Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thanksgiving At The Huxtables (Cliff's Wet Adventure) (Part 1)



Happy Thanksgiving! This is one of my favorite episodes...it feels so like my family now.

Wherever you are and with whom ever you are with ENJOY!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

OneRepublic - Good Life



I LOVE this song! It just makes me feel good. And the last lines are the best!


Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly
Don't really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone

New names and numbers that I don't know
Address to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want
We're young enough to say

[Chorus]

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

[Verse 2]

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

[Bridge 1]

When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

[Chorus]

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
A good good life Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

[Bridge 2]

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cuz hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

[Chorus]

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Col-or-ado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can' t jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about

(Thanks to Clayton T. for these lyrics)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Being Desperate Is Not A Good Way To Get A Husband...

I have undermined everything I said I would not do.  I have tolerated drama.  I have made allowances and excuses for a certain kind of behaviour that I know in my heart was bullshit.  All I can offer as an explanation is that while I was in the whirlwind of being strung along, I didn't see clearly.  I believed what I wanted to see.  I allowed wishing and fantasy to to be my prevailing thoughts.  I was stuck on stupid.

I wanted a relationship.  And I convinced myself that I had all this relationship work to do....based on what "He" said.  If "he" said I needed to work on X then it must be true.  If "He" said that I was acting like this, that and other, then it must be true.  I listened and listened and really did start to believe the bullshit.  Oh there were moments when I had enough and said so, but then I would get seduced...rooked back into a dialogue on the possibility of marriage and commitment.  I realized I was desperate to make this work.

What is this thing about relationship where I lose my mind. Maybe this was my real message, notice where I am desperate and work on that.  Perhaps this is where I need to put my attention...why am I so desperate for a loveship.  I mean I have a love list that I didn't follow!

Back to self analysis.  Back to discernment.  Back to contemplative prayer.

I do know right now that being desperate is not a good way to get a husband.  That looking good or almost good or maybe good is NOT good enough! Holding onto some one's potential to meet you half way is not a good place to build lasting love.  I knew this and yet I sold out.  Sure, history, great sex weighed heavy in my insanity about this relationship.  But I was annoyed and unhappy more than I was joyous and excited. How could I constantly ignore that?

Yep, I gotta leave him alone and get back to my love list, which is really getting back to me and becoming my best self.

Thanks Big Mark 243... you turned on the light.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Wherever My Heart Goes, My Head Must Come Along

I am daring to be transparent in my loveship.  I am going to share my feelings of what has been plaguing me since the beginning of the possibility of marriage.  I have resentments that need to be addressed, otherwise things will fester and grow and become larger than life.  Do I say what's bothering me?, or do I suck it up and let it go?  The answer is tell the truth.  If you love someone you owe them the truth.  If you love yourself you owe yourself the truth.

I have given him money every time he asked.  He seems to be in a financial bind all the time.  He is a damsel in distress and I am the Knight charging in to rescue him (and I don't have shit to give).  It's been over 2 years and he is still wrestling with the issues he was dealing with when we were young back in the day.  He is living in Baltimore sharing an apartment with an old friend.  The other day he was whining about getting his own place because of (insert any issue).  And yet he easily finds fault with my choices and my decisions.  Now all of this is petty and background noise because for the most part he is a man who is kind and generous and cares deeply for people.  He wrestles his inner demons better than most and I love the way he is very God centered.

I know he is struggling.  I know he is kicking himself for all the missed and lost opportunities to further his education, make more money and have better relationship with his kids.  We all are harder on ourselves than the world could ever be on us.  He is my friend and I care deeply about his well being.  If I say yes to a commitment will I be making a huge mistake? And can I get past my own fears and insecurities?

I am going to share these feeling with him in a loving even toned way.  I want to talk openly and honestly about what my fears are and what I see as I look to the future with him.  He is there and i am here so nothing has a sense of urgency or can happen all at once.  Plans would have to be considered, made and implemented.  Could we join our lives together? 

I do know that wherever I follow my heart my head must also come along.  I am too mature to be simple minded.  I am not a stupid woman.  And I am not trying to be so quick to judge.  We could be great together and we could realize all our dreams.  We could be each others soul mate and live happily ever after in friendship, harmony and love.  We could commit to being committed and work at Us 25/8.  The possibilities of love are endless, it just all depends on what I am willing to do on my part and what I am willing to support on his part.

We shall see.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Phyllis Hyman - Be Careful (How You Treat My Love)


Someone dear to me called me this morning around 6:00am to sing this to me. It has been on his mind for a few months. I was quite moved. I have been so careless with understanding the depth of his love for me.

Be careful how you treat my love
Don't you know good love is hard to find
Be careful how you use my love
Just be kind to this heart of mine

Darling, you've been careless
For the past few months
It's time you realize how much you stand to lose
Love don't grow on trees
You should have learned by now
Once you find real love
Never, never let it go

Be careful how you treat my love
Don't you know good love is hard to find
Be careful how you use my love
Just be kind to this heart of mine

My love is strong and true
I've given it all to you
Don't be foolish now and throw it away
What I'm trying to say
Let's be more aware
Of this thing we've got

Be careful how you treat my love
Don't you know good love is hard to find
Be careful how you use my love
Just be kind to this heart of mind

Be careful how you treat my love
Don't you know good love is hard to find
Be careful how you use my love
Just be kind to this heart of mind

This love we have

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Redefining Enough

We are tempted to define enough as, "always something more than I have now."
Martin B. Copenhaver is Senior Pastor, Wellesley Congregational Church, United Church of Christ, Wellesley, Massachusetts. He is the author, with Lillian Daniel, of This Odd and Wondrous Calling: the Public and Private Lives of Two Ministers


Everyday my church denomination ...United Church of Christ (UCC) sends out/posts a daily devotional called Still Speaking Daily Devotional. November 8 was on Abundance and Scarcity.  The line above stayed with me.  I find that one line life changing.  We are tempted to define enough as "always something more than I have now"  I am asking myself is this how I define enough? Is this how I have been unconsciously defining enough?  And if this is true, then I can explain why I am always fearful of lack.  This would explain why I am always desperate about money.  My definition of enough is distorted.  It is rooted in not being in the present moment. 

I have not been standing in my present grace.  The abundance of this moment is the blessing and yet I have been missing it more times than I care to share. I have put my attention on what's ahead and what might come, rather than looking at what is before me right now.  Right now I am well.  My kids are healthy and fed.  We have a roof over our heads today.  I have been worrying into the future and not taking better care of my right now.  I am not talking about giving up goals and making plans.  What I am coming to understand is that I need balance of creating plans and living in the present.

I have to redefine enough.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Good Bye Uncle Lonnie

I am on my way to Columbia, South Carolina. My Uncle Lonnie died. It is stunning to imagine my life without his physical presence.  I am doing the eulogy.  I have written a poem for the program.  I trust God will fill me with the most beautiful words to say.


Conversation.

The conversation began when I was born
of world, wars, love

He talked, I dreamed
of family, lovers, strangers, God

He talked, I dreamed
of career, passion, who shall I become

The conversation began when I was born

A rich running dialogue
of loss, remembrance, celebration

He talked, I dreamed

Dreamed
Of All that is
And all he hoped I would be.

As heaven would host him
Now I am
The talker
He the dreamer
And the conversation continues

Infinite

The way we know love to be.