Saturday, May 30, 2009

YOUR LIFE IS FUCKED UP AND YET YOU WANT TO TELL ME HOW TO LIVE?

You know I am a woman for an epiphany. I am open to the divine. I am open for truth to wash over me like raging waters in a flood. When I am still...truth reveals. Truth has a way of showing up when you are not sure...when you have doubts...when you hear shit that makes no sense. TRUTH PREVAILS. What you do with truth is your own challenge...and a topic for another day.

Of late I have been allowing folks to put their spin on how I think...how I process information. At first I was intimidated by the so-called intellect...then I was enamoured of the scope of thought. I thought there must be something for me to learn...they have something to teach me. But then on second glance I am like WHAT THE FUCK? You see folks can always tell you about your life...but are remiss in owning their own mis-steps. Their shit is falling in all around them and you have to wonder about all that so-called intellect.

If someone is hell bent on telling you how to be...then you have to look at their life with a finer tooth comb. Because what you say and what you live cannot be in opposition...and if they are, then you know they are FULL OF SHIT!

I pride myself on knowing who I AM. I feel everything about the world and I make no apologies for my emotions, for my feelings, for my highly intuitive self. I don't get it right all of the time. I have fucked up...I have made life altering mistakes...I own all of it. But you will never hear me say your life is lived WRONG! I will never say you are too emotional...you are not objective. Because those that say that shit have the worst time of it. I believe if they did feel things their lives wouldn't be falling in around them. And their decisions about how to live and how to love would not cost so much.

I gotta trust what I know. I gotta ponder and discern my history. You don't get to come through what I have come through and not be wiser. My humanity is intact. I love the world. It is not a dark and dangerous place. I am not afraid of folks on the street. I am not worried about the apocalypse. I am not worried about the end of days. Because I am rooted in the here and now. I have seen some crazy shit. I have experienced unspeakable pain and suffering. And yet I choose love.

So no one gets to tell me how to be, how to live. How to feel. How to think. How to process information. How to love. Handle yours. Deal with your loneliness. Find your truth. Discern your life choices. Don't be so quick to judge me and my life. Don't be so quick to tell me about my mistakes, shortcomings..human frailties. Look to where your life has taken you and answer your own questions. I own my shit...all of it...the good...the bad...the very very very ugly.

I have no desire to bully. To point out shortcomings...frailties. I have no interest in being dismissive and short and small. I believe if someone is engaging me in conversation...I am the one blessed. I am not bored by the mundane...the ordinary... the contrite. Everyone matters.

I've had an epiphany. And I am grateful for the way in which the divinity shares with me. I am unapologetic in my strength of emotional connections. I've wasted way too much time in dabbling with pseudo-intellectual pursuits. I seek truth. Not a truth rooted in judgement or right or wrong. But truth that clears the way for greater understanding and clarity on how to live as God would have me to.

Look to your own life and your own decisions before you render judgement on someone Else's life's decisions.

Objectivity has its place, but arrogance in the place of compassion and emotional connection is hollow and lonely. I choose love over fear.

You have no idea how liberating this post is....

Friday, May 29, 2009

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: MY SEXUAL DECLARATION

I LOVE SEX. I am a highly sexual being. There is nothing more divine than having sex. I love sex so much that I have a blog solely dedicated to the pleasures of sex. I am a woman made for sex. I could have sex everyday...maybe several times a day. I love sex.

But at this point in my life I do not want to have sex with a stranger. I don't want to have sex with someone who cares not for my well being. I do not want to have sex with someone who will have sex with someone new tomorrow. I don't want to have sex with multiple partners over a short period of time....or a long period of time for that matter. I don't not want to have sex in secret. I do not want to have sex as an afterthought. I don't want to have sex with someone who cares not about his own safety. I don't want to have sex in boredom. I do not want to have sex for recreational sport. I don't want casual sex...like wearing jeans and flip flops to the mall.

I want celebratory sex. I want sex that is deliberate. I want sex that is catered to my needs...desires...fantasies. I want to scream his name because I know him. I want sex that catches my breath. I want sex that makes me dream and orgasm in my sleep. I want sex that keeps me wet in my waking hours. I want sex with a man...strong...bold...determined...unafraid..committed...loving...tender. I want sex that binds and connects and reaffirms my beauty to my spirit to my intellect to my heart. I want righteous sex. I want sex without reservation. I want sex that is lush. I want sex with a man who wants me solely. I want sex with a man that knows I was made for him.

