Wednesday, April 25, 2012

COUNT DOWN TO 49: May 2nd. Share Your Wisdom With Me

It's coming! May 2!  My 49th BIRTHDAY!

I am a fool for my birthday!  I celebrate it with such gusto that over the years folks feel compelled to join in both near and far!I welcome all the celebrations on my behalf!

What do I want to do this year?  What resolutions will I declare?

I have already decided to work on my health. I have hired a trainer.  I see her three times a week for 45 minutes.  I hate it.  I love it!  I am whipping this body back into shape.  No more lip service.  I am putting my money where my mouth is.  49 is my transition into the next part of my life. I cannot afford my trainer.  But I also can't afford to keep taking high blood pressure medications.  I can't afford to have diabetes. I can't afford to get sick stemming from obesity.  So I am being preemptive.  I am investing in myself. 

I am also going to change the look and feel of this blog.  I have been at this for a long time now and I am ready to embrace a more spiritual well-being. I have worked out a great many issues and know I am ready to walk into the path of what I have learned.  Nope I am not preaching.  I am embracing my human being! I am turning a corner and its time.

What do I want from my blogging friends?  All the best advice you have to give!  Shower me with your words of wisdom.  I read so many folks who just get it right on so many levels that I know I can benefit from their pearls of wisdom.

So share with me all your best advice and words of wisdom as I spend all of year 49 transitioning into the woman of my dreams.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Break. Birthday. Blog.

It is time for a bit of a respite.  A time to step away from the blog and just put this time here toward other projects.  Just for a little while as I sort, discern, contemplate and daydream.  When I come back I may just change the look of this blog.  Hang some new curtains, paint the walls, tile the floor. You know make it brighter!

Really I am thinking about my birthday too.  May 2nd will be here before I know it.  What do I want this year?
I want the best advice anyone has to offer on life, love,  and baking vegan cookies.  Any pearls of wisdom to carry with me on my journey ahead.  Each year there is a theme of sorts... poetry... music.... etc.  This year its words of wisdom.
I may even want to go back and re-read my archives.  Nothing like looking backwards to chart the course forward.  And since I am such a fool about my birthday, this is the perfect time to make resolutions and grand sweeping declarations about momentous change! Ha ha ha.

The world is loud and I need to seek some peace and quiet for a little while.  I need to put a lid on my self-absorption as I turn my attention to other matters of heart, home and other blogging interests.

I'll be back.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Requests Are Veiled Demands

" I need to see consistent effort"  I am not attracted to Big Sisters... but I love your spirit and energy" " Why can't you explore my requests"

What I know for sure is that loveships cannot exist when someone wants to be an overseer.  Love cannot grow and develop if there are conditions that are so rigid that failure is imminent.  I am trying to convey something that is truly one-sided, meaning I am telling my side without benefit of sharing all of the other side. But since this is my place of blogging, that's how it is.

What I want him to say is: I love you just as you are.  If you never work out like the athlete you used to be that's fine with me.  If you never ever lose one pound, I will love you to the end of time.  I am not asking him to support me doing nothing.  What I am asking hm to do is to take the pressure off.  To allow me room to move at my pace...excuses and all.  No one can be more concerned about my health than me.  And that can't be a whipping tool.  Love isn't about conditions. Requests shouldn't be veiled demands, that make me feel like I have no choice if I want him in my life. (which is bullshit) but so that it is, it makes me feel suffocated and very conscious of seeking approval by doing what was requested...which is really a veiled demand.  See how it just goes round and round.

I am not asking anyone to co-sign my mess.  Nor am I asking anyone to overlook my laziness.  What I do want is unconditional support.  What I want is cheering and rallying.  What I want is someone to just bear witness and gently guide and direct.  I know there is a fine line for encouragement and calling me out.

I just want to be loved with all the depth and breath possible.