I had a date. A real date. As dates goes it was OK. He seemed like a nice man...a bit self absorbed.. a bit arrogant...and superficial. All that is fine. I am not pressed by it. But I realized, I AM NOT READY TO DATE!
See as he was sitting there talking about him...all about him. I realized I was not excited. I didn't feel fun. He did not peak my interest. Perhaps I am being too finicky. But there is something to getting a vibe on someone. There is something to being open to new possibilities. But I am not interested in being glib, acting like a pageant queen, careful as to how I present. Over thinking my comments. I am just not ready. Truly.
I have all that I need. Great Sister-friends. A best friend (RT) who I hang out with once a month over drinks & dinner. I am getting comfortable in my aloness...my uncoupled state. I think I wanted some steamy sexy tryst(s). I thought I wanted mindless, unemotional, disconnected sexual encounters....I do not. I want sex. I want sex in a thoughtful, loving way.
I can wait.
I can wait. Wait for the love that I need and desire. I can wait on committed sex. I can wait on intimacy and loveship.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A BRAND NEW DAY!
STING & STEVIE WONDER AT THE NEIGHBORHOOD INAUGURAL BALL
I AM FEELING THIS TODAY!
How many of you people out there
Been hurt in some kind of love affair
And how many times do you swear that youll never love again?
How many lonely, sleepless nights
How many lies, how many fights
And why would you want to put yourself through all that again?
love is pain, I hear you say
Love has a cruel and bitter way
Of paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain
How could it be that what you need the most
Can leave you feeling just like a ghost?
You never want to feel so sad and lost again
One day you could be looking
Through an old book in rainy weather
You see a picture of her smiling at you
When you were still together
You could be walking down the street
And who should you chance to meet
But that same old smile that youve been thinking of all day
You can turn the clock to zero, honey
Ill sell the stock, well spend all the money
Were starting up a brand new day
Turn the clock all the way back
I wonder if shell take me back
Im thinking in a brand new way
Turn the clock to zero, sister
Youll never know how much I missed her
Starting up a brand new day
Turn the clock to zero, boss
The rivers wide, well swim across
Started up a brand new day
It could happen to you - just like it happened to me
Theres simply no immunity - theres no guarantee
I say loves such a force - if you find yourself in it
And sometimes no reflection is there
Baby wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
Turn the clock to zero, honey
Ill sell the stock, well spend all the money
Were starting up a brand new day
Turn the clock to zero, mac
Im begging her to take me back
Im thinking in a brand new way
Turn the clock to zero, boss
The rivers wide, well swim across
Started up a brand new day
Turn the clock to zero buddy
Dont wanna be no fuddy duddy
Started up a brand new day
Im the rhythm in your tune
Im the sun and youre the moon
Im a bat and youre the cave
Youre the beach and Im the wave
Im the plow and youre the land
Youre the glove and Im the hand
Im the train and youre the station
Im a flagpole to your nation - yeah
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Starting up a brand new day
Im the present to your future
Youre the wound and Im the suture
Youre the magnet to my pole
Im the devil in your soul
Youre the pupil Im the teacher
Youre the church and Im the preacher
Youre the flower Im the rain
Youre the tunnel Im the train
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Starting up a brand new day
Youre the crop to my rotation
Youre the sum of my equation
Im the answer to your question
If you follow my suggestion
We can turn this ship around
Well go up instead of down
Youre the pan and Im the handle
Youre the flame and Im the candle
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Were starting up a brand new day
I AM FEELING THIS TODAY!
How many of you people out there
Been hurt in some kind of love affair
And how many times do you swear that youll never love again?
How many lonely, sleepless nights
How many lies, how many fights
And why would you want to put yourself through all that again?
love is pain, I hear you say
Love has a cruel and bitter way
Of paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain
How could it be that what you need the most
Can leave you feeling just like a ghost?