I've been fucked...screwed...bent over...made love to. I have been with men I couldn't pick out of a line-up today if I had to. I have had my share of lovers...good ...bad...indifferent. I have long forgotten names of men who I have shared this body with. I have even loved a few...deeply. I have tried everything under the sun...twice...three times. I have been unashamed in my lust. I have fed my big sexual appetite with men from all over the world. I have laid with men who loved me...hated me...even strangers to me. I have collected a lifetime of men in strange places with different faces all up for the act. I've fucked men and kicked them out of my living space: Nope I Sleep Alone---you gotta go---it's been nice---I'll call you.

Marriage changed me. It gave me a safe place to house this sexual appetite. It taught me that love and sex could exist. That to love a man fully was more than just giving him my body. Love meant happily sharing my hopes, dreams, fears, heart. I was at home in marriage. I was suited to it. I can not go back to fucking any old Joe for pleasure. I want the promise of love for a lifetime.

I want my sexual pleasures to be exclusively shared with a like-minded lover. That's it. This is my sexual declaration. I have to care about you, and I have to matter to you. There is no compromising on that. I have to know that you are for me. I have to believe that I am for you. I want all of heaven.

As I maneuver the dating waters I need this clarity. I am not willing to take a man to my bed and have him enter this body because I am horny or that I am bored or lonely or there's nothing else to do. It is sacred. If I believe that and treat it as sacred then the experience when it does happen and it will happen, will be divine. I am not talking sexual tricks and positions and acrobatics. I am talking about when my soul-mate arrives we will both come to it as new lovers. Eager, and excited.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

GETTING TO KNOW ME...I'VE BEEN LOVINGLY TAGGED!

My kindred Blog-Sister Kay C, The Quiet Storm TAGGED ME! So if you are in the mood to share...consider yourself TAGGED!

Rules:
1.) Respond: answer the questions on your blog.
2.) Replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.
3.) Tag eight other people.

What's your current obsession?
Crafting. Making my own cards. Tricking out journals. Tapping into my creative self

What's your must have fashion need?
Sun dresses, long skirts, tunic tops

What are you wearing right now?
Blue sweat pants and a white men's t-shirt

What's your favorite food?
I like so many different kinds of food...too many to say a favorite

What do you do for fun?
I like roaming furniture stores, I like hunting for home things, dishes, glasses, linens
I love pouring over magazines spread across my bed
I love being outside in my bare feet

What made today special?
That I get to have the entire day to myself

What would you like to learn to do?
Learn Argentinian tango
Ballroom dancing

What's the last thing you bought?
Propane tank for grill

What are you listening/watching right now?
Paris Groove, by the Rippingtons

What's your favorite weather?
Sunny, 80s, no humidity

What's your one goal in life?
To live the best possible life imaginable

What do you think of the person that tagged you?
Kay C is an amazing woman. We are on the same parallel journey. We are Sisters.

If you could have a house totally paid for, what would it look like?
I love Mediterranean style house with lots of land and trees and flowers....roses...peonies...begonias

What would you like to have in your hands right now?
Unlimited bank account

What would be your ideal job
My own foundation to support women, families and children in urban/rural areas

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour where would you go?
Any well kept botanical garden

What language would you like to learn?
French
Spanish more fluently

What do you look for in a friend?
Authenticity, kindness, loyalty and laughter

Who do you want to meet in person?
I would host a fab dinner party and would invite Ghandi, Zora Neale Hurtson, Mary McCloud Bethune, Dr. King, Coretta King, Dorothy Dandridge, Scott Joplin, Duke Ellington, Charlie Parker, Ella Fitzgerald, Lena Horne, Calvin Lockhart, Cornell West, Ida Wells, Barbara Jordan, Octavia Butler, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Golda Meir, Eleanor Roosevelt, Nikki Giovanni, June Jordan, Haki Madhubuti.


