY82a_U9IcciZr8cBsRrdqG3AGPmOkNl46QhQ/s400/d90fb212e5492d2ed60f66ab187ff3ea.jpg" width="297" /></a></div>
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-1351696947663243002017-10-01T12:47:00.000-04:002017-10-03T10:07:26.456-04:0010 years ago today...10 years ago today, I surrendered to Danbury Prison Camp to serve a 30 day sentence. My Sister Lo blogged here in my stead. So, I decided to repost all her posts from that time! She's a very good writer/blogger!<br />
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Here is the link:<br />
<a href="http://lovebabz.blogspot.com/2007/10/what-hell-is-snarky.html">What the Hell is Snarky?</a><br />
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Happy Fall!<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-29711776774218501612017-09-25T20:58:00.000-04:002017-09-25T20:58:52.220-04:00These Summer Fall Days...I just grew into being resolved about not dating.<br />
Not stressing about children.<br />
Not worrying about what is next.<br />
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I am enjoying the sweet moments of now. Oh yes, there are long range plans and short term goals and changing course and new intentions and dream chasing.<br />
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Always dream chasing.<br />
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The aloneness is not vast and scary. It has a new definition... I can do what I want.<br />
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I am shedding shoulds and embracing maybes and yeses! Saying resolute no's when I feel like saying no. No second guessing and certainly no guilt. No is a complete sentence. And means the same in every language.<br />
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Everyday I ask...What is possible? And I set off running to find out.<br />
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The din of voices who are contrary to my dreams and wishes fall on my deaf ears. I can't hear them. I have a bigger voice and a stronger song. I am living loudly.<br />
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I used to listen to (hims, thems, theys, ya'lls) with a longing to be wanted... Configuring my heart and soul into their desired thing. Ha, how absurd was I? Atlas, I am so done with raking myself over the coals for my choices made in fear. Instead, I forgive myself and move on.<br />
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October is coming... For me, that loaded month of memory and new opportunities all rolled up with the crispness of the air signalling Fall.<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-38540831265449119972017-08-12T15:24:00.000-04:002017-08-14T23:16:08.114-04:00Where I've Been... Summer Joy and MoreAs I have gotten older I have come to LOVE Summer. The hot and hazy days, bare feet, sun dresses and getting blacker!<br />
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Going to Jamaica was my reset. Honest to Gawd! I spent a week in the Blue Mountains of Jamaica. Landed in Kingston, which to my sheer delight was Blackity-Black-Black! I travelled with women I adore and love to the nth degree. I needed Jamaica more than I realized. <a href="https://www.sistahsjammin.com/">Karaine Holness</a>, captain of my Glam Squad and proprietor of the swankiest hair salon in town, <a href="https://www.hairskaysalon.com/">HK</a>; is the founder of <a href="https://www.sistahsjammin.com/about-sistahs-jammin/">Sistahs Jammin</a>. Since 1999 she has been shepherding Sistahs to her homeland of Jamaica for much needed self care! I've been wanting to go for years and this year was my time!<br />
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Lawd, Black Jesus! Oh what a hair raising drive up the mountain. But once up there, you could clearly see God's magnificence. Lushness everywhere! Paradise. Seriously, paradise!<br />
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I slept better, I ate better, I dreamed better, I rested better, I was just better with each day.<br />
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Now I am back. Have been for a few weeks now. The effects of Jamaica are still in me. There is a new perspective on how I want to be in the world. Less stress and more ease. I am chasing peace in my spirit, in my life, in my deeds and actions. I really cannot tolerate people who come with chaos and drama. That includes children. That includes potential lovers. That includes friends.<br />
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As I move through this life I am defining what peace is. I am defining what peace looks like in my day-to-day being. I have come far and wide to this notion of peace and how I want it to show up in my life. Good friends who bring peace and understanding. Potential lovers who bring peace and acceptance and understanding. Children are a mixed bag, but they do not get a pass. They are being reoriented to my desire for peace. Soon they will be carving out places of peace in their own lives. And they will hopefully come to understand my desires and the choices I made for myself. Momming ain't easy!<br />
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Oh the challenges are still there. I am still on the front lines of battles and responsibilities and things needing my immediate attention. My reset has opened the door toward responding from a place of peace rather than anxiety and stress. Using anxiety and stress channeled in such a way that I am not hopeless, desperate and exhausted.<br />
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Time has always been at a premium and in excess. That is life. Enjoy what you can, plan where you can, deal with whatever shows up and stay in prayer about everything.<br />
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<a href="http://serendipityholisticresort.com/">Serendipity Holistic Spa Retreat</a><br />
<a href="http://serendipityholisticresort.com/">Jamaica </a><br />
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Markeshia, Dr. Jackie, Sharon! Kariane and me! A day at the beach down from the mountain!<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-66805709359853204242017-06-20T17:40:00.000-04:002017-06-20T17:40:45.676-04:00Control is the Illusion of Fools...Yes, I made this up. It's Really The Season Of My GoddessnessI control nothing. I have little control over very little. And to that end I surrender.<br />
