Dear Nina, I Am Sorry I didn't Learn This Sooner...

As evolved as I think I am... And I am. Past habits have a way of showing up. I find myself losing myself in someone's bullshit of a life and before I know it,  I am Superwoman holding up their hopes and dreams. Trying to make their shit align with my shit. What? Why? OMG!

Now to my credit, I have learned to see this mess in record time. When I sit through and walk myself through their behaviours, based on what I see and experience. I get to the truth rather quickly. I have long since given up talking myself into a alternate reality. Yes, an alternate reality... Code for LIES! All manner of lies!

I had to walk myself through some shit just recently. This time I could see myself clearly going down that path of holding up some muthafuckas sky. Mind you their ghosting behaviour wasn't enough... I had to go all the way in and get the dagger in my heart. Oh.  It's over now. I clearly see the light of day, all without wasting too much time. But still, thinking back it all seemed like unnecessary heartbreak.

I want to stay open and vulnerable. I don't want to suspect every potential suitor of being an asshole. Time always bears out who a person is. And honestly, who they are shows up rather early. It comes down to how ready and willing am I to believe what I see and experience?

Dear Nina, I am sorry I didn't learn this sooner... "You've got to learn to leave the table when love's no longer being served". I got it now. Lesson learned many times over.

Moving forward, I am done holding up the sky for some potential love interest. I am only going to respond to legitimate offers of invitations of spending time with me. I am only going to seriously entertain men who check for me first.  

My table is set. I am serving up love everyday. What I'm not going to do is act as though I've never been feed. I am not thirsty. And truly, I am an amazing partner for dinner, for conversation, for sports, for reading, for music, for love, for life.

A Dead Of Winter Break... Being Revolutionary In My Own Life

It is time to explore radical self care. Be revolutionary in my own life. I cannot keep up this breakneck pace of work in the absence of real pleasures. What the fuck am I doing?

The bigger questions looms... Is this the life of my dreams? No! Then how do I get that life?

I am going to explore those questions and get some answers. Time is of the essence. 2016 and these early days in 2017 have shown me that this life ain't no dress rehearsal for the life I really want. If I want a different life, now is the time to make that leap... Get on that path.

How?

1.  Turn off the competing noises... Leave social media alone for a bit.

2. Do more of the shit that makes me happiest

3. Read for pleasure only

4. Laugh and be in the company of laughing people

5. Be Vegan. Cook Vegan. Eat Clean.

6. Walk. Wander the world on foot.

7.  Write... Handwritten letters, notes and cards to friends and lovers far away.

8.  Enjoy the company of my women friends more

9. Make love... I have no idea how this is going to happen... I don't have a lover to speak of, nor is           there one on the horizon. I just figured I'd put it out into the universe and see. (well, will be more         intentional than wishing)

10. Rest. Rest more. Deep sleep. A real bed time. And naps.

11. Whatever else I discover on my way to my revolution.

2017: Intentional Like A Muthafucka

2017 Happy New Year! 

I have no intentions of rehashing 2016. It was what it was. We took some hits, we had a great many loses and we have an asshole, grifter, conman as the PEOTUS.

I am squarely focused on 2017.  I have two goals. Just two.

1. Health:  I resolve to respect that real wealth has at its foundation good health and well being.
This year my health has been fucked up. I have been sicker than I have ever been in a very long time. Not only that, I had to do a few months of physical therapy because I was experiencing chronic pain in my hips and upper thighs. I could barely walk. I cried a lot. It hurt a great deal. Maybe because of mild arthritis, maybe because of serious prescription drug interactions. Whatever the reasons, I learned that I have to get and be intentional about good health... Excellent health. There is no more room to bullshit, compromise and make excuses.

Every year I make some bullshit proclamation about health and what I am willing to do to get there.. I start off with great enthusiasm and before long, I have stopped. This year I saw first hand what poor health is like. I saw first hand what it feels like to be immobile. It took every ounce of sheer will not to get a cane. This cannot be my life, I cried. I've got to get beyond this setback. I realized that I have taken my health for granted. I thought I would always be well and healthy and mobile. The rudest of awakenings.

This weight has to go. I am not fat shaming myself or anyone else. I just cannot carry this weight into another year and expect to live long and prosperous. The plan will be to take all that I know and follow a plan of my making. I am not giving any more money to programs, trainers, potions, pills, equipment. I've learned a lot and I know there is no "magic" to weight loss, just common sense, consistency and commitment to what I want to be. Everyday I will be intentional about what I eat and how I move this body. Everyday there will be time set aside to move this body.

2. Wealth: I resolve to learn that money is a tool and as such, opens the doors to how I want to live.
If what I am doing is not fueling my bank account I am not doing it. If I cannot turn my so-called hobbies into income, I am letting it go. Wealth creation, wealth building, wealth sustainability is the only focus. Multiple streams of income. 2017 is all about breaking the poverty curse. I know exactly how I want to live. I am no longer interested in squandering money or time. Aligning myself with like-minded people is the new focus. I've had a lifetime of good times. I have tripped the light fantastic all over the world. What I have not done is secure my financial future. I must. I don't have another 50 years to get this right.

2017 calls me to immerse myself in business... Books, talks, workshops, webinars, and anything that raises my awareness about money and the power of money and investment.

This is the year that intentional thinking and acting take priority. Everything else is secondary. I am not saying I won't have a good time or hangout with friends... What I am saying is, there has to be real emphasis on not being fiscally broke all the time, like it's just the way it is. No. It isn't and I have to positioned to move in the direction of my fiscal dreams.

Two resolutions. Two goals. 2017. #BabzIsIntentionalLikeAMuthaFucka