Describe your personal style?
Classic elegance. Relaxed, easy and very comfortable

What's your favorite t.v. show?
Battlestar Gallactica
Just about anything on HGTV
The Closer
Amazing Grace
The Amazing Race
Top Chef
Project Runway


What's your favorite book or author(s)
Parable of the Sower...Octavia Butler
Manchild in The Promised Land...Claude Brown
Sula...Toni Morrison
What Looks Like Crazy On An Ordinary Day....Pearl Cleage
Stength To Love...Martin Luther King
Things Fall apart...Chinua Achebe
Their Eyes Were Watching God...Zora Neale Hurston
Letters to My Daughter...Maya Angelou
Soul On Ice...Eldridge Cleaver
Sonnets from The Porteguese...Elizabeth Barrett Browning
(and countless others I could/should name if I sat still for a moment)

What's your favorite dessert?
blueberry pie
vegan chocolate chip cookies

What's your favorite makeup brand?
Bare Esenctuals...mineral makeup...foundation
MAC lipsticks
Dior lipsticks
any blush on sale in the drugstore

What's your all time favorite perfume?
any rose inspired scent. I love sandalwood...earthy

What's something that you don't currently like about yourself?
I spend to much time on folks who do not deserve my time

What's your fondest childhood memory?
Every Holiday! We always had grand Christmases, Happy Thanksgivings and great cookouts in the summer

What would you do w/a major lottery winning?
I would become more philanthropic

If you had to pick a song for your funeral/memorial service, what would you choose?
So Far Away...by Carol King.
Lovely Day...Bill Withers

If you could change one regret you have in life, what would it be?
That I didn't get the chance to adopt another baby.

If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
What else could I have done to serve you


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: CLEARER TODAY THAN YESTERDAY

"NEVER ALLOW SOMEONE TO BE YOUR PRIORITY
WHILE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE THEIR OPTION"
It is so easy to find yourself auditioning for some one's affections...time...concern...commitment. In our needy selves we bend over backwards to be agreeable...accomadating...available. "I love him/her" we say and we do all manner of things for them. They do little, to next to nothing for us. We struggle to win them...to make them love us. They never commit, maybe they give in a little and allow the attention we shower to continue. We convince ourselves that love isn't about equality...I do for him/her because it makes me feel good. But the reality is we are auditioning.
We are making someone our priority when they are seeing us as an option.
As I discern this dating life. I am struck at how I am not interested in having someone make me happy. I want to create my own happiness. I want to be in joy on my own. Perhaps that is why I am a reluctant dater. I am not in the mood to audition. I am not in the mood to struggle with anyone. I am not in the mood to support some one's issues...challenges...fears...lack of ambition...lack of future effort. I am not perfect. I am not looking for perfection. I just can't stand the bullshit. So where does that leave me? It leaves me clearer today than yesterday.
TODAY 12:30PM EST
WITH
718-766-4895

Thursday, May 21, 2009

THE GIFT OF STILLNESS

I have learned over the course of this big life to be still. Every situation, every issue, every action does not need a response. Sometimes to do nothing is the something to be done.

It has been a very hard lesson for me to learn over the years. I am always in "fix it" mode. I am always trying to make things right. But making things right is often not what is needed. Sometimes you gotta be still. Be quiet. Sometimes you have to ease your mind. Everything is not about a battle. Even warriors have to chill out. So many of us have been in battle mode for all of our lives. Always primed and ready for the punches life throws. I know folks who see life as a struggle...a constant battle for survival. WOW! I can't imagine how exhausting that is. To get up everyday expecting a fight of some sort. I suppose that disposition has its place.

If you are always expecting a fight...you will get a fight. What you seek out...you will get. I am seeking love. Peace. QUIET. Being still allows me to attract peace...love...quiet. I do not have a waring spirit. I have long since given up fighting the world for my place in it. The fights that I deem worthy are the ones in my mind. They are the fears that seek to knock me down and keep me down. When I am off my game and out of sorts...I blindly swing at my fears. But when I am on point...secure...still...I win every time.

Being in love allows you to put down the axe. Love calls for harmony and tenderness and acceptance. Being still sets the stage for love to exist...to work its healing and restorative magic.

The gift of stillness opens the heart.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

BDM SEEKING....


Black Divorced Mom Seeking (BDM).