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Ohhh It feels good to cool my brain with surrender. Surrender on all fronts. I remember a few years back I wrote a post on allowing. Allowing life to ebb and flow as it wants to. It's like being at the beach and taking sand into a clinched fist... Just open your hand and let the sand fall through your fingers. The sand doesn't change and I still get to enjoy it.<br />
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Surrender doesn't mean abandonment of effort, hustle or commitment. Surrender allows you to fight the battles that are worthy and noble. Discern what is petty and obstinate and back off. Sometimes you gotta just let the chips fall where they may and see what happens when the dust clears.<br />
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The fear lies in not knowing what will remain or show up once the dust settles. I have invited myself to allow the mystery of the unknown to become the making of the next adventure. I have done enough hand wrangling and worrying to last me several lifetimes. I am much more suited to surrender and allowing. I want ease... Directed and purposeful movement through my life. I want more peace and less "less".<br />
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I do believe this is the beginning of Summer. A carefreeness is showing up in my spirit. I cannot be fucked with by anybody... Not by banished-used-to-be-friends, not by toxic associates, or my kids.<br />
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I am surrendering to the what is and allowing the blessings to manifest into what positive energy shows itself to me. This is the Season of my Goddessness. Control is the illusion of fools and baby, mama ain't raised no fool!<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-53426996461507939362017-05-13T20:13:00.000-04:002017-05-13T20:13:07.394-04:00And I Shall Have Everything"I'd like you to do less"<br />
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And just as I heard this, it was like I walked through another door that has been waiting on me to come thru. I don't fully understand what "do less" means, and I have no intentions of finding out in my everyday practical life. And I certainly have no interest in exploring the thought further with questions. But what I can do is acquiesce to the request.<br />
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I do think the statement means less me..Which also means less love and less living. It means, my dreams can't be and should not be tied to the dreams of other folks who don't understand shared destiny. You are welcome to want less... Do less... Have less... I, however want more. And I get to define "more".<br />
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What I have been doing is dreaming of a life outside of my own for someone else. Isn't that what all lovers and mother's do? "I'd like you to do less" becomes it's own stop and go sign. A way to redirect some of my energies away from, and back toward something else. Isn't this how break-ups begin?<br />
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As I turn this little statement inward and begin deconstructing it for myself. I am reminded of what I know for sure... I am a woman in transition. I live with the understanding that situations are always changing. I am always changing. As I age, I welcome this understanding that my self worth does not rest in the smallness of others. I don't understand less, because I have never aspired to less.<br />
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The gift of less is a redirection of my attention and my heart toward matters that grow and expand me. <i>What looks like crazy on an ordinary day is simply not the entire truth. </i>I have come to realize I love my cart full. There is no one thing I want... I WANT EVERYTHING!<br />
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And I shall have everything!<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-14854934115447622222017-04-03T18:56:00.002-04:002017-04-03T18:56:44.213-04:00My Lenten Journey: Hello from the bottom of the well and other places dark and stormyFor a few weeks I have been living from the bottom of the well. Dark and cold and way way down.<br />
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Being at the bottom of the well is not a new experience... I've been here before. Been there before. Maybe I am feeling some kind of way because Spring hasn't fully arrived. Or all the upheaval change going on in my life. Or the gaping aloneness that is crippling and I can't seem to remedy. I just know I am in the thick of it during this contemplative Lenten season. Although I must say I don't feel very contemplative. I feel very hollow. Very much adrift. Not a new feeling. I've been adrift before. Yup.<br />
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What I know to do, is just keep moving forward. Even in the pitch blackness of any day... I just move forward... Move through... Move.<br />
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I take that to mean that love is still the only true revolution...Of self and country. I possess a great capacity for love; it is stunning the depths of it. The height of it and breadth of it. And yet, I am a woman not in love... Well, if you don't count being in love with the world.<br />
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I've been at this life a long time now, I am not easily broken. I do however get very tired, and in that tiredness I lose sight of God's grace. God is at the bottom of the well with me. I know this now, as I have known this before. Wherever I am, so is God... Expansive and grand and deliberate. How can I forget this? Well, when you are free falling backwards down the well, God is not the first thought believe it or not. It's not just the bottom of the well. It's an empty king-sized bed, or attending galas unattached, or activities on your own all the time. It is the end of a day and no one there to say hey, I did this... Or that... It is the kind of aloneness that feels like a crushing punishment. And You are acutely aware of time running past you. It's knowing that "happily-ever-after" is not for you.<br />
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Hello from the bottom of the well and other places dark and stormy... Where is the light?<br />
