THANK YOU UNFRIEND...

 In thinking about where I am in my life---This is what I have learned: When someone criticizes you at every turn for everything you do, think, believe and feel...they are not talking to you or about you. Their drama is inner turmoil and unhappiness. You are reflecting back to them their lack of drive, determination and boldness. Pray for them, wish them well and keep your head up. This life ain't no dress rehearsal for a better one coming along. None of Us has time to waste pondering foolishness, let alone someone's warped opinion of what we ought to be doing in our lives.  Look at the source.  Is what they are saying working in their own lives.  That's always the truth serium.  Is the shit they talk... the shit they walk?

Yes there are folks who can criticise you, and in love you can hear what they have to say. You can listen with an open heart to those folks who have paid their dues to be in your company.  They have been with you in the trenches and low times.  They haven't just shown up for the good times and feel like they have the authority to berate you about the choices you've made.  No sir!  Back up! Hold UP! 

Every encounter, every interaction with another person, is designed to teach us something.  There is a lesson in every story.  Sometimes we have to go back to move forward.  Sometimes when we get what we asked for, we find out that's not what we need or want at all.  Sometimes, the drama is just what we need to click the light bulb on to tell us, you can and must do better than this mess. Turn around and move in an entirely new direction.

So thank you unfriend, for breaking my heart, trying to break my spirit, using my kindness against me, and allowing me to see fully and honestly that I am better than what you have to offer on your best day.

E.N.D.: GOING VEGAN BABY!

Moving in an ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION (END).  I AM GOING STONED COLD VEGAN!
Bring on the salads, vegetables, fruit, hummus! I am all in!  Why? Why? Why?

Because my health is deteriorating.  I am not fit, healthy or well. I know I know I know, I have been lamenting this issue for as long as I have been blogging. I get motivated with a plan and then a few weeks in, something happens and I ditch.  Well this time I am staying....I am telling you I'm not going (cue Jennifer Hudson).  Now I am more than half-way there anyhow, I mean I don't and can't drink milk, butter, or cheese.  I have a severe intolerance to milk proteins---I mean SEVERE....FATAL!

I must admit I am also wanting to look HOT! I want to recapture my sex appeal (which of course starts in my head) nonetheless, I want to be svelte, I want to have sex in more positions (when you have a fat tummy you just have a tougher time having a partner on top---think beached whale) Anyway I am not being hard on myself, I standing in my reality.  I am fully in love with myself, but my health is not reflecting that love.

I just finished Dr. Joel Fuhrman's book Eat To Live.  I LOVE LOVE LOVED It!  It's packed with such good information and real truths about commitment and discipline and a serious forward by Mehmet C. Oz, M.D. aka Dr. Oz.  This may be tough for some people, but not for me.  My mind is clear and focused.  I gotta make some changes...not small baby-step changes...grand sweeping life changing changes.

It's 2011! I want to be more!  I want to do more!  I want to live more!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! The Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling...

I am not crazy about the frenetic video, BUT THS SONG IS HOT! I am changing the lyrics and inserting: I GOT A FEELING THAT 2011 IS GONNA BE A GOOD GOOD YEAR! I GOT A FEELING THAT 2011 IS GONNA BE A GOOD GOOD YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

You don't know what love is - Cassandra Wilson

MERRY MERRY HAPPY HAPPY!

I love Christmas!  Those that know me best can attest to this.  I happily and whole heartedly celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and Valentine's Day and my birthday with GUSTO!  Nothing gets in my way or on my nerves.  Whatever drama is unfolding I don't care, I stay in the holiday spirit!  The trick going into next year is keeping this spirit alive and well all year long.  That's one of my resolutions!  I am by nature and choice optimistic and romantic. 

There is love all around.  There is joy to be had or as my blog brother Lin who blogs over at Moanerplicities always suggests Snatch JOY!  Indeed I am!  Love is a choice.  Living well is a choice.  I have done remarkably well in choosing love over fear.  Don't get me wrong, I have many missteps and mistakes under my belt, but that's all a part of this living we all are desperate to do.

Merry Merry Happy Happy!  That sums it all up for me.  I will be back in 2011 with new adventures to seek out, more love to make and joy to snatch!

DEAR SANTA: I WANT A PARTNER, LOVER, HUSBAND.

Yes I am declaring it I WANT A HUSBAND! I am ready.  Being with Mr. Love has made me realize I am a woman meant for marriage, partnership and  commitment.  So on my Christmas list to Santa, next to world peace, food for all, I want a husband.  Being married was lovely and I was sad that marriage ended.  I am not one of those people against marriage just because a marriage ended.  That marriage was not a failure, it produced 4 beautiful children and truth be told my ex and I are better partners apart. We have become much more balanced parents and I love that.

So, Dear Santa, I have a long standing Love List that would greatly guide your efforts.  Yes I know I am a complicated woman...who isn't?  I am realistic, I don't expect  him to be under the tree this year! However next year I will be waiting!

Merry Christmas!

NOT MISSING HIM AT ALL: THE LOVE STORY ENDS...FINALLY!

So finally He packed his things and moved out.  It took some doing to get him out of my house, and now it's done!  I do not miss the arguing, the nasty, snide comments, the disapproving glances, the quiet retreats from everyday basic conversation.  We just didn't get along.

It started with so much promise.  I had hoped this loveship would be thrilling, enriching, empowering and comforting.  What it really turned out to be was kooky unmet expectations.  Ignorant thinking, poor intellectual stimulation and great sex.  Not enough to build anything of substance.  "If only I would"... He would lament day in and day out.  If only I would be, do, think a certain kind of way.  If only I never challenged him on decisions, ridiculous stances of right and wrong and truth. If only he could be the lord and master of our fate. As I look back on the last year, I realized I got just what I asked for.  I got a poorly defined loveship with someone with a few of the things I like in a person, but not enough to root me to them.  I like smart men, that matters to me.  I like thinking, conscious, world saving men.  I like men who don't run away when things get tough or challenging or messy.  I like men who don't whine.  I like men who know how to be in family and put down roots.  I like men who like women...just as they are.  I like men who like themselves.  He did not like being in the world as it is.  He always saw doom and gloom and ugliness.  Ugghh he was depressing to my spirit.

Oh I tried and tried to make it work. Turned myself into a pretzel trying to make it work.  Dimmed my own bright lights trying to make this mess work.  I am relieved beyond measure not having him underfoot. I am glad he is gone.  The truth is he really wasn't here.  He really wasn't present.  I have to admit that he used my home as a pit stop.  A place to be while he was in-between here and there.  He has always been in between spaces and places.  He has never finished anything.  He has run from more challenging situations than I care to count.  But his life and shortcoming are not mine to count.  I have my own lessons to discern from this experience. 

He has indeed made me a richer woman in owning my truths and valuing what I need and want in a partner.  I have a map.  A love List that still speaks volumes to what I want in my life.  He can say whatever, think whatever.  I know he was wrong wrong wrong for me.  I am not missing him at all.

The Love Story ENDS.