So I have a profile up a dating site (see profile below). I've had it up for a couple of months now. I have not responded to any of the inquires to my profile. Why? Because I haven't come across anyone that interests me. They all seem the same: What's up...I am this, that or the other thing. I like walks on the beach, athletic, bubble baths, movies...yada yada yada...yawn. Or they will post pictures of their abs, or some other part of their body they think is attractive or will turn women on...yawn. Don't get me wrong I love walks on the beach...bubble baths...wine...good music...jazz. I just want to be wowed with authenticity. I want a response that isn't cliched. I want to by pass all the nonsense and have a conversation where I am heard and he's heard and we are in a lovely exchange of ideas and opinions. Is this outrageaous?

It's been a very long time since I talked with a man who held my attention and excited me.
There's got to be men out there who can atleast hold a conversation...flirt...laugh...share.
I am not without my own set of insecurities and shortcomings and human failings. He has to know that we are all just human beings and not hold my frailities against me...as I will not hold his against him. He has to be willing to get to know me...I am not an easy woman to know. I am not as open as this blog seems. I am guarded and not easily forthcoming. I am however quite charming and I have a big laugh. So if you know of any men who might be engaging, interesting, kind, tender and looking for someone like me send them my way. Thanks.

Here's my profile:

A little about me...I am Sister who is determined to live the very best life possible. I believe love waits on welcome, not on time. I am an optimist by nature and a lover of all humanity. I love a good joke and can cuss like a sailor. I am a beer snob and jazz is my gospel.
What are you looking for in a partner?

I want a man who knows who he is. Must walk the world in confidence. Whatever fears he has, he does not allow them to cripple him, his spirit or his heart.
I'd just like to add...I am an avid reader and talker. I love raising children. I love fine wine. I love TV and radio. I want to be a Gardener. I am a citizen of the world.






Tuesday, May 19, 2009

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: STAND IN YOUR OWN LIFE

I have been listening to Elizabeth Edwards. I saw her on Larry King and I was so moved by her spirit. I have no opinion on what she should or shouldn't do. I have to stand in my own life.

In my life I know about love and forgiveness and kindness and tenderness. Forgiveness really is the gift you give yourself. I have done it and have been all the better for it. I have asked for it and have been all the better for asking. I do know that love is love, even when it is placed upon the undeserving. Aren't we all undeserving?...except children and babies. We make messes of our lives. We play games...We lie...We are cowardly about what's on our hearts. We let our worst fears drive us in our relationships. Our neediness grips us like a vice and we act from a place of fear rather than a place of love. We all do it. We all have done it.

I am convinced that anything can be forgiven. It depends on how long you want to wallow in mess. It depends on your readiness to move forward. It depends on your capacity to love fully. Some folks you have to walk away from. You got what you needed and their part in your story is done. Sometimes their part caused you a great deal of heartache. It may have turned your life upside down. They may have let you down when you needed them the most. Whatever the grievance, pain, hurt, offense. You have to decide how long you want to bear it. How long you want to wear it...live with it. So you see I am not mad at Mrs. Edwards. We all have to stand in our own lives and look in our closets. There are some I am sure would say to me you should have done.... or why did you do.... All I know is I have an amazing capacity for love. That I have forgave and been forgiven.

My favorite line I ever heard was from the play A Raisin In The Sun. Walter Lee finds out that the guy he gave the insurance money for the liquor store ran off with all the money. Walter's Sister Beneatha is devastated, she goes on to say he is not worth loving. The Mother delivers this line and it stops me cold every time!

“There is always something left to love. And if you ain’t learned that, you ain’t learned nothing….Have you cried for that boy today? I don’t mean for yourself and for the family ‘cause we lost the money. I mean for him; what he been through and what it done to him. Child, when do you think it is the time to love somebody the most; when they done good and made things easy for everybody? Well then, you ain’t through learnin’….”


TODAY
12:30PM EST
FASHION! SHOES! POP CULTURE!
718-766-4895

Sunday, May 17, 2009

THE MYTH OF UNHAPPINESS

I have learned that if I am unhappy, I only have to stand in the mirror for the source of my so-called unhappiness. There is no other source for my unhappiness but my own heart and mind. No one can make you happy or sad. All that can be had is enhanced state of of whatever already exists. If you are not happy to begin with, no one can come in and wave a magic wand and abra- ka-dabra! Your now HAPPY! and really I mean to say if you don't know joy...in your heart ...mind...soul...spirit. No one or nothing can give you that. We cowardly turn our dispositions over to the care and upkeep of someone else. Sometimes undeservedly, sometimes we are lucky. We get lucky to meet someone who allows us to blindly go along because their judgement about how to live and their acceptance of us feels good...feels like love.