You never want to feel so sad and lost again
One day you could be looking
Through an old book in rainy weather
You see a picture of her smiling at you
When you were still together
You could be walking down the street
And who should you chance to meet
But that same old smile that youve been thinking of all day
You can turn the clock to zero, honey
Ill sell the stock, well spend all the money
Were starting up a brand new day
Turn the clock all the way back
I wonder if shell take me back
Im thinking in a brand new way
Turn the clock to zero, sister
Youll never know how much I missed her
Starting up a brand new day
Turn the clock to zero, boss
The rivers wide, well swim across
Started up a brand new day
It could happen to you - just like it happened to me
Theres simply no immunity - theres no guarantee
I say loves such a force - if you find yourself in it
And sometimes no reflection is there
Baby wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
Turn the clock to zero, honey
Ill sell the stock, well spend all the money
Were starting up a brand new day
Turn the clock to zero, mac
Im begging her to take me back
Im thinking in a brand new way
Turn the clock to zero, boss
The rivers wide, well swim across
Started up a brand new day
Turn the clock to zero buddy
Dont wanna be no fuddy duddy
Started up a brand new day
Im the rhythm in your tune
Im the sun and youre the moon
Im a bat and youre the cave
Youre the beach and Im the wave
Im the plow and youre the land
Youre the glove and Im the hand
Im the train and youre the station
Im a flagpole to your nation - yeah
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Starting up a brand new day
Im the present to your future
Youre the wound and Im the suture
Youre the magnet to my pole
Im the devil in your soul
Youre the pupil Im the teacher
Youre the church and Im the preacher
Youre the flower Im the rain
Youre the tunnel Im the train
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Starting up a brand new day
Youre the crop to my rotation
Youre the sum of my equation
Im the answer to your question
If you follow my suggestion
We can turn this ship around
Well go up instead of down
Youre the pan and Im the handle
Youre the flame and Im the candle
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl
Stand up all you lovers in the world
Were starting up a brand new day
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: MY INAUGURAL SENTIMENTS
The joy of this day is not lost on the masses. No matter who you are, what your ethnic background or economic standing. There is much to celebrate.
History will capture this moment. It will tell generations to come this is what we did. This is who we chose at this moment in time. My heart is full. History cannot capture that. This blog is my time capsule. It is my living journal of who I am and how I feel about my life.
I feel more connected to this blog today more than ever before. In my lifetime I witnessed much and today is the capstone of that. Today we have an African American President swearing in as the 44th President of the United States of America. Truly heart-stopping.
The world is overwhelmed with problems and wars and trouble and drama and more wars. And one man cannot solve all the world's problems. But one man can inspire the world to look to itself to stop the pain and suffering. One man can certainly motivate the world to live better.
So my prayer is rather simple...let love rule.
History will capture this moment. It will tell generations to come this is what we did. This is who we chose at this moment in time. My heart is full. History cannot capture that. This blog is my time capsule. It is my living journal of who I am and how I feel about my life.
I feel more connected to this blog today more than ever before. In my lifetime I witnessed much and today is the capstone of that. Today we have an African American President swearing in as the 44th President of the United States of America. Truly heart-stopping.
The world is overwhelmed with problems and wars and trouble and drama and more wars. And one man cannot solve all the world's problems. But one man can inspire the world to look to itself to stop the pain and suffering. One man can certainly motivate the world to live better.
So my prayer is rather simple...let love rule.
Friday, January 16, 2009
FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: FRIENDSHIP IS ESSENTIAL TO THE SOUL
The fine men Of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc. motto Friendship Is Essential To The Soul.
From the moment I heard those words I know immediately what that meant. Those close to me know that I profoundly value friendship. My friendships are the roots from which I grow and thrive. I would be nothing or nowhere without the folks who's very existence make my existence matter.
Yes, I know folks who believe a true friend would lay down their life for you. Or would take a bullet, or some other extreme measure to show they love you. But I say the real measure of friendship is in living for me. Friendship is about vibrancy and love and connectedness. It is standing with me even when it rains. It is calling when there is no real reason to call other than to say hello. It is anticipating the need before I even know the need is there.
Friendship is not about measuring the depth of love. It is for me, about the ordinary. The mundane. The sublime. It is the romance of the simpleness of the day. It is I am thinking of you and letting my actions speak. It is extending myself on your behalf without judgement. It is you extending yourself to me without judgement. Truly.
Friendship is intimate. It takes guts and courage to be a real friend. To love. To put aside your personal limitations and stand in the gap when needed.
I celebrate my friends with gifts of kindness and presents and good will. I speak lovingly to my friends and hold them near to my heart. I think only good thoughts for them and when they hurt I hurt. When they are joyous I raise my voice joyfully. When they are in prayer...I too, go to my knees with them. I stand in solidarity for their righteous causes. I ask them to bear witness to my living.
No, dying, for me is not a true measure of love. Living and loving and loving and living is all that is necessary.
In my heart of hearts I only want the best for my friends as I do for all the earth. My circle may be small and we all have our trials and tribulations and somehow we manage to hold up the world. We celebrate each other as best we can and when we greet one another it is with songs in our hearts and smiles on our lips.
My friends accept me. They know me. They love me all the same. That is divine.
