I am the Magic

 

As I reflect on my intentional transformation, I am realizing what I've deeply held in my spirit...

I am the one that is the magic.  God has equipped me with all that I need.  God has left gifts and pearls of wisdom in my path.  My path is illuminated.

Path illuming 

as I move as God would have me.

I am the magic

Indeed.

I am Willing To Listen....

I spent the better part of my life running from God... boxing with God... ignoring God.

God is loud. God is a whisper. God has been jockeying for my attention forever!  I am only now hearing God from a place of peace and quiet.  I am not afraid of the silence and what that brings.  The voices of doubt, self hate and destruction don't have the same power.  They are not winning.

My willingness to listen is what has ended the war between God and I.

I am listening.  I am listening. I am listening.  I am still struggling to tune out the message... the call to come and be, and share the romance of God and I.

I am strong willed.  Yet God waits.  there are days when the doubts rule.  And God waits.

As I said I am willing to listen.  I am listening.

What I Ache For....

This is such a provocative statement... a simple question that stops me cold and begs me to deal with it.

What do I ache for?  WHAT DO I ACHE FOR? What is the dream of my heart's longing?

Answering this for myself requires a kind of permission I have not granted myself for a very long time.  And I am wondering why haven't I and wondering if I am bold enough to get to the truth of the matter... beyond the fear of what the answer(s) may mean to me in this present moment.

Being 50 is its own gift.  There is a certain kind of permission granting that happens at this half century mark. There is within me  deeply held desires for things unspoken.  Long held flights of fantasy...or so I thought. Long held dreams that seemed so out of my reach...exceeding my grasp.  And yet here I am pondering and running from the desire's of my heart.  God has already said have them and yet I hesitate. More than hesitate I destroy.  Yes, destroy, bury, dismantle.  All under the guise of pursuing more practical choices.  I am the assassin of my heart's longings.

Is the conditioning of the world saying no, greater than God's yes?

So much to take to prayer.