Each of us wants things to go our way. We don't want the boat rocked. We don't want one more failed attempt at love to push us further away from possibility of long lasting love.

Yesterday I was wound up because my kids shared with me that their Dad, my Ex is dating. He speaks lovingly to her on the phone, calls her Baby, honey...things he used to call me. I let it get under my skin. I let it linger in my heart and head for 2 days. I talked about with My sister-friend JB. I was stuck. But then I had an epiphany. I was coming at this all wrong. I was coming from a place of lack. I was responding not so much about my Ex and his new found relationship, but rather my own lack of a loveship. I was sad about my own unhappiness of not being in love. I created my own internal drama. I wanted what my EX was experiencing. Why was he seemingly falling in love and not me?

He didn't cause my unhappiness...I DID! I let the myth of unhappiness cloud my joy. I am with who I am supposed to be with...ME! I was not unhappy...I was afraid. I was letting my deepest fears get to me. What if love never comes my way again. DUH! LOVE IS ALL AROUND ME!

I am releasing that myth of unhappiness and reconnecting to my joy. I am in love. I am falling in love with myself and the woman I am right now.

Friday, May 15, 2009

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: READING THE SIGNS

No matter what the world throws at you, you get to decide if you want to catch it...receive it...accept it. I am one of those people who truly believes that every encounter is a divine encounter. That everything is a lesson waiting to be learned. That each person that crosses my path were divinely placed there to help me. Sometimes that help is about how to let go. Sometimes that help is recognizing that poison really is poison.

I am a big believer in signs and symbols. God speaks to me on the regular basis. Most times its a burning bush. Why a burning bush? Because I failed to head the whisper. I ignored the small voice telling me...STOP...TURN AROUND...DON'T GO THERE. So I get the burning bush...my life is on fire. It gets my full attention. For once, I would like to just heed the whisper.

To heed the signs that GOD has placed before me requires trust. Trust that I can read and discern the meaning of each sign and symbol. I can. The other part of the heeding the signs is actually going beyond just recognizing the signs and symbols but actually following their clear direction. Free will lends itself to doing what you want to do...even if its not in your best interest. OUCH.

So here I am at a crossroads. In need of trusting what I know to be true and moving in the direction of truth. Don't we all want to walk in truth? Perhaps not if it means giving up bad habits, undeserving relationships and folks who do not add to the harmony of your life. How do we know that. Truthfully? We know when things and people are not good for us. We know. We ignore and we live in mess because to walk in truth may mean we are alone...without the comfort of the familiar. No matter how painful, we can't give up the pain...the mistreatment, the disrespect...the carelessness. We know it so well. How can we just let it go?

I am beginning my walk in truth. I am reading the signs and symbols with a discerning eye. I am committed to the pursuit of happiness..harmony and bliss. I am tired of accepting whatever because what I want is out of reach. It is not out of reach. I am out of touch and afraid.

So, I am on this journey and the signs are clear. I am ready to read them as they are presented. I am ready to live as I dreamed I could. Letting go of those who do not add to the peace of my life.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

IF IT WERE EASY....

I am guilty of putting obstacles in my own way. When I know I have to do something hard, sometimes I resist. I resist with doing every other thing than the very thing I ought to be doing. Feel me. Self analysis is like that. Taking a long hard look at your life and getting to your truths is hard.

If it were easy so many folks wouldn't be running from their lives...hearts...minds. We wander around not quite connecting the dots from I know who I am to I know what I want. We don't dare ask the hard questions because we don't want the answers. We would rather allow the world to tell us falsely who we are and what we should have. We carry false notions of success and we are too much for the romantic side of love and not enough for the realities of love.

So who is in charge of your happiness? Who's in charge of your heart's desires? Who's in charge of your health? Who's in charge of your life. These are ongoing questions. They do not end when we find ourselves in loveships, marriages, trysts, affairs. They become even more important when are connected to another. Love allows us to grow in partnership. Love allows for continued tending of our own happiness. When I am happy in myself then I come to the loveship already happy. I walk the world already happy.

If it were easy all our loveships would be peaceful and harmonious. I am looking hard and lovingly at my life. What obstacles are in my way...real or imagined that keeps me from my heart's desires?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

CAN YOU STAND THE RAIN?

One the biggest lessons I have learned over the past several years is Who Stands With Me When The Storm Clouds Draw Near? You see anyone can be down with you when things are good. It costs them nothing to act like they care. To act like they love you. But the minute trouble comes, they disappear. They say they are giving you space to discern, to handle your business. They stop calling, they can't be reached. They leave you in the storm while they seek higher ground.

Folks can say all the niceties they want. They can even show up after the storm and say I was always there. I was always thinking about you. I never left. But really in my heart I was deserted in my neediest hours. In my darkest moments. I know who stood with me. I know who stands with me even now. The handful of folks that had my back no matter what, no matter how uncomfortable, no matter how much it could hurt them politically, personally and legally they stood with me...SOLID. To accept anything less in any of my relationships is not only not honoring them...but not honoring me.

It is in our most challenging moments that illuminate our character. What we do in the moments of great stress and uncertainty tells us who we are and what we are made of. Those that love us not only stand with us in those moments, but they share their umbrella. They get soaked with us because they know that real love...true love does not say ...I can't deal...but rather how can I help...support...show love.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: I LOVE MYSELF BEST

It is easy to let someone else be responsible for your happiness. It is easy to swallow your longings for the prevailing wishes of another. It is easy to turn down our own intuitive selves to stay rooted in loud mess. When we don't give voice to our longings and heart's desires, we are saying we don't love our selves best. To go along and never give voice to your deepest desires keeps you rooted in fear.

So many folks believe that in order for success in anything that there must be some sort of struggle. Some sort of over arching challenge to conquer. My life has taught me that anything I have to struggle with or wrestle for is not in my best interest. It's like trying to fit a square into a circle. When you are in tuned to who you are and willing to accept nothing less than the absolute best then struggle becomes obscene and a real waste of time. Let it go. Let go.

I am done trying to figure out people. I am done trying to sort through other's mental mess and past traumas and heartbreaks and missteps and mishaps. I am no saviour and I am not understanding. I love myself best. I love myself true.

Perhaps this declaration will leave me alone for the rest of my life...I doubt it. And I am not saying that love is solely on my own terms. I am saying that when you put so much into anything and the rewards are not grand or your needs are not being met fully...in way that say this is worth it. Then keep it. I am moving on. Life is too short to try to make something out of nothing. There is no convincing in love.

I love myself best.


TODAY 12:30PM EST
W/DR. LEAH AKA "SANITY FAIRY"
CO FOUNDER OF SINGLEMOMMYHOOD.COM
718-766-4895

Monday, May 11, 2009

WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?

There comes a point in all our lives that we ask these questions: Who are you? and what do you want? However, the biggest challenge isn't solely in the asking, it is in the answering. We meander along hoping to bump into love, affection, success, support, friendships, jobs, etc. What we fail to realize is that all the things we want, desire, and need require us to be authentic in wanting, desiring and needing.

When we don't know who we are, we can't expect anyone to give us what we want, desire, and need. When we can't articulate our deepest longings, it puts unfair expectations on our lovers, friends, family and those in our circle who love us. They don't know how to be with us when we are ourselves don't know either.

I have learned that my happiness is my responsibility. No one can make you happy. What they can do is enhance your already happy heart and mind. Happiness is a state of being...grace...optimism. Our lives are too precious to treat like laundry or dirty dishes...I'll get round to it...when I am happy.

Who are you? and what do you want? is often pushed so deep down that we can barely hear the questions until crisis erupts, until relationships reach breaking point, until we are so sad and lost in our spirit that we are almost resigned to live with the sadness.

Each of us has to ask and answer our own Who are You? and What do You want? I am asking these very same questions, allowing the spirit in my life to move me forward as I answer them with care and clarity.

Who are YOU? and what do YOU want?

Friday, May 8, 2009

FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: DESERVING...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

So many of us rush about the world doing this, that, or the other thing on behalf of children, spouses, significant others, churches, community, big mama, auntie so-and-so, But we NEVER EVER do anything for ourselves.

We believe that we ought to be selfless all the time. That our own lives are better lived as a servant to others. Even God took a break. And we are not God. So why is taking a break so hard to fathom, suggest...take?

Could it be that we are not deserving? Are we really that crazy? I suspect that we stay busy to stay out of our minds. Because if we focused on taking some well deserved time, we may wish for our lives to be different, and maybe act upon those wishes. AAAhhh what does that mean?