From the moment I heard those words I know immediately what that meant. Those close to me know that I profoundly value friendship. My friendships are the roots from which I grow and thrive. I would be nothing or nowhere without the folks who's very existence make my existence matter.
Yes, I know folks who believe a true friend would lay down their life for you. Or would take a bullet, or some other extreme measure to show they love you. But I say the real measure of friendship is in living for me. Friendship is about vibrancy and love and connectedness. It is standing with me even when it rains. It is calling when there is no real reason to call other than to say hello. It is anticipating the need before I even know the need is there.
Friendship is not about measuring the depth of love. It is for me, about the ordinary. The mundane. The sublime. It is the romance of the simpleness of the day. It is I am thinking of you and letting my actions speak. It is extending myself on your behalf without judgement. It is you extending yourself to me without judgement. Truly.
Friendship is intimate. It takes guts and courage to be a real friend. To love. To put aside your personal limitations and stand in the gap when needed.
I celebrate my friends with gifts of kindness and presents and good will. I speak lovingly to my friends and hold them near to my heart. I think only good thoughts for them and when they hurt I hurt. When they are joyous I raise my voice joyfully. When they are in prayer...I too, go to my knees with them. I stand in solidarity for their righteous causes. I ask them to bear witness to my living.
No, dying, for me is not a true measure of love. Living and loving and loving and living is all that is necessary.
In my heart of hearts I only want the best for my friends as I do for all the earth. My circle may be small and we all have our trials and tribulations and somehow we manage to hold up the world. We celebrate each other as best we can and when we greet one another it is with songs in our hearts and smiles on our lips.
My friends accept me. They know me. They love me all the same. That is divine.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
RAW DAWG BUFFALO RADIO 11:00PM EST TONIGHT
GEORGE W. BUSH...BACK DOWN MEMORY LANE
CALL-IN 347-324-5722
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
MY WORTH
With age comes wisdom...I hope...I pray! I do know that at 45 I see the world very differently than I did at 25 and 35. I know my 20's was all about discovery and learning about relationships and racing from one club to the next. My 30's were all about thinking about being connected. Career development and upward mobility.
Now that I am on the other side of 40 and loving it. I know what I am worth. I know what I can tolerate and stand. The last 2 years were tough. My marriage ended...my finances were a mess. I was in danger of losing my home and I felt alone. But I persevered. Persevered on my own steam. I dug in and trusted myself to get through to the next day.
Standing in my own skin I know damn well I cannot tolerate foolishness and mayhem...thanks Princess Tinybutt! I cannot go back to questionable relationships. Not knowing how someone feels about me. I am not going back to chasing or questioning someone intentions towards me. If you are not clear...certain...direct...forthright...or Grown I am not messing with you. I am not entertaining future involvements nor am I wasting my time.
I know my worth.
I would rather be alone than to be entangled with someone who is not sure...or afraid...or has other unfinished relationship drama. See I am a Grown Woman...not easily intimidated by anyone. I am a woman of heart and mind and I do not have the patience for Men who pretend to be men but really have way too many insecurities...excuses...or just lack integrity.
There is a big world out there and I want to be in! And if I have to be in it as a Single woman...I say BRING IT ON!
At the end of the day living the life I want is my priority. I am happy. I am in command of my senses. I am on a path that I am excited about. My worth shows in my step and smile and in the love that radiates from within.
I know my worth and the Brother that sees that will know it too.
Now that I am on the other side of 40 and loving it. I know what I am worth. I know what I can tolerate and stand. The last 2 years were tough. My marriage ended...my finances were a mess. I was in danger of losing my home and I felt alone. But I persevered. Persevered on my own steam. I dug in and trusted myself to get through to the next day.
Standing in my own skin I know damn well I cannot tolerate foolishness and mayhem...thanks Princess Tinybutt! I cannot go back to questionable relationships. Not knowing how someone feels about me. I am not going back to chasing or questioning someone intentions towards me. If you are not clear...certain...direct...forthright...or Grown I am not messing with you. I am not entertaining future involvements nor am I wasting my time.
I know my worth.
I would rather be alone than to be entangled with someone who is not sure...or afraid...or has other unfinished relationship drama. See I am a Grown Woman...not easily intimidated by anyone. I am a woman of heart and mind and I do not have the patience for Men who pretend to be men but really have way too many insecurities...excuses...or just lack integrity.
There is a big world out there and I want to be in! And if I have to be in it as a Single woman...I say BRING IT ON!
At the end of the day living the life I want is my priority. I am happy. I am in command of my senses. I am on a path that I am excited about. My worth shows in my step and smile and in the love that radiates from within.
I know my worth and the Brother that sees that will know it too.
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