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I know where the light is. The light is brightest in the faces of my friends who tend to me. It is the sound of laughter from my children unaware of my pain. It is the work I do on behalf of (insert cause and or organization). I have to keep lighting the candle myself. I am responsible for the light inside of me. I am responsible for my life on earth in God's care.<br />
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Standing in the bottom of the well, all I have to do is look up. Just look up.<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-68141422079979966562017-03-07T23:15:00.001-05:002017-03-07T23:15:59.040-05:00Off The Lenten Path: God is Tired Of Me. I am Tired Of God.For the better part of my life I have enjoyed and struggled with a strong God consciousness. I have never felt alone or away from God. In my life I have endured and come through some dark moments with my faith still intact. I could feel God's presence. Always.<br />
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Today, I am quitting God. This aloneness and desolation is more than I can stand. I believe God has grown tired of me. My prayers are mumblings of things no longer believed. There is a tiredness in my spirit and in my soul that plagues me. I am unrecognizable in my prayers. My voice is unrecognizable in my prayers. I have been standing on sinking ground for a very long time... For years. Grasping and grappling with God's grace. Trying to move forward in the face of loss and heartbreak. No, I do not wish that others ought to suffer in my stead. I accept my suffering... I have brought the bulk of it on myself. I do not ask why me? I do not ask why not me? I have come to accept the suffering as a part of the joy.<br />
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I have been lost before and have found my way. I have been sad many times before and have put my feet upon the path leading back to God. Not this time. This time I just want to be left alone.<br />
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I am quitting God for so many reasons that I wouldn't live long enough to say. I am quitting God mostly because, God is tired of me. I know this. I feel this.<br />
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My life is full of things I need to do to sustain my commitment of raising children and maintain employment. That is all there is. There is work and work. Everything feels like a chore. Even the places of joy and happiness feel like chores. My breath feels like a chore. Even as I am sitting here grasping for the words to not feel so ungrateful for the life and the blessings I have enjoyed feels like a chore. Burdens that seem unending and relentless are suffocating my life.<br />
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I am screaming in my prayers. I am screaming in my conversations with people. I am screaming when I have to deal with one more avalanche of troubles. I am always screaming even when I am sitting and singing in church. I am screaming everytime I get on the scale. I am screaming every time I have to figure out what to do next. I am screaming nonstop and it is killing me.<br />
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I know I do not have the right to this kind of ungrateful purging. I feel ashamed with each letter I type. This is the truth I am standing in... Drowning in. I still marvel at the bigness of God. I am in awe of God in the big and small spaces everywhere I go. And I know my quitting God does not affect the sunrise or sunset anywhere in the world.<br />
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God is tired of me. I am tired of God.<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4650845911079200343.post-15651150721657350932017-03-01T08:32:00.001-05:002017-03-01T21:25:03.528-05:00My Lenten Journey: I am the Big Space of GodI was struggling with whether or not I should even "do Lent" this year. My mood was such that I just didn't feel holy, or sacred or divine. The world just seems crazy and I seem crazy in it. My attitude was piss poor and I was feeling quite desolate. More than just tired and annoyed and grumpy. Truly desolate. Wondering if this was indeed my dark night of my soul. My minister read my last blog post and invited me to not miss last Sunday's sermon. So I didn't miss it. My mind got back "stayed on Jesus" But in the days after that I begin to feel my whole self in all spaces I was in.<br />
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I have been struggling with weight for a while now. Hate. Acceptance. Hate. Acceptance. Hate. Diet. New Diet. Yet another diet. I know better. But I got to thinking about my bigness. Not just in size, but in the scope of how I am in the world. I take up a lot of space...Physically and energetically. My presence is known whenever and wherever I show up anywhere. I am seen and heard.<br />
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So when I talk about weight and losing weight, maybe I am saying that I wish I wasn't so big in the world... My world. I wish I could go unnoticed. Quietly move about this life. And then it hit me. God did not design me for smallness. And he certainly hasn't called me to do small things. And that the space I take up, is the big space of God. So the madness about losing weight shifts into something other than wanting to be small. It becomes about being the best vessel to hold God and God's message.<br />
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This is the tone for my lenten journey. Explore the big space of God that I am. For the next 40 days I will look where I am big in spaces and celebrate that. To see where I am my most brightest and shine brighter, not dim down. To notice where my laugh is the biggest and loudest and add more of that to my everyday practical life. To spend time with people who are big in their lives, in their thinking and in their positive contributions to each other and to the earth<br />
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I've played small. I've tried being small. I have been small. I have sought God in the smallest of smallest places for refuge and solace. Now I am seeking God in the big spaces. I am going to see where my big spaces are and stand in them and be with God. Be with God in the big spaces. I am indeed, the big space of God.<br />
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Amen.<br />
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<br />Babz Rawls Ivyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04059921674059371076noreply@blogger.com2