It means fear manifests itself in so many forms and in so many instances that we are not even aware. Because if you stop to catch your breath then you might come to realize that you are not living as God intended you to. You see selfless service is not service. But an issue that needs to be addressed and got at the heart of. Running yourself ragged everyday is not loving to you or to those around you. Working tirelessly on anything is not good for your health or your spirit. All it does is seed and grow spite and resentment. It puts you in the role of martyr---LOOK LOOK SEE HOW I AM SACRIFICING MY LIFE FOR YOU!

We insulate ourselves in our suit of fear and unfinished soul work. We carry the grief of longing and unanswered prayers as if we are widows of a life we can't figure out how to live fully in.

When we begin to accept that life is precious, then we treat our life any life as precious. We are not judged on the amount of laundry that we do, we are not judged on the cleanliness of our kitchen floors. We are not judged on the smallness of waists, or the perkiness of our breasts. We are judged on the true-ness of our hearts and the way that we treat ourselves and neighbors. We are judged on our openness and willingness to love. To love not just our offspring and friends...but ourselves FIRST. If you do not love yourself then you do not know love. Your life is the precious gift. Sharing it is divine. And sharing our lives can be and often is joyous.

So to all the Mother's this weekend: YOU DESERVE SOME TIME! GIVE YOURSELF BACK TO YOURSELF. REPLENISH. RENEW. REST.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

BIRTHDAY WISHES: A PLACE IN THE SUN, EASY LIKE SUNDAY MORNING, THERE'S HOPE

Nicki Nicki- Oh So Limbo dedicated Stevie Wonder's A Place in the Sun.

My blogging Soror Pserendipity dedicated Easy Like Sunday Morning

My Kindred Spirit and Sister Traveller Kay C, The Quiet Storm dedicated India.Aire There's Hope.




Like a long lonely stream
I keep runnin' towardas a dream
Movin' on, movin' on
Like a branch on a tree
I keep reachin' to be free
Movin' on, movin' on.

'Cause there's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run.
There's a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun.

Like an old dusty road
I get weary from the load.
Movin' on, movin' on
Like this tired troubled earth
I've been rollin' since my birth
Movin' on, movin' on

'Cause there's a place in the sun
Where there's hope for ev'ryone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run.
There's a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

BIRTHDAY WISHES: BIRD ALONE & LOVETALK RADIO

One of my FAVORITE Blog Brothers, author L M. Ross, Moanerplicities sent me a lovely birthday message via email. Here is his song dedication and an excerpt of his birthday wish:
"At one time, I saw this as a melancholy song, and I always did relate to music that seems organic, and so internal it makes the listener THINK and apply it to some part of their own lives. But, I no longer see or hear it with sadness. I think, much like you, it's a SURVIVORS SONG






Bird Alone - Abbey Lincoln

Monday, May 4, 2009

BIRTHDAY WISHES: BRAVEBIRD

My AMAZING Blog Sister MsKnowItAll dedicated several songs for my birthday....Bravebird - Amel Larrieux. I am posting Bravebird because it is hauntingly beautiful and speaks to me on more levels than I can say. Click here for "I KEEP", By Jill Scott, and "Cleva", by Eyrka Badu

Bravebird - Amel Larrieux

In a land far away where the sun doesn't spare a soul
And a twisted tradition has a girl in a strangle hold
Lies a desert with the footprints
Of little girls with a secret
Of a pain
That you and i could never know

Little feet running fast as they can like a bird in flight
Through the days of sand with a fire in the sky
And through indigo nights
She runs away from a life spent
Being witness to other unwilling participants
Of a pain
That you and i will never know

Your a bravebird
Of the rarest kind
You may be one of the walking wounded
But still you fly

Your a bravebird
You put yourself on the line
When you shared your secret with the world
You saved another mothers child as she speaks you can tell that
The words are not easy to say
The hold the power to transport her back to that impossible day
But she hasn't any regrets
Cuz' she won't become a woman with a secret
Of a pain
That you and i could never know
You and i could never know
You and i could never know

You're a bravebird...... a bravebird.....fly high.....In the sky.....there you are

Sunday, May 3, 2009

BIRTHDAY WISHES! SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL REMAINS

THE RESPONSE TO THE SONG & LYRICS REQUEST WAS OVERWHELMING. FOLKS CAME WITH SOME BEAUTIFL SONGS! I AM GOING TO POST THEM IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER OVER THE NEXT WEEK. I WAS SO MOVED BY THEM ALL. THEY MADE MY BIRTHDAY MORE SPECIAL!

THANKS TO MY BEAUTIFUL BLOG SISTA GP FOR THIS:

You are an inspiration to overcome battles in life. No matter what has happened, you are determined to not let it tear you down. You are creating your own future in the manner that fits you best, not what others claim they know. At the end of each phase you've conquered, something more beautiful emerges and remain.

Happy Birthday Sister-Cuz,

Much love,
Sista GP

SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL REMAINS
Tears will leave no stainsTime will ease the pain
For every life that fades
Something beautiful remains

We're living in world, stars and dust
Between heaven 'n all that surrounds us
We're travellers here, spirits passing through
And the love we give, is all that will endure
Hey now, what we had is gone
But I still remember you
Just like a rose after the rain
Something beautiful remains
Tears will leave no stains
Time will ease the pain
For every life that fades
Something beautiful remains
Now the darkness falls sun's going downone by one, the stars are coming out tide comes in, washes footprints from the sand one day ends, a new day must begin
Hey now, though we are apart
You're forever in my dreams
Hey now, love is lost again
(What u gonna do about it,what u gonna say)
Something beautiful remains
Tears will leave no stains
Time will ease the pain
For every life that fades
Something beautiful remains
And you wonder sometimes how we carry on
When you've lost the love the knew
But it's alright, it's alright
To your own heart be true
Tears will leave no stains
Time will ease the pain
For every life that fades
Something beautiful remains.




Something Beautiful Remains - Tina Turner

Saturday, May 2, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME: THE VIRTUAL COOKOUT!

CLICK ON ANY WORD AND IT WILL TAKE YOU TO THE VIRTUAL COOKOUT
I AM AN ORIGINAL OLD GIRL...THANKS DR. LADYLEE!
GO BY AND ENJOY!
OH AND DO READ EVERY BIT OF THE TRIBUTE TO ME!
WOO-HOO!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

TODAY IS MY 46TH BIRTHDAY...I AM THRILLED BEYOND MEASURE!
I have partied all over the world on this day. I have danced on more bars than I care to recall. I have hugged more porcelain Goddesses than I care to talk about. I have shutdown more clubs than anyone could disclose. I have woken up with men who I couldn't pick out of a line-up...I HAVE PARTIED HONEY....HEARTY!

TODAY IS ABOUT FAMILY CELEBRATIONS...LOUNGING...QUIET AND RESTORATION.

THANK YOU TO LADYLEE...THE ORIGINAL OLD GIRL WHO CRAFTED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CRIMSON & CREAM AFGHAN EVER! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT SHE PERSONALIZED A JOURNAL FOR ME TOO! AND SENT ME HOME MADE COOKIES THAT MY KIDS DEVOURED!

THE SONGS THAT HAVE BEEN SHARED WILL BE UP!. THANKS TO ALL WHO TOOK THE TIME TO THINK AND SHARE SONGS THAT EXPRESSED MY SPIRIT!

THERE IS A VIRTUAL COOK OUT AT LADYLEE...THE ORIGINAL OLD GIRL; THE ARTIST WHO CRAFTED THE AFGHAN!

ALL THE SONG DEDICATIONS WILL BE POSTED LATER!

THANK YOU PRINCESS TINY BUTT FOR THE ASSORTED ROSES! THANK YOU TO THE ANNOYMOUS GIVER OF THE TULIPS AND YELLOW ROSES!

THANK YOU JB FOR COORDINATING THE BREAKFAST PARTY WITH THE CHILDREN!








IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I AM THRILLED!

Friday, May 1, 2009

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY

ASKING ALL MY BLOG FAMILY...BLOG LOVES...BLOG FRIENDS TO COME AND CELEBRATE WITH ME TOMORROW! I AM CELEBRATING WITH SONGS. PICK A SONG THAT YOU FEEL REPRESENTS MY SPIRIT. YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR SONG SELECTION IN THE COMMENTS OR EMAIL ME A SONG, LINKS TO A SONG, LYRICS TO A SONG AND I WILL POST THEM WITH NODS TO YOU (